Secrets of Shame
by ShootingStarOnTheHorizon
Summary: Here it is your sequel to loose lips :  Rated M for My goodness!     I don't own Degrassi otherwise it would take some interesting turns for the sexy haha. Discontinued just ran out of ideas
1. Chapter 1

**EClare Secrets of Shame**

**Your sequel to Loose Lips**

**Chapter 1 Cheat to win**

Clare's POV

"See this is hard work paying off." Clare flaunted the A paper in front of Eli. "Please I practically changed every word in it." He looked smug. "told ya I was right." He enjoyed being right. "So...you want to debate this more,say after school,my house?" This was not meant to be an invitation,his definition of invitation anyway. "Is that an invitation Edwards?" I snatched the paper away from him,leaving a paper cut. "Ouch!" He said. "Not that kind of invite Eli." I said,gathering my books. "Allright I guess I'll have to keep my paws off you then." He said. I rolled my eyes.

He walked me to my locker,walked me to his car. i noticed he was being very gentlemen like. "So any ideas on a topic for the next assignment?" I asked. "We'll it's supposed to be extremely personal." Eli was implying something...He ran his finger past my cleavage. "You do that again,and I will bite your finger." He smirked. "promise" "ugh!" I said,getting in the passengers side.  
"So how bout it Edwards,have any deep dark secrets?" I laughed to myself. "you wish goldsworthy." I muttered. We drove to my house.

"Okay so Mom is still at her therepy session,could be a while. She's been paying for extra." Eli smiled. "So then nobody is home." He slammed the door behind him. "Assignment." I said sternly. "Why of course." He hurried up to my room. "The last time we worked on our assignment in here,you muttered dirty french to me." He smirked. "but you liked it..." He excenuated his words like a child's game of hide and seek.

I ran up the stairs after him. "What are you doing? perv." He smirked. "What's this? the money droor...?" Idiot. I changed that droor a while ago. "See for yourself" I said flirtaciously. "Socks" I smiled. "I believe you said paws off." He smirked. "Of you,not your underwear." I rolled my eyes. He stared at something silver and shiny under my bed. "What's this?" He asked,picking up my binder,decorated in glitter.

"Those are my sketches" I said,trying to grab it from him. He opened the book,looking through it. "Boring,boring...really boring. Mr Simpson?" He burst out laughing. "I was like 13 ." I said. That's my cover. "Whoa!" Eli said,closing it. "You drew naked people..isn't that some kind of sin?" I laughed. "It's just an art tistic point of ...you know what it's really non of your business..okay." He opened the book back up. "handsome guy...but what about my portrait?" I laughed. "I don't see a reason to draw you nude." He looked insulted.

"Really cause I have plenty of reasons to draw you..allready have images in my head." He picked up my sketch pencil. "Eli..." I said,pulling the pencil from him. "Careful still sore from that paper cut." This conversation was going into the gutter. "I want to be sketched Edwards." Damn... "Fine,but you leave all your clothes on." He smirked. "You're no fun." He snapped and took his shirt off. "Whoa Eli...my parents aren't home."

"Do you not trust yourself Edwards?" I muttered my words. "No...nu I trust myself." "So then it's me you don't trust." I didn't answer that one. Just threw his shirt back at him. "Put your shirt on." "ouch" Eli said.

"So do you have any more deep dark secrets?" I laughed. "Not in my room" "ooh" Eli said,picking up my old school photo. "So you were a catholic school girl...can't say I'm surprised..." "Give me that" I said. He was just going to make fun. "Did Sister Mary Elizabeth spank you with a rular?" He was enjoying that fantasy.  
"I bet that you can't go one week without saying something dirty in your own way to me." His eyes shot open. "Is that a bet Edwards,cause you know better than to challenge the master of _blackmail_."

"What are the stakes?" "If you can go 1 week without saying something dirty or disrespectful to me...and that includes anything in french." I pointed my finger at him. I will put on my old school uniform for you." His jaw dropped. "and if I can't...besides your pure satisfaction of winning..." "Then you'll put it on." His eyebrows raised. "fine,but I'm going to win,and when I do..you're sketching me naked...you modern day Clarecosco." I held back laughter. "So we shake on it." He laughed. "we kiss on it." He grabbed me unexpectally pulling his tongue into mine. I gasped for air. "Start unzipping Edwards." He smirked,sitting next to his school book."I'll bring the rular." I said sarcastically.

Eli's POV

"So bet starts now." She held up her wrist stareing at her watch. I hate how time conscious she is. "Okay..." I tried not to say anything inapropriate to her." So topics..." She's going to try to get me to crack. I can't though,I won't. "lovely weather were having today." She was trying to hide her laughter. "So the assignment." I focused on the assigment,not how much I wanted to see Clare in that outfit now,specially since that skirt would be really.. really short on her. I licked my lips like a kid with an icecream cone. "What are you thinking about?" "Ahhh icecream." I said. She looked a bit dissapointed. "Won't be that easy Edwards." I started getting lost in the assignment,cause otherwise I was going to say something dirty to her. She looked so sexy.

She was pulling a stripper move,laying on her side,with her jean skirt just peaking up her thigh. "This guy was a stupid idiot." I said,answering the read and respond questions. "yah we'll Carrie was pretty smart." she rubbed her feet together. "not a genius though." That didn't count cause I was answering about the english assignment. Clare is being a tease. I damn well know she isn't going to do anything with me...so I'm not falling for it. She's just trying to get me to crack. "I have to call Adam" I said. There was really no reason to call him. "Adam you got any ducktape?" I had to keep my mouth shut around her.

"What's going on man?" "I made a bet with Clare..." Adam didn't sound surprised. I explained everything to him. "So if you say something inapropriate or disrespectful to her...she wins. Wow man you're an absolute idiot,you can't go two minutes without commenting on her legs,or her skirt,or mumbling french indeciences." I was going to win this. "yes I can and you're going to help me." "Eli man really...do I have to ?" He sounded bugged by this. "Just whenever she says something,or implies something...you change the subject,and talk about uh...deadhand yeh deadhand." This is a full proof plan,I thought. "This is is cheating..." Adam said. I didn't seem to care.

Clare's POV

Should of known he'd try to cheat... "_seventeen year old boys_" I sighed. I wasn't going to let him get away with cheating of course...:)

_to be continued..._


	2. Chapter 2

**EClare Secrets of Shame**

**Your sequel to Loose Lips**

**Chapter 2 Upping the stakes**

Clare's POV

"So..." Eli is having a very hard time keeping a conversation going. I'm wearing a push up bra today. I'm taunting him. He's going to give up,and throw in the towel. That's just an expression you know. "Nice..." "uhh" I put my shoulders back,watching his eyes burn a whole in my blouse. "nice shoes" He quickly covered. I watched a drop of sweat fall from his forehead. "Woww...it's hot outside." Any minute now...I'm going to win this. I accidentally dropped some pudding on my blouse. "Oh Silly me always spilling things on my clothes." He stared harder,as I blotted my top with a napkin. "Adam...why don't you tell me about..." "Deadhand...yes Adam tell us about Dead hand,and how there sound is that of a strippers club." Adam pursed his lips and looked away. "yah Eli you're on your own." Adam said,getting up from the table.

"I don't know how you found out Edwards,but well played." "Bravo" I smiled. "How bout upping the stakes then?" I moved a little closer to him,leaning over the table. He could look down my cleavage now. "We'll what did you have in mind?" I could see him,trying to control himself. "You're really close there Edwards." He tried to maintain eye contact. "forget it" he said,leaving the table. I've got him,right where I want him. He's going to crack.

Eli's POV

"haha looks like someone's happy." Fitz laughed at my newly extended trousers. "She's just...ugh!" I said. "a tease" Fitz finished. "You really don't want to start anything with me." I said. He backed away. "only cause I don't want to get in a fight with your jolly friend there." He snickered,leaving the washroom. "I have to get rid of it..."  
"try a fly swatter." Adam walked into the bathroom. "Man you're way over your head." He laughed. "Clare has like the voice of a siren or something. "My eyebrows raised. "that's a really good idea...Adam." I swollowed hard a few times. "oops I've lost my voice." I said,smirking. "good one man." Adam said. "I won't be saying anything." Now to get rid of his boner. "Okay I'm out of here" Adam said. "Down boy!" I said...that didn't work. "Come on back in the cage." I've lost it. I'm talking to my pecker. This doesn't look wrong at all. Okay think of death...nope that turns me on more..think of Camals...right..no they have humps. I want to ride Clare...damn it! Not working. Think of gay guys...ew That worked. Okay now just act like nothing happened.

"So Eli you spend way to much time in the bathroom..." I smirked. "and how would you know that Edwards?" I walked away looking smug.

Clare's POV

Long day today. I was sitting in my livingroom doing homework,when I heard a knock at the door. I peared out the window,there it was the herse parked outside my house. I opened the door,smiling. "I've been expecting you." I said. This seemed to upset him more. He had a notepad with him. "I've lost my voice sadly...so I'm graciously bowing out of the bet." "So I win...then." I said. "No you don't,because you're going to agree to cancel the bet. and if both parties agree then..." I wrote back. "No!" He looked mad. "Damn Edwards!" He scribbled. "So do you give up...or not?" He smirked. "never!" He yelled.

"Looks like your voice is back...Hallejuah!" I said. "So we agreed...I couldn't say...inapropriate things to you...you didn't say..." He was looking really sexy right there. He locked the door behind him,and pulled me onto the stairs. "Whoa" I said. He ran his fingers through my hair,snapping my hair clip out. Then he caressed my shoulder,and stared at me. I was confused,but it felt good. He kissed me gently on the stairs. Then picked up the pace as we locked lips. The wooden steps felt so cold on my back. "What are you doing!" I asked. He smiled "loophole" Then kissed me again,moving his hands to my bra strap. "What happened to paws off?" He smirked. "These aren't paws Edwards."

I knew I was in trouble. Things were getting out of hand pretty quickly. He pulled me off the stairs,leading me into my room. "Eli...seriously my parents aren't home." That's not working. He took his shirt off. "What exactly do you think were going to do in here?" He put his shirt back on. "sorry got a little carried away." he said. "I'd say." I glanced down at a stick shift making an appearance in his pants. "sorry" he said,embarresed. "No I'm sorry..for being a tease,you and I both know how I feel about this..and we shouldn't have to discuss it." It was a stupid bet. I said. "yah it was a stupid bet. "Do you want to cancel it Edwards?" I smiled. "yah." He jumped up!" yes my plan worked!" He said. "you seduced me,just to get me to drop the bet!" He smirked,and it worked...I might add."

"Fine okay I gave up, a bet is a bet." He started stripping his clothes off. "No need,allready done." I said,reaching in my bedside table for a sketch book. I handed it to him. "How do you know if this is accurate...?" I laughed. "How'd I do?" "Why Clarecosco,you were very generous." I laughed. "okay...so the matter of the school uniform..." Allready taken care. I picked up the outfit and went into the bathroom. Then walked out in sexy stilletos.  
"Happy?" I looked down. "never mind"I said. "but Edwards...this isn't how i pictured it..." He said. "you know the buttons covering your cleavage,and the skirt over your knees." I laughed. "We'll I guess I found a loophole too." "what?" "Do you enjoy tortureing me!" I laughed. "You didn't say I couldn't make adjustments to it." I said confidentally. "We'll I'd like to make a few more." Eli said.

Eli's POV

I ripped the buttoned top open,and hiked the skirt up a few inches. "Eli..." Clare said. "That's better" I flicked my eyebrows,picking up a rular. "Seriously Eli..that's a little too cliche` even for you" I laughed,spanking her with a rular.

"C'est d' bizarre en haut dans ici"  
It's about to get kinky up in here.

We both stared at each other. The sexual tension was way too hard to ignore. We collided into each other like magnets. She grabbed my tye,and I locked the door. "If my mom's comes home..."Clare said. "Then we'll hide" I said. She laughed.. I bounced her against the wall,kissing her senseless. Then we moved to the bed."I don't want to have sex." Clare said. "Who said anything about sex?" I took the handcuffs out of my jacket. "This is payback. I spent the night on a cold bathroom floor." She laughed. "and you obviously don't know how sexy that was."

She kissed me,falling into me. I nibbeled on her neck. "Eli.." She cried. I hooked her wrists to the metal bed posts. Then kissed her all over. She breathed. I made my way to her thighs spreading them open,finding the button between her legs.. _that I read about in a dirty romance novel._ "oh" She said. I could tell that felt good. I unbuttoned that sexy skirt and threw it over the side of the bed. Then ran my hands all over her. She struggled to catch her breath.

"That's amazing" She said. She stopped. We were interrupted by a car pulling up. "Eli..my mom's home." She said. I got off her and looked out the window. "damn" I said. Clare was nearly naked,handcuffed to a bedpost. I heard her moms feet come up the stairs. Then approach the door. "Clare honey you sleeping." I stood quiet. "yes I'm not feeling well." She said. "oh okay we'll come downstairs I need to talk to you."

"sorry" She said. "Eli do you have the key?" I shook my head. "seriously eli..." She shook the bed frame. "Just go out the window." I"ll deal with this!" Her moms feet came back to the door. "Clare honey do you want me to make you soup?" I kissed Clare on the cheek,and went for the window."

Clare's POV

"Damn!" I muttered,trying to break from my bedpost. "Stupid plastic handcuffs" I thought. "Clare! you allright in there!" My mom yelled through the door. "Baby!" "Yes mom I'm fine..I have cramps." I yelled. "oh my poor baby" She said. I pulled my pants up the best I could,then tried to get unhooked. "stupid Eli" I said.

_to be continued..._


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

** Secrets are better kept undercovers**

Clare's POV

"Clare!" My mother is calling me,and I'm handcuffed to my bed. "Seriously Eli...you pick now for revenge." I mumbled. The fuzzy black handcuffs didn't seem to budge. I wonder how he got free. The thought jumped through my mind,as I struggled to get free. This was no use. "Clare! open the door! I'm sending Dad in." Oh my...god...I thought. I'm going to be grounded forever. "No..No..don't do that!" I yelled. I heard something in my window. I guess Eli left the window open. "Edwards" Eli...yes. "Hurry!" I yelled. "Were coming in!" Shit!" Eli whispered. He jumped through the window,and ran over to me. "I got the key" he said,unlocking the cuffs. "Clare!" I saw the door knob turn. I pulled my underpants up and hopped to my feet.

"Whoa" Eli said,as he rolled under my bed,hiding. Of course his feet were sticking out. "idiot" I whispered. I dropped my pillows over his feet and tried to fix the bed.,not enough time. "Are you okay Clare baby?" I smiled. I looked ridiculous. "I was going to take a bubble bath,guess you caught me at a bad time." "okay we'll I'll leave you to your bath then." He closed the door behind him. "is she allright?' I heard my mother yell. "She was taking a bath." I pulled the pillows off Eli. "Clare Edwards what's this under your bed?' I gulped. "It's a really big lipstick..." I lied.

"No it's another deep dark secret" Eli said,climbing out from under my bed. "It's not mine." He laughed. "There's a label on it Edwards...made with a label maker." "That was just so ally and I wouldn't get them confused..." I'm not making this situation better. "So goody two shoes has more secrets." "That's it though..." I said..."right not like you write erotic vampire fiction or anything." I was embarresed.

:S Eli please don't tell anyone were the only thoughts running through my mind. "Oh I won't tell anyone...I'm just gonna keep this little fella." He did not..."Eli that is not yours." He smirked. "mines better." I was beyond mortified. "So were even now,no more reasons to try to get each other back." "Say is this water proof?" "Out!" I pushed him towards the window. "I'm going to enjoy holding this secret over your head." He smirked,and then left the way he came in.

Why couldn't he hide in the closet?

I picked up my phone to call Ally. "So he just stole your vibrator?" I said yup. She laughed. "Why would he do that Clare?" ... I didn't know the answer to that. "I'll pick you up another one." Ally laughed. "He probably wants you to replace it with him." I laughed. "It has been an embarrising day...I think we went to second base..not sure though. My dad was sitting over there reading a news paper. He raised an eyebrow. _"He kissed me for the first time_." I covered. "Wow...parentals in the room?" "You know it"

Eli's POV

"Eli man you stole her vibrator?" _"Yup and it somehow mysteriously fell out the window and got run over by a car." _Adam looked disgusted."She tortures me enough,it's about time she gets a taste of her own medicane." Adam patted me on the back. "You're sex deprived obviously,find another outlet." "such as..." Adam shook his head. "Eli .I don't want to have to lecture you on how wrong what you did was." "Right I'll give it back!" I said confidentally. Adam looked appauled. "No man!" You apoligize and buy her a new one." The boy made sense. "Where would I find...one...walmart?" Adam cracked me one. "idiot!" he said.  
"You know that store across from the...comic book shop?" I gulped. "I have to go in there."

So after a few minutes of awkward conversation I bought the thing,and hid it in my jacket. I walked out of the store. "Whoa!" Fitzyboy damn. "You looking to relieve some of that sexual tension?" "Are you offering?" "That's disgusting man." "yes it is,but it's enough to get you off my back." I made my way to Morty and drove to Clare's house. I knocked on the door. "Is Clare home?" I smiled,looking innocent. Mr Edwards invited me in. I sat down on the couch,admireing their lovely decor. "Clare your friend is here to see you." "So he is..." Clare said. "May I have a few minutes..." Clare asked.

"You have some nerve to show up here." "You're still mad..." damn "look I shouldn't of made fun or whatever,and so I'm going to make this right. I took the package out of my jacket. "Eli..." Clare said. "That's um..." She had no words. "Eli..." She whispered "that's for guys" Damn! I said. She burst out laughing. I tucked the package back into my jacket. This was really embarrising. She kept laughing. "What's so funny?" Clare's dad asked. "She used the compound predicate wrong." I just rambled some smart english crap.

"okay then" her dad went away. I didn't realize that I hit the "try me" button on this jelly monster. "whoa" I said. It was on my lap,and her dad was stareing at me. Thank goodness it's a silent one. "whoa" I said,frantically looking for the off button. Clare got up laughing. It sped up,_bliss_ Then i came in my pants,and her dad noticed...oh he noticed. "You disgusting piece of filth! What gall you have to bring this into my house!" He swore at me,throwing me out the door.

Clare's POV

"How could that!" I stopped my dad. "He's my boyfriend,and he was just... I don't want to admit this to my father. "He was just..." Dad looked at me like Well! "_trying to find a way to alevate his sexual tension apparentally_." I laughed. "In my livingroom!" My dad was furious. "I don't want that filthy boy in this house again." I smiled,going up the stairs.

Eli's POV

"That didn't go as planned." I should of just set it in her window. I heard tapping on my window. I opened the window. "So were equally embarresed" Clare said. "guess so" I said. "My dad hates you by the way." That's just what I didn't want happening..."Great" I said sarcastically.  
"Do you want to finish what got interrupted last night...its appears I can't...cause you stole my outlet." I smirked. "That can be arranged." I tossed her onto my bed. "So you're not allowed at my house anymore,so I'm going to be over here a lot more." I smiled.

_to be continued..._


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4 **

**Dirty Little Secret 1**

Eli's POV

I have to say I'm enjoying,finding out dirty little secrets about my girlfriend,especially this one. "Hello Madame Degrassi" She of course doesn't know that I read this,and I'm quite fond of this Eli ville Bloodsworthy. I've created an annonomous account,just because I love messing with her. Degrassisgreatest yah that sounds legitmate.*sarcasm*

"Submit comment,or reply to this erotic fiction...hmm...

_"Eli ville Bloodsworthy said it was the end of the line for you,and that you're pure innocent flesh was his."_  
submit...annomously.

_"I would very much like to do everything that Eliville had the pleasure of doing to you"_  
I got a notification of a reply,so I clicked on it.  
"haha thanks,glad you liked the chapter."

_"liked it, I want to do dirty things to it."_ I replied. Again I got just an LOL.

_"I want to suck every bit of your body Clare Edwards." _Madame Degrassi has signed off. I must of scared her,but it was enjoyable. There was no way to trace this back to me,so I could have the fun I wanted to.

_"Your ginger curls would look so nice wrapped around my boney fingers,helk wrapped around my boner even." _I love creeping her out.  
I sent maybe 18 comments,and got the notification,that I was blocked..."No...No that just won't do" I said,creating a new account.

_"Your secret admirer note signed in blood,the drops from your lips"_ That's dark,but wouldn't have it any other way. "Whoa!" I said,clicking on the picture of Clare..I've never seen her like this before. I favorited the photo,and commented.  
_"Your going to be screaming my name Clare Edwards,mark my words."_

I smirked.

Clare's POV

There it is another creepy comment. If I wouldn't of known any better I'd say Eli was trying to scare me...but he doesn't know about Madame Degrassi only Holly J and Declan..and Chantay,and it's really hard to keep her quiet about this. Ugh another message. "_I like to sink my teeth into a good book,or a good girl in this case." _I got scared a little scared...looking around no one was on any of the media computers. "Who is this?" He wrote back. "_You're best nightmare."_ That scared me,a lot.  
_"I would give anything to be the main character of your story...don't turn around Clare Edwards." _I felt like horror movie scared,and I turned around,of course no one was there. I picked up my phone to call Eli.

"Eli...I'm scared do you want to walk me home today?" He agreed. I could feel my heart racing as another message come through. "_I know where you're sexy little skin lives,and I'm sharpening my teeth."_ I gulped. "Eli how bout...now you can pick me up?" He snickered. "What has your panties in a twist?" He asked. "I think I have a stalker." I said. Eli met me to walk me home. "So what makes you think you have a stalker?" "I have this blog..." I started. "what kind of blog Edwards?" I gulped.."um just like your traditional blog about blog ideals,and blogging." I covered. "I see and this person is what blog bothering you?" I smiled. "something like that..." I said.

"Calm down it's probably just some creep with a knife..." That is not reasuring. "You think it's Fitz..." He smirked. "I can't say I wouldn't be surprised.

Eli's POV

I loved freaking Clare out. It brought her closer to me. _"I'm climbing in your window tonight..." _My personal favorite. _"I want all of you,every last morcelle." _She is shaking in her boots. We've never been soo close. "Eli I think I'm going to take my blog down." No...stop her. "And let that sicko win!" "Your right,that's just giving up...it could be anyone at Degrassi." She looked around. _"probably just some nerd Edwards. They always have dark passtimes_." She felt relieved. "right...it's not like it's off the internet." We walked to her locker. She opened her locker,nice trap I set. "Oh my!" She stepped away. "What are these?" "There rose petals...with...blood!" She screamed running down the hall. This was fun in a completely twisted way.

I figured I'd scared her enough..but this was my outlet. I damn well enjoyed every minute of her fiction. It was steemy,it was what I wanted her to do to me.

She had no idea it was me...I dropped the creepy,cause it was scarying her,and it became sexual...

_"I have a pair of handcuffs with your name on them,actually a vibrator." _I missed my french cover,things can't be too obvious...

_"Sweet chocolate,strawberries your lips,mine...?_

Clare's POV

There's something familar about this...I thought,choosing not to use the report button,but who stumbled onto my secret? It could be anyone..."maybe it's a secret admirer... Or maybe it's Eli...and I can't deny that I like what he's saying. I'll let him get away with this...for now...

_**to be continued...**_


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5 **

**Dirty Little Secret part 2**

Eli's POV

I signed onto Clare's fortnight fanfiction. "Whoa" This chapter was pants rising.

_"Raised my blood pressure,raised something else. :S"_

I'm enjoying this too much. Where has Clare been hiding this inner seductress?  
_"You've got the qualities of a vampire...care to chat?"_ She's falling into my trap. "Oh you bet Clare Edwards..." _"So tell me about yourself."_ "I'm obsessed with you,isn't it obvious?" "_oh it's obvious_..." She wrote back. I can't blow my cover,after all this is my only escape.

_"Do you really want to do dirty things with me?" _I wrote back. _"duh" _"_Tell me about them...on the phone. 555-555-5555 "_ I can't call her she will recognize my voice. "_Can we meet somewhere?" _"Didn't your parents ever teach you not to meet internet strangers?" _"LOL I'm sending a photo now._" I waited..."Whoa" I said. The gig is up. "How long have you known Edwards?" "_a while..." _"crap" "_That doesn't mean that I can't go on pretending I don't_" My eyebrows raised.. "What do you mean Edwards?" "_I like it...see you at school eli." _She signed off.

"So Edwards..You litle devil,who knew you could write such hot and sultry stuff...why don't you turn it in,because it's turned me on." She smiled. "just trying to hold onto a secret shame,that you of course had to stumble upon." She was upset. "I think I'm going to stop writing,and start doing..."My eyes widdened. "And how are you going to do that...?" She smiled. "you'll see" She pulled me by the tye nearly chokeing me. "Where are we going?" She smiled. "Your house..." "Edwards were skipping class to..." "do what eville bloodsworthy did to Clara..." "We'll in that case. skip away" I said,following her to Morty. "Almost a year together,and this is finally getting to us." I said. "Your right...no time." She threw me in the back of my car.

"one more dirty secret okay..." She ripped my belt open. "Whoa" I said. She was aggresive. "This is what you get for stealing my vibrator.." She said,kissing my neck. "whoa" I said. "This is for saying dirty things to me" "Whoa" "I'm going to do that more often."I sighed. "Clare wow" She's sucking my neck like a lollipop...more like a jack hammer. "Whoa stop" She let go of me. "Seriously Clare I need my neck." I laughed at the huge hickey on my neck. "That's how you relieve your sexual tension,you suck my neck." She nodded.

"I thought you were going to do... "what did you think we were going to do Eli...?" She asked,reaching into my pants. "yah that's what I would of guessed. "Whoa Clare" "Don't stop..." "Eli.." She mumbled. "oh yes clare" "Were stuck.." "What you want to fuck?" She shook her head. "We're stuck!"She mumbled. "What do you mean...Edwards?" I looked down to find her bracelet hooked to my pecker. "Damn!" I said. "how do we explain this!" Clare yelled. "uh..you we're helping me to um..." I had nothing,no idea how to explain this,and her dad was going to kill me. "Owgh owwgh oh" I said. "That hurts like a percing." "sorry it's my charm bracelet" Clare said. Her hand still in my pants.

"What do we do?" She yelled. "Take the bracelet off!" I yelled. She reached into my pants with both hands. "Oh that feels nice,Eli focus we have to find the bracelet. "that's not it" I said,melting in my pants. "Eli! Snap out of it." "Whats wrong?" I said. "We'll now my ring is hooked to the bracelet. "owgh owgh" She said as I turned my body. "owgh!" I yelped as she tried to break free. "What now?" She asked. "First of all we laugh at ourselves,now we just rip it off like a bandage." She looked scared. "You'd lose your thing...and that's important if we ever want to have kids." I gasped. "that's really reasuring Edwards." We heard a knock on the door. Eli scooted over to he back of Morty. "Eli got your history notes,told Mr P you were in the bathroom,you in there?" Adam damn!

"yah Adam were just kind of busy." "owgh" I yelped. "We'll open the door." Adam insisted. "Adam it's not a pretty picture in here." I said. "but we despirately need help..." I opened the door. "Whoa!" Adam said,crawling quickly into the car. "What the hell happened!" He asked,laughing. "I lost my charm bracelet in Eli's pants,so I went to look for it..." Clare lied. I laughed. "That's not what happened man." Clare tried to pull her hand out of my pants. no luck. Adam laughed.

"How bad is it?" Clare looked terrified. "I'm not looking,you look!" I looked down,pretty bad I concluded. "Okay we'll get you to the hospital" Adam said,laughing. "Adam this isn't funny." "I'm going to get some hedge clippers" "Don't you dare Adam...!" "What other choice do we have!"

"You had to get the bracelet with hooks!" I yelled. "Eli I'm sorry,I was just trying to spice up our relationship,and...I"m not very good at this." I gulped. "owgh" "Stop moving" I demanded.

"hedge clippers" Adam said,knocking on the door. He crawled in the back of morty. "We just snip and you're free." I grabbed him by the collar. "If you miss and snip something else...I will kill you." Clare pulled her hand out of my pants,taking my pecker with her. "sorry" She said. Adam then cut the silver linked bracelet. "okay were good!" "hardly" I said. "I have a new pericing,that says Clare on it!" Clare giggled. Adam left to return the clippers to the janitor.  
"This stays in this car" I said. Clare nodded.

Clare's POV

I came home today laughing so hard. I try to do something to aleveate the sexual tension between us and oops. Why does he say such sexy things to me? I stared at my ring,the ring that almost ended up in his pants. I'm not ready to do that I said. I opened my labtop and typed a message. "So you recovering..." _"from the pain yes,from the embarressment...no."_ I smiled. "We'll call me when you're feeling better." I said,signing off.

_**to be continued...**_  
_l8ter cause my mom is suspicious of me..._


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

**Oh boy! part 1**

Clare's POV

"You feeling better..." I asked. Eli raised his eyebrows. "Good thing that link was sterling,or I could of got an infection." I smiled slowly. "Look I'm so sorry...I apparentally suck at this whole intimate thing. "and yet by your writing,nobody would know that." I didn't want to punch him on the shoulder,he was hurting enough. "We'll see you later,boyfriend still hopefully." I kissed him on the cheek. He then pulled me onto the bench and kissed me on the lips. "Not like you have a tongue ring Edwards." "No,but we still could get tongue tied..." Then we made out.

Eli's POV

I need a new outlet,it's not as fun now that Clare knows its me. "So Buzzy buddy isn't helping anymore." I laughed. "Fitzyboy" I said. "Look man I get it you _have one extremely hot..." _I gave him a death stare. "_and bothered...personality and your not getting any from that little honey over there." _He looked at Clare waving. "Wave again and I break your hand." "Just saying...I can help you out..." I stared at his suggestion. 'What! how?" He winked. "All access strip club..." I raised my eyebrows. "yah I'm pretty sure that qualifies as cheating." I said,returning to my book. "Come on..." He waved the pass infront of me. I took it,looking at him.

"Fitzyboy the only way you could help me is to let me say dirty things about Clare in french to you." I laughed,I wasn't serious. "!0 bucks." My eyebrows raised. "I haven't had a girlfriend in a year man." I didn't know weather or not to laugh or run..or take him up on the offer.

Clare's POV

"So you were giving him..."something I saw in not another teen movie..." Ally laughed..."and you got stuck." She laughed even more. "It's been awkward between us since then. It was supposed to be so romantic..and it was.."an extremely sticky situation..." I huffed. "okay yah sure..." She giggled on the other line. "I've dropped your thing off same place as last time...can't believe you dad doesn't go in there anymore. "We'll it was very traumatic what happened to him in that room. "uh huh" Ally laughed. "So you can still hold onto your purity..." "Don't let Eli know or it might mysteriously end up in the road." She laughed and I hung up the phone.

"Eli you look flushed" I said. "I ran a few miles"I think he's lying. "in your skinny pants?" "yup" "see ya" He walked away smiling.

Eli's POV

"I can't believe I just did that,it was like fitzatuition." Adam rolled his eyes. "Okay now that's just despirate" Adam said. "I know...but it sufficed." "What did you say?" I snickered. "He doesn't know a word of french." Adam laughed. "Some how I think this is going to backfire..." Adam said,holding back laughter. "It's not like he's gay,and if he were he's not Clare." Adam shook his head. "I can't do this,everytime I'm around her,all I can think about is getting her to fuck me." Adam laughed. "It used to be pg." I laughed. "from the moment I met her,what was going through my head wasn't..."

_Edwards I'm falling inlove with you,and now I'd very much like to fall into you._

"So should I curl my ginger hair and giggle?" Fitz suggested. "All I'm doing is paying you to sit through sexual inuenda about Clare...nothing more."  
"Darn! I was hoping we could cuddle after." I rolled my eyes again.

Edwards je tombe inlove avec vous, et maintenant je voudrais bien tomber sur vous.

"Oh Eli that is soo sweet" He acted like a girl. "I'm not paying you to talk idiot." I said. He laughed...we both know that sounded soo wrong.

Edwards je tiens vous rouler dans le dos de ma herse, la mort de votre virignity ..

_Edwards I want to ride you in the back of my herse,kind of like the death of your virginity_.

A la vue de vous en tenue d coli re, je Drull ... dans mon pantalon.

_At the sight of you in a school girl uniform...I drull in my pants_

Est-ce que je la mani re que vous l chez ce c ne de glace, j'aime peux tre ce c ne de glace ?

_I love the way you lick that icecream cone,can I be that icecream cone?_

I'm comptant les boutons sur votre chemisier, se demandant comment rapidement je pourrais les obtenir s'ouvrent.

_I'm counting the buttons on your blouse,wondering how fast I could get them open._  
I' ; d aiment beaucoup prendre un bain de bulle avec vous, peut- tre vous pourrait aider nettoyer l'esprit sale.

_I'd very much like to take a bubble bath with you,maybe you could help to clean up my dirty mind._

Cachez dans ma veste de Paisley, je vous veulent cela pr s de moi.

_Hide in my paisley jacket,I want you that close to me._  
Le compte 6 remplacent maintenant l'I par un e

Count to 5..count to 6 now replace the I with an e

Je t'aime edwards, yah que je souhaite juste que je pourrais dire cela en anglais

I love you edwards,yah I just wish I could say that in english

awww Fitz said. "you understood what I said?" He laughed. "No saw it on a chocolate box once." "Go to her,tell her what you told me." I looked confused. "What did I tell you?" "That you loved her more than chocolate covered bugs." I gulped. "oh boy" I said.

I got up from my stoop and walked to Clare's house,and climbed into her window,which wasn't open. "Edwards!" "Edwards!" I called. I looked in the window. "Oh boy..." I said. I knocked on the window harder.

Rien ! Je souhaite que j'aie t la raison qu'elle riait nerveusement comme celle

_Damn! I wish I was the reason she was giggling like that..._

Clare's POV

Thankyou Ally haha I said. Eli makes me feel things I didn't think were possible...so this "hehe" "Edwards!" I dropped the stick and it rolled onto the floor. I really hoped Eli was not watching me from that window. I pulled my pants up,and walked towards the window. "Please tell me you weren't in that tree long... He shook his head. "Do you have any idea how incredibly hot what you just did was..." I shook my head. "open this window! or I'm breaking it down." He demanded. I opened the window,then all hell broke loose. "Whoa!" He's never kissed me like that before.

Svp laissez-moi faire amour te svp I' ; m vous priant.  
Please let me make love to you,please I'm begging you.

I shook my head. "This sucks Eli,this is all we want and it's going to ruin the relationship if we do." He stopped. "your right" "I don't have a charm bracelet on though..." I ran my hands under his shirt and kissed him,rolling him onto my bed. "No charm bracelet?" I smiled. "promise" "I have a better idea..." Eli said,picking up my stick.

_to be continued..._

**remember just one rule for me to keep writing these roflol...don't tell my mama :)**

**:* hides***


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

**Oh boy part 2**

Eli's POV

"You sure you know how to use that..." He laughed. "ooh eli...eli...!" Her cheeks flushed as she thrust closer to me. "Oh my!" She yelled. I was kissing her neck,enjoying her little moans. "Don't stop!" Clare yelled. I was too preoccupied to notice... "Clare!" I heard someone yell. The door flung open. I rolled under the bed. "Clare!" "Mama I can explain!" Clare yelled. "No need to explain..."

Her mother's face was white as snow. "Just tell me your not having sex..." She smiled. "technically I don't think this is..." "We'll I think...it's time we had another talk.."I hated the sound of that. "Eli you can come out now" She said. "No,No ...Eli here." I faked an accent and mumbled. "I can see your feet idiot!" I slowly crawled out from under the bed. "Now come on were going to have a talk...Clare put some pants on." She said.

"Clare you know I had Darcy at seventeen." Clare nodded. "That's half of the reason why your father and I have problems,because I deprived him of his life when I had her. We were not in love,we were just aroused,and we made a mistake,now I would never trade Darcy for anything,but still it is not easy being teenage parents. Children have needs." Just keep nodding,don't say anything. I smiled and nodded. I looked like an idiot. "Now I suppose you've been doing this a while and have been lucky and thought pregnancy isn't going to happen,but you're wrong it does happen,and that's why... "I'm on birth control..." Clare's mother gasped for air. "You're what?" "Oh boy..." I said,slowly making my way to the door.

"Hold it right there young man!" Damn I said,sitting back down. "Did you know about this?" I shook my head. "another secret Edwards." I mumbled. "Now I won't mention this to your father,because he would have Eli's head on the wall over there. She pointed to some creepy dear faces. "don't get too scared,there fake. He could never kill an animal." Clare said. That was relief. "But you be sure of your desicions and what you're doing,and please don't do it in my house." She looked disgusted.

"I'm sorry for any trouble we may of caused Mrs Edwards" My face was the color of a macintosh apple. "We'll talk more about this later." She said. "I assume you know how to use a condom." Do not throw up Eli...just smile and nodd. So I smiled and nodded,looking like an idiot.

Clare's POV

I walked Eli to the door. "I'm so sorry." I said. "You had to scream in pleasure while your parents were home." He mumbled. "I'm sorry" "Your mother and dad hate me,exactly what I didn't want to happen." He seemed upset. "and you lied,you're not on birth control!" I looked to the side. "oh no...you are.. how long have you been on it?" I looked away..."A while..." "Ally took me the free clinic a while ago...I didn't know if anything would happen." He raised his eyebrows. "We'll talk later Edwards." He left.

Eli's POV

I made my way home to find Fitz at my door step. "What's going on?" I looked mad. "I"m just really mad,and need to blow off some steem." Fitz smiled. "I can help you with that." "I reached in my pocket taking out the all access pass,reading it. " Which way to heaven?" I asked. He smiled. "I knew you'd come around Goldsworthy." We walked to the strip club. It was mostly high bars and poles,this was not my kind of place,but I needed to blow off some steam. "So Cookie you want to help my bud out here?" The blonde scanned me up and down. "Sure for 50 bucks" Fitz handed her 50 bucks. "keep it almost pg...he has a girlfriend..." The blonde pulled me into the back room and gave me a lap dance,and "Wow!" Clare is going to kill meeeeeeeeee. "Don't stop" I feel really guitly..right now..yet so good.

I got dressed acted like nothing happened,walking out of the back room. Fitz high fived me. "I don't want to hear anymore of your sexual inuenda." He said,taking a sip of beer. "Beer buddy?" I took the beer,and then another,and another and damn that makes 4.

We walked out into the parking lot,rock music blasting. "hey it's the deadhands!" Fitz yelled. "You like them?" I asked. "love them!" He ran across the street to the bar. "Dude you have to be like 18 to get in there." He laughed,opening the basement door. "no admittance employees only" I followed. I was kind of drunk out of my mind. "Clare would never sneak into a club like this..."He said. We rocked out to some dead hand. "Match it!" It only took the bouncers 5 minutes to figure out we didn't belong,and they threw us out. "haha that was worth it." He said,getting up.

"If you ever get tired of sainthood give me a call." Fitz had a business card,that scared me. He smiled a goofy grin and grabbed me crashing his lips into mine. I mumbled trying to get free. "What the hell man!" "I just thought..." "Oh boy" It wasn't enthusiatic it was like "Help me God." We looked at each other awkwardly. "Are you gay?" I asked. He laughed. "bi" Oh that explains so much. "Look I'm flattered,but Clare is my girlfriend..." I was really hopeing he wasn't going to rape me. Fitz took out a camera..."Not after she sees these."

"Your blackmailing me..really!" I had no idea why he was doing this..." "I want you emo boy" I was terrified at that moment. So I ran for my life.  
"You can run,but you can't hide." "Cliche`" I yelled back,trying to find my car. "Morty..." I yelled. "Damn it" He had to blend in with the parking lot. I saw a highschool dance across the street,I figured I'd go hide in there until Fitz left.

Clare's POV

"I think you need to get out for a while." Ally said. "Tell me about it,I mean my mother embarresed me to no end,and then Eli got mad and stormed off." I frustrately ran my fingers through my hair. "There's a dance going on at bardell...and I want you to come with...it's pretty skanky I'd say,but just to get away and dance. "I can't go as Clare that will go around..." I said. Ally laughed. "I have a wig right here Diana." I laughed. "okay" I got my purse."I'm going out Mom." "Clare remember what we talked about. Its burned into my memory I can't forget. I went out the door with Ally,those clothes just won't do. She handed me a sequined dress. "Now code word if someone gets to close..."I need maylox!" Ally laughed.

I put the dark long haired wig on,and the green contacts. Then the sequin dress,tucking my cellphone in my bra. The dance was pretty much highschool kids and Adam..."oh my god" It's Adam. "Calm down Diana he won't recognize you." Ally insisted. "Clare" Adam asked. I faked an accent. "Diana,and you are?" He laughed..."This must be a kinky roll player game you and Eli play." I laughed. "please just want to dance...nothing more."

He backed off...and I hit the dance floor. The music was pumping my favorite song. I danced,and I felt someone up against me. I shook it off not careing.  
"So Diana where you from?" I laughed..."You look like the kind of guy who has a girlfriend...named Ally." "not anymore." I danced with him,it wasn't like we were having sex or anything. "I have a boyfriend,so lets just keep this dance." He laughed,running his hands up my sides. I didn't seem to mind that. We continued dancing,eventually grinded a bit.

He ran his fingers through my hair,pulling the wig off. "Clare Edwards?" He asked. I pulled him towards the wall. "That was unexpected,but hot" He laced his hand in mine. "I have a boyfriend." "I have a girlfriend,but I won't tell her,if you won't" I let him kiss me...and it was interrupted by Adam. "Can I talk to you cheater!" Adam pulled me out of the gym. "What are you doing!" I didn't have an answer for that. "It was just a mistake." I said,putting the wig back on.

"seriously Eli is going to be crushed..."

"over what?" A familiar voice said. "Adam your date looks a lot like my girlfriend,minus the fake eyelashes,and vampire contacts." and she really should grow her hair out like that,so I have something to grab onto." I felt my heart sink. "We'll Clare care to explain..." Adam said. I took Eli's hand walking out of the school. "I just wanted to dance,and...it's not your scene,didn't think you'd mind..." He scanned me up and down. "You look like the thin man,but a really hot one." "it's Ally's" "Eli I kind of cheated on you..." I started. "We'll I was almost molested by Fitz...so were even." He didn't seem to care. "I kissed Adam's brother." I said.

"What!" He yelled really loud. "You!" He grabbed Drew by the collar. "Easy man" Adam said. "I didn't know she was Clare man." He let him go. "You want a dance Clare,then were going to dance." He pulled me back into the school dance. Then it was like that movie dirty dancing...He dipped me really low,my legs were around his waist,and my ankles locked with my silver high heels. He kissed me really hard,and we tumbled onto the floor. There were feet everywhere. We crawled under everyone and made our way into an open classroom,where the makeout intesified. "Soft porn nice" We broke from each other... "Fitz" I said. "Hey Clare would you mind taking my picture with this lovely wall?" I was confused,why would you...I didn't question it,and picked up the camera.

"Eli!" I yelled.

_to be continued..._


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

**Exposed **

Eli's POV

"Eli why does Fitz have a picture of this skank going down on you?" Deny it."ahhhh simple...it's photoshopped." She crossed her arms. "Oh really..." "It's Fitz's fault.. He payed 50 bucks and I thought it was just a lap dance,and you kissed Drew .What you did is classified as cheating..." "Right Eli...and what you did is considered sex which wasn't with me and that's cheating." "And if you wanted that,all you would of had to do was ask and I would of done it for free." She did not just say that..."Edwards..." I said. "but now we'll never know..." No No no come back. "We saw how well that hand job went,I can't even begin to imagine what would happen with a blow job." She uncrossed her arms,and pulled me by the tye..."only one way to find out."

Fitz followed us with a video camera. I pushed the camera away. "Get away from me!" I said. I followed Clare to the parking lot. "Isn't this like...public indecency?" She shook her head. "So what." She said,pulling my pants down. She was really going to go to great lengths to prove her point. She pulled her hair back and fell to my knees,in a sqwating position. "uh Clare...you really don't have to do this just to prove a point." She got upset with those words,and slid my boxers off. Then bit me..."ahhhhh" I said. "I don't think you're supposed too." "ahhhhhh" "please don't stop..."

My eyes were closed,I was falling into complete "whoa" She got up chokeing. "Are you okay!" I said. She shook her head,and held her throat. Fitz ran up with the video camera. "Hold this!" He said. He gave her the hymlick and she spit whatever it was onto my face. "Eli I'm sorry" She said embarresed. I wiped my face off. "It's okay" I said,trying to gain my composure. I turned around to pull my pants up,when I felt someone tap me on the shoulder.

"Excuse me..." I turned around,mortified. It was an officer. "I was taking a piss" I said. I"m sorry. He grabbed me by my jacket. "Atleast let me pull my pants up!" I yelled.. "Come on sicko" The officer pulled me into the cop car. "Really I was just taking a piss." "That's what they all say." "You have the right to remain silent." Damn! He sounded the siren and took me to the police station.

Clare's POV

"Me next" Fitz said. "Ew!" I said,walking away. "Here enjoy your sex tape I should say sucks tape..." I took the tape and pulled the black film out of the cassette. "Do not blackmail my boyfriend. I dropped the camera on the ground. "Bitch!" He said. I slapped him. "Stay away from my boyfriend." I said,walking back into the school. "Ally!" I called. She was making out with Drew. "We're back together." I shook my head. "So I need maylox" I said...and Drew looked disgusted. "Wht do you mean...you need..." "I have uncontrolable diarrarhea it's so bad it's like filling the whole toilet" I said. He covered his mouth and ran to the bathroom. "want to explain that...?" Ally asked. "He tried to make out with me...so..."lets ditch him." Ally said,linking my arm.

"Clare...you have some...lipgloss on your mouth." I wiped my mouth.."um not exactly" I said. We started walking. "Hey you wanna um come with me to the police station?" She looked at me questionally. "I accidentally got Eli arrested." I said. Her eyes shot open. "Do you happen to have your emergency credit card?" I asked.

Eli's POV

"Son we know you weren't peeing in the parkinglot..." I hated being interrogated. "Look okay the bathrooms in there were disgusting so I went outside." The officer shook his head and walked away. "Were going to have call your parents." He said. "over me taking a piss Damn!" I said. I kept insisting it wasn't meant to be indecent. "I suppose we could let you off with a warning,but you were picked up a few years ago for indecent exposure. "Having sex with a Julia Anderson on top of an old police cruiser." I felt mortified. "look that was a long time ago...I was a kid." "2 warnings Goldsworthy,you don't want 3..so keep your pants on." The officer pointed a finger at me.

"You've made bail." He said. "huh" I stood up and saw Clare waving with Ally. The officer let me out of the door. "What?" I asked,walking towards her. "Ally's emergency credit card." "You know what this is ridiculous. My boyfriend was just peeing." "Forget it Clare...they think we did something indecent." I laced my fingers through hers and we walked out of the police station...where we were greeted by FitzyBoy. He was laughing hysterically. I walked away to my car. "It's like almost cerfew." Clare said,looking at her watch. "We'll I guess I'll just have to send these pictures to everyone. I laughed. "distributing sexual acts of a minor...hmmm." I said..."I'm pretty sure that can put you in the slammer Fitzyboy." I got in the car,confident he wasn't going to send them. "This is your phone." Fitz said. "damn!"

Clare's POV

"Clare where were you so long?" I smiled. "I went to a dance,and accidentally...you know what doesn't matter." My dad stared at me. "Were you drinking?" I shook my head...nope..."You smell like beer..." "We'll so do you!" I said...running up the stairs. "She's becoming a Delinquent!" I heard my mother yell. "Helen calm down. She isn't drunk. She got home right at her cerfew and she is not in any kind of trouble." "Takeing her side,trying to get her to love you more than me!" Damn I hate the arguing. "I'm trying not to harp on her all the time! don't turn this on me Helen!" "She's having sex!" My mother yelled. My dad looked shocked,and he went out the door. "If anyone made a mistake in raising her,it was you!"

I ran to my room to cry. I picked up my phone. "oh my god!" I said. "Clare the photos are all over face range are you okay?" I shook my head. "Clare did you kiss Drew back?" "Clare..." I shut my phone. "Oh my god!" I said. I packed a bag and climbed out the window. "Sorry for being a deliquent-Clare" I wrote on a notebook. I grabbed my computer,some important things,and left.

I felt like a skank...and now everyone was going to know I was. I found myself on a strange dark street,it got cold and I was scared. There didn't seem to be anyone around for miles. One question resognated in my head. "Where do I go?" I said.

Eli's POV

"Where were you?" My dad put his newspaper down. "I got a call from the police station,that you were arrested for public indecency." "What did you do Elijah?" "took a piss,apparentally it's a crime." My dad laughed at me. "You're grounded for a week..give me the keys." he said,turning the page of his newspaper. I tossed him my car keys. I went upstairs...of course Fitz had my cellphone,so I couldn't call Clare. "Eli there's a message on the phone for you." I went to the answering machine.

_"Elijah this is Edwin Edwards calling. I need you to call me back and let me know if my daughter is with you...She has appeared to have run away from home." _I gasped. "What?" I said. "_Adam it's Eli...I dun know why you don't have your phone,but you need to go on facerange like now_." I raced up the stairs to my computer... "Oh damn!" I said. "Look I know I'm grounded,but I have to find Clare. She ran away from home." I yelled. "You be careful,you call me" My dad threw me the keys.

Clare's POV

I couldn't call Ally that was too obvioust. I picked up the phone to call Eli,and Fitz answered. "Why do you have Eli's phone?" He took a breath..."Why are you standing outside of my house?" He asked...

_to be continued..._

**bump bump buh!**


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

**Three way**

Clare's POV

"I didn't know this was your house" I said. The phone went dead. "Come in" He said,opening the door,turning the porch light on. "What gall you have!" I said. "You sent those photos to everyone,and now I can't go home...I can't go to school." _"Since when are you a person to care what other people think of you?"_ "_You showed up in a school uniform to a public school...and sang a completely off key version of jesus loves me." _He snickered.

"You remember that?" "_yah I also remember your sister and how she became the scandle of the school,when she did a lot worse." _"You're trying to get me to just turn the other cheek you sent these photos..." He shook his head. "_I didn't do it on purpose,I wouldn't do that." "Eli and I were wrestling to get the phone and a button was pushed." _I walked over to the steps.

_"So your just going to give up and run away,because..."_people think I"m a skank..and it's all over face range." I sat on the steps with my large duffle bag. _"I'm sorry,I'm sorry for chasing after your boyfriend,it's just that french and the way he rolls his r's was just so..." _He growled. "That's a little too much information there" I said "you're forgiven,just don't do it again."

_"Can I call someone for you?" _He asked. "yah" I picked up my phone. "My dad" I said. I didn't want to talk to him,so I pressed the speed dial and Fitz took the phone. "_Mr uhhh Edwards I'm Mark I'm a friend of Clare's...we'll actually she kind of hates me right now...but I'm on landcaster road and Clare is sitting on my front porch_." "_yah she's fine" "mhm yup,sure,right back at ya_." He closed the phone.

"Take it from someone,who's been in many foster homes don't run away from it." "Everyone is going to hate me and what they must think of me." I said,nearing tears. _"If anyone gives you a hard time,they will have to deal with me...friends?" _I accepted the hand shake. "friends." "_I'm sorry for kissing your boyfriend."_ He said. "You did what!"

Eli's POV

"Nope..." I said,looking down random streets. "Can you remember where she would run when her parents faught?" Adam asked. "my house" I said. "Mr Edwards...yah it's my phone,She's where?""yah sure were on our way there." Adam said. "She's at Fitz's house!" Adam yelled disgusted. I turned the car around and hit the gas.

Clare's POV

"Dad!" I yelled,crying. "I screwed up so bad. He shook his head. "No Clare you're a good kid,what you did many kids your age are,I'm not mad at you sweetheart,I just want you to be safe." He put his arms out for a hug,which I returned. "Clare!" Eli yelled from his car. He stopped the car and got out,running towards me. "Thank God you're allright!" He said. "You!" He walked over to Fitz.

"It's okay Eli he apoligized and talked me down." Eli stepped away from Fitz. "okay" was all he said,before joining in on the hug. "Clare your mother and I are getting a divorce." My dad said. I can't say I'm not surprised. I tried to ignore the comment. "Daddy I'm sorry" I said,holding onto him tighter. "No sweetheart,you don't have to apoligize for anything." "Cellphone" Eli said,putting his hand out. Fitz handed him his phone. "Oh Edwards" Eli hugged me.

Eli's POV

It has definately been an interesting week. I see that the incriminating photos were taken off of face range. "Slut" "whore" How can people call her that! "Shut up if you know whats good for you." Clare grabbed my arm. "No I can handle this" She said. "Look what I did with my boyfriend is none of your business and because I'm in a relationship,I don't need to justify that to you,so take your camera phone,shut it and get away from me." She huffed. "I'm proud of you Edwards." I walked her to class. I leaned in for a kiss. "I havea sore throat,we probably shouldn't incase I'm coming down with something." "That's a risk I"ll take." I kissed her. She held her throat. "You okay?" She shook her head. "Walk you to the nurse?" I offered.

Clare's POV

"How long have you had this sore throat?" The nurse examined me. "maybe..a day." I said. "have you had any unprotected oral sex recently?" I gulped. "um...yes" I said. "With more than one person?" She asked. "Just my boyfriend..." I said. She went to the office and they paged Eli. "What's going on?" Eli asked. I tried not to say much. "Mr Goldsworthy do you have difficulty urinating,strange discharge or swollowen testicles?" He stepped back "excuse me... Is this some kind of infomercial!" "We believe there's a mini outbreak of gonorrhea in the school..." Eli looked away.

"And you think I have this because..." The nurse took a swab from my cheek. "We won't know until we test you." She held up a needle. "Whoa! Whoa! hold on!" Eli said. "If I had an std,, don't you think I would know?" "Some guys don't show symptoms at all." Eli stared at the needle. "You are not going near my pecker with that thing!" He ran out of the nurses office,and I could of sworn,I saw his car speed away from the window in the nurses office.

I waited a long time..before the nurse told me I had an STD. "Were going to have to inform your parents..." The nurse said. "please please don't do that,there in the middle of a divorce hearing right now." The nurse sympathized with me. "we'll then take the antibiotic,check in with your doctor,take precautions not to spead it.." I nodded. "The health clinic is saturday,can you get an adult to take you?" I nodded,leaving the nurses office.

Eli's POV

I made my way to the free clinic..."You have gonorrhea Mr Goldsworthy." Damn not what I wanted to hear. "This is the antibiotic take it everyday for 2 weeks,then we'll make an appointment to see you again. I grabbed my bookbag,and went out the door. I gave Clare a terrible disease all over Fitz and his stupid strip club,stupid blowjob! I didn't realize I said that out loud,and everyone started laughing.

Clare's POV

I was sitting in my room in my pajamas."Ring Ring" I picked up my phone. "Eli!" "I know...this really sucks." I can't kiss my boyfriend until this antibiotic is done. Damn! "So what do we do?" I asked. "What are you wearing?" I looked down.."my jam jams,why you ask?" "uh no reason.." Why are you talking slow?" I asked. "Edwards you're terrible at this." Eli grunted.

le badinage au téléphone à caractère sexuel a jamais entendu parler de lui ?

_ phone sex ever heard of it?_

I closed my door and locked it. Then I picked up my pink princess telephone,and wrapped the cord around me. "What are you wearing?" I retreated. He laughed. "That's the guys question Edwards..." I could hear him roll his eyes. "So what do I ask?" He laughed. "let me handle it." "okay" "Do you mind if I touch your boobs?" I looked down "oh..." I said,and I took one strap off my shoulder. "go ahead goldsworthy." I said. "To late allready unhooked your bra and threw it on the floor. "I feel exposed" I said,laughing. "Do I look like I care?" "I'm sucking your neck Edwards,do you feel that I looked down "not really,but keep going." I said. "My hands are all over you." I caressed my stomach,and took off my bra,and caressed my breasts. "I can feel them..so manly,with that dark nailpolish." I said,laughing.

"I'm unbuttoning your pants...with my teeth." I pulled my pants down a little,giggling,twirling the pink coiled cord around my finger flirtaciously. "I'm grabbing onto your hair." I said. After about 4 minutes of...I'm finding your happy spot...I orgasmed "Oh Eli!". I moaned. "Edwards did you just orgasm to the sound of my voice?" I laughed. "sure" I said...he didn't have to know that was my doing.

Then we started laughing hysterically over me almost chokeing to death,and his new pericing. "Uhh Eli...did you forget i was on the phone?" Adam! "Uh...sorry Adam. How much of that did you hear?" Eli asked. "Enough" Adam said laughing. "Drew says hi" I felt my cheeks burn. "Eli..how could you forget they were on the phone!" I screamed. "I pushed flash I thought he hung up,or I wouldn't of talked like that over the phone." I could tell he was embarresed. "Wait why did you sit on the phone...if you knew...why didn't you hang up?" I asked. "Eli's said it before. I think it's entertaining." "A really long 2 weeks ahead of us..." I said.  
"nightnight Edwards" I smiled,hanging up the phone.

_to be continued..._  
**didn't see that coming roflol!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

**Waking up to you part 1**

Clare's POV

It's been 2 weeks of hot steemy phone sex. "_If you'd like to make a call,please hang up and dial again." _oops :) I must of forgot to hang the phone up last night. "Clare I made breakfast." My mother's face turned frantic. "Clare Diane Edwards..." I'm naked laying on my bed with a grin on my face. "Um something new...I sleep in the nude now" She shook her head,and closed the door.

I went to my computer and turned on webchat. "see I'm keeping you up all night,tossing and turning,and turning and tossing." Eli is making fun of me. "It's been too long since we've made out intensively..." I smiled,covering myself up. "If this test is clear...then we'll talk." I pursed my lips. "I have to get dressed." I went to close the labtop. "No,leave it open. Come on Edwards I've been deprived enough from seeing you naked." I smirked,as I unbuttoned my shirt,and threw it over my shoulders. I could see Eli's face light up.

I ruffed up my hair,and took my bra off,turning my back to the camera. "I could get used to this" Eli smirked. "Why didn't I think of sexy video chat.." I laughed. "because I'm pretty sure that's pornography." I shut the labtop. I could just hear him freaking out. I widdled my clothes off,laying some fresh ones on my bed. Then I went into the bathroom and turned on the shower,letting the hot water run through my hair. I brushed my fingers back,and let the steem invigorate me. I picked up my shampoo. "_tiddatattatt_" What was that?

I ignored it,probably the wind... I thought,as I continued my shower. I started shampooing,looking out of the shower curtain... I saw something black laying on my bathroom floor. I thought it was probably my imagination and continued showering,looking out again I saw a pair of combat boots sitting on my bathroom floor. "not my imagination." I thought.

"I thought I locked that window" I said,waiting for an answer. He didn't answer. I figured he'd wait for me in my room,but why was he taking his clothes off? I giggled at the thought,and continued my shower.

I leaned back closing my eyes,letting the water flow off me. "I seemed to have forgot to shower this morning." I opened my eyes slowly,stareing at a completely naked Eli in my shower. I resisted the erge to scream. "What do you think your doing?" He smirked. "just getting a free shower." He said. "What do they charge at your house?" He smirked,running his hand around my back. "let me be your lufa" "My mother is downstairs and if she finds out..I'm grounded. She doesn't even know about the std." He smirked again. "Do you usually talk this much in the shower?"

He crashed his lips into mine,as our naked bodies collided. I held onto the shower nozel,as the water covered us. "next time Edwards don't tease me." He ran his fingers past my breasts,kissing me again, this time harder. "Cause I'll tease you right back"

"We'll good morning to you too" I said,trying to catch my breath.

We finished the shower...looking awefully sexy I might add. "Vanilla Honey shampoo does wonders for my hair." He playfully tossed his hair from side to side,like a shaggy dog. I tried not to laugh,as I reached for a towel.

"I love this new visual...now I can dream of you naked every night." He raised his eyebrows in approval. "funny" I said.

"Clare your breakfast is in the fridge,you have 30 minutes to get to school!" My mom yelled. I got dressed,as did Eli.

Eli's POV

"If we go downstairs like this,she's going to assume something happened." I smirked. "I'll use the window." I grabbed my school bag,giving her another kiss. "You better pray that I don't have a trace of that anymore." I laughed going out the window. "We need to shower more often,how bout a bubble bath next time?" She smiled,pursing her lips. "out!" She said. I obeyed going out the window. The image of the star birth mark on her perfect round ass flooded my mind. Her body,her curves the smell of vanilla and honey.._perfect._

I shook my hair out one last time,before getting in Morty and driving to school.

"So another hot and bothered night spent on the telephone?" I laughed at Adam's comment. "Yah recorded for your enjoyment." I teased. "Right the sound of ogasms is music to my ears." He kids."It's only a matter of time before you do it." I laughed. "I have enough sexual fantasies to last me all day" I said,taking a bite of my apple.

"So Edwards..." I watched her walk infront of me,taunting me. "Goldsworthy." She retreated. "So my test was clear,we are officially free to makeout." I liked the sound of that. I pulled her out of the courtyard towards my car,leaning her back on the hood of Morty. "I've missed this" I said,kissing her senseless.

"We can't let this go to far." She said,breaking from the kiss. "and if you we do let this get out of hand." He stroked the collar of my jacket. "I don't want that to happen in the back of a herse." she said. I smirked.

Clare's POV

We picked up the pace kissing harder this time. I hated these 16 year old girl feelings,every inch of my body saying do this,do more...and my mind going don't let this get out of control. _oh how i hated that._

"Mr Goldsworthy!" We broke apart. "Ms Edwards?" Mr Simpson stared at us. "Class started 5 minutes ago,and PDA was strictly banned." He pointed his finger. "technically sir we're not in the school." "Don't be a smart mouth." He tried not to laugh. "Detention" "this could be fun..." Eli said.

Ressemble à Simpson isn' ; t obtenant à quels. .maybe s'il faisait il wouldn' ; t soit si grincheux toute l'heure.

_Looks like Simpson isn't getting any,maybe if he did he wouldn't be soo grumpy._

I could tell he had something up his sleeve.

Venez sur Edwards laisse trouver un cabinet de portiers et avoir nous-mêmes un épisode du club de déjeuner.

_Come on Edwards lets find a janitors closet and have ourselves an episode of the breakfast club. _I giggled,as he pulled me off the car,and towards the back door of the school.

_to be continued..._


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

**Waking up to you part 2**

**Eli's POV**

"knock knock" I teased,knowing nobody was in there. I opened the door,looking every which way for Simpson. "Coast is clear" Clare said. I motioned for her to go into the closet as I closed the door behind me. "Alone at last" I liked the sound of that. She tucked her hair back and bit her lip. That caused a hot makeout session. I picked her up laying her on a metal table,trying to be quiet. I caught a broom as it almost hit the floor. I crawled onto the table,crawling on top of her.

"Eli" "yes Clare" "This isn't really romantic..." I climbed off the table. "and what would be your definition of romantic?" She smiled. "someplace soft" I snickered at the thought. "I know just the place..." I said,helping her off the table. I unlocked the door,and once again looking every which way climbed out of the closet. "Coast is clear" Clare said again...and we raced out of the school doors quickly.

"So where are we going?" She asked. "my house" I said,hitting the gas.

Clare's POV

"Were skipping school,and yet that doesn't seem to phase me." I said. He took my hand and led me into his room,locking the door behind him with a padlock. "Nobody can disturb us." I liked the sound of that. I kissed him quickly breaking apart. "You know I wasn't expecting you to be in my shower this morning,but I would like to wake up next to you tomorrow morning." He smirked. "I want to spend the night with you."

"Seriously..." I nodded. "We'll okay then." "I was hoping you'd say that." I reached in my bag pulling out my birth control pills. "you're sure about this?" I nodded.  
"Is this your first time?" Lie Clare..Lie. "yes" Who am I kidding,I can't lie.

"and your absolutely positive?" I nodded. "yup just have a few questions..." He raised an eyebrow..."What might those be Edwards?" I took out a list of papers. "oh boy" Eli said. _"How many sexual partners have you had? Have you been convicted of a crime?_ He smiled "and what does that have to do with sex Edwards?" "just answer the question..."2 and...not that I'm aware of."

_"Do you have condoms?" _"_If I were to get pregnant would you abandonn me?" _"_Do you understand how special this is,that I'm giving myself to you completely?" "Do you have any diseases or are planning on dying anytime soon?" _Eli rolled his eyes. "_Do you have a history of mental illness?" _"_Have you at any time been bisexual? or had consentual sex with a male?" "Have you ever got someone pregnant before?" "If one of us moved away after we did this could we continue a long distance relationship?" "Are you allergect to laytex?" "Did you kiss Fitz?" _That was just something I was wondering... "Uhhh" Eli said...

"okayyy" Eli rolled his eyes,taking the paper from me. _"Do you have kids you're not aware of?" _"Edwards these are mood killers, you know that." I fretted. "be serious...it's important to ask questions,I saw it on a commercial once." Eli laughed. "you're too cute you know that."  
"obviously were not ready for this,or we wouldn't be asking soo many questions." Boy has a point. "okay then I'm sorry I asked." I put the paper back into my purse.  
"I'll wait Edwards...for years if I have to." I smiled at that.

Eli's POV

"Wow! It's almost 5 oclock..we officially skipped school." Clare said. "and spent the better half of the after noon contimplateing sex..and the horrible reprocussions it has." I was bugged by that. "It's part of who you are..and I respect that." She smiled."but that whole...waking up to me thing can be arranged." "I have to get going,my mom is most likely going to ground me." I smirked. "drive you home..." She smiled.

Clare's POV

I layed on my bed,hating to hear the bickering going on downstairs. Dad was moving out and I was left here with mom. I picked up my computer,getting caught up on some of my vampire fiction,when I heard a knock at my window. I set the labtop down and went to the window. "Eli..." I said. He dropped a bag in my room,and climbed in. "What are you doing here?" He smirked. "Hi Eli...how are you?good to see you...I'm fine,good to see you too." I crossed my arms. "I thought I'd...spend the night with you." I raised my eyebrows. "Just so you can wake up next to me." "I promise no funny business." I smiled. "But I like funny business." I said flirtaciously.

He layed me on my bed,and nipped my neck. "Ooh vampire fiction... lets do that." I giggled as he bite into my neck. "Eli" I said. "I have to say Edwards some of these vampire fantasies are downright hot." I blushed. "We'll you're downright hot." He liked that. I could tell.

_to be continued..._


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12 **

**Trouble & The Rebel**

Eli's POV

"So she asked you a boatload of questions... Adam laughed. "seriously never heard of anyone dying from sex before..cept those really old guys,but I blame the viagra for their heart attacks" I rolled my eyes. "She didn't even ask anything before she..." I stopped,this really wasn't Adam's business. "never mind." I grabbed my book bag and started walking to class. "Mr Golds Worthy Detention." _"right I took off yesterday."_ The thought hit me as I made my way to detention

These were not my kind of people. I took a seat closest to the exit,so I could get out quickly and not have to bump into any of these trouble makers. "Ms Edwards..." She smiled taking a seat next to me. She quickly passed me a note. "Ms Edwards you know there is no note passing allowed. "Let me have it" She took the note to the desk,and the teacher read it. "_There's a fire in the cafeteria_" "What?" She looked at her watch..."8...9...10..." "Buzzzzzzzzzz" The fire alarm went off. "okay single file everyone out of the school." "_Why you little rebel." _She smiled,as I took her hand and pulled her out the school.

"How did you swing that Edwards?" She laughed. "You're becoming a baaad influence on me." We raced to the parking lot. "We have 3 minutes before they find out that there isn't a fire..."

"So where to?" She shook her hair out. "Wherever" "We're going to get in soo much trouble tomorrow." I said. "So then let's not go back till Friday..." "Your parents would throw a fit!" She smiled. "definately." "oh no you're not going to use me to get back at your parents." She laughed. "Who said anything about using?" I had a point to make. She is such a good kisser. Nope can't remember what I was trying to say. "Since we're going to be grounded forever,might as well make it worth it."

Clare's POV

Eli pulled up to the beach. I bit my lip,getting out of the car. "Last one in the water has to kiss Fitz!" I ran for the water. "I'm not going down that road again" Eli said running for the water. "I win" I followed. I rolled up my pants and stepped into the water. We playfully splashed each other laughing. "Wouldn't it be fun to go skinny dipping..."

Eli raised his eyebrows concerned. "Uhhh..." "What's wrong scared to keep up with me?" "uhh...no it's just the shower doesn't have a whole bunch of creatures that could nip my pecker." I laughed. "Chicken..." "Oh you wanna see Chicken?" he picked me up over his head. "Whoa!" "I think we need another couple to play this.." He layed me down,and crawled on top of me. "_what happens if a tide comes..." _he smirked _"we drown."_ Then he kissed me passionately as we floated to the shore.

I laughed at the eyeliner under his eyes..."you know they make waterproof." "ring ring..." I opened my phone "parents ruining our fun again?" I didn't want to answer it. "Clare Diane Edwards you are in a lot of trouble." I giggled "later" I said,and resumed kissing Eli. I walked my fingers up his arm..."so since we're not going to see each other for a long time maybe you want something to remember me by..." "And what's that Edwards?"

"what do you think?" _"I think sand in the ass and seagulls pecking at us...isn't my definition of romantic_." "What would be...?" I blinked my eyes,preparing for rejection. "I'd say a hotel room,but that's even too cliche` for me." "We need to go somewhere no one has before..." I bit my lip..."like the school roof at night..." He laughed. "you can't be serious..." "right forget it..." I shook the thought,as Eli interrupted it with a kiss. "How would we get...the keys?" He's seriously considering this,and so am I.

"We'll I don't know..." I reached into my purse. "yearbook" I said,holding up a set of keys to the school. "Then what are we waiting for?" He pulled me up by the arm. "It's not dark yet..." I said. "Right because We'd be expelled for that kind of PDA." I giggled at the thought of it. "I'll be at your window at 2 am." He kissed me on the cheek. "I'll be waiting..."

_to be continued..._


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13 **

_We'll...that was your smut and humor...and here's your drama...and I'm still working on the gaysex for those of you who requested it roflol._

**Running**

Clare's POV

1:57 Am and my parents are fighting,and they just got divorced. This is getting insane. _!:58...2 minutes..."_knock knock" I picked up my purse,checking my makeup one last time. "I thought you'd chicken out." I said,opening the window. "funny I could of said the same thing about you." "you coming?" He asked,as I looked behind me making sure my parents were still down stairs. I smiled,nodding grabbing my book bag. I giggled. What?" "It's just this is like when I asked you to skip school with me last year."

We scaled the tree,hiding behind it whenever my parents looked outside."So where did you park?" He smirked. We ran across the street,like we did at the theater awards. _"I think a herse parked outside the school would be too obvious..."_

We walked to the school. I picked up the keys,pulling us around the back of the school. I yanked the key into the door,pushing it open. The school was completely dark. "keep the lights off,that way no one will suspect anything... I picked up my keys. "Wait here" I said,leaving Eli in an empty hallway. I grabbed the key to the roof and came up behind him. "Boo!" "Edwards don't do that." He smirked. I held the key up,shaking it. Eli ran for it like a dog to a biscuit. We looked around to make sure no one was watching,and turned the key...going up the metal stairs to another door.

I opened the door,and I was surprised a motion light went on. "Damn!" I said,trying to close the door quickly. "Do you think anyone saw?" Eli shook his head. "The retirement home across the street maybe,and if they are seeing lights in the middle of the night...they will most likely think aliens,or mother ships." "Eli...that's soo mean." I tried not to laugh,as I layed the picnic blanket down.

"You're sure about this..." I nodded. "yah just one question..." He raised his eyebrows. "Really only one?" "Do you happen to have a condom with you?" He rolled his eyes,and kissed me. The kiss got right to the point. He did that to me he made me weak like that. He took his leather jacket off,hooking it on the roof access sign. He kissed me again,as I ran my fingers under his shirt. "perfect"

He pulled his shirt over his head,and started planting kisses along my collarbone. "eli" I sighed,getting more and more into it. We continued kissing heavily as we fell to the picnic blanket. His green eyes parrel to mine. "Now you're sure." I nodded,as he unbuttoned my top,and pulled down my leggings,sliding his body over mine. He bit into my neck,and I was seeing stars now. He slid his hand into my underwear,feeling everywhere. "Eli..." "Eli..." I moaned,as my back arched feeling every sensation.

I ruffed up the blanket,feeling the cracked cemente underneath me,stareing up at the stars. I could feel my underwear around my ankles now. I didn't even notice that Eli had allready put on a..."owgh" "sorry" "owgh!" "Shhh shhh don't cry..." I shut my eyes. "baby look at me." "I'm not not a baby." "That just really hurt." He wiped the tears out from under my eyes.

The pain subsided as he thrust in and out of me. "You okay" He asked,his hands holding up my body. "I'm okay" I didn't feel any different if anything this was painfully awkward. "Whoa..." That's different. My breath quickened,my heart raced,as I grabbed onto him. "Wow" I said. "oh yah" He growled. We both tensed up and then released. He rolled over laying naked beside me. "You cold?" "freezing" I said. He layed his leather jacket over me. "I love you" I said...hoping he'd say it to.

"If I didn't I wouldn't of made love to you just now." "In all that did you lose your necklace Edwards?" I laughed,looking for my cross necklace. "no ,I have mine." "oh" Eli said,picking up a cross necklace. "It's almost identical. "I held the necklace up,the moon shined on it. "This is my sisters." I said,getting up.

"But she's in africa...right..." "yah" I said,standing up. "owgh" I said. "Should I carry you?" Eli offered. I pulled my clothes on as did he. "Do you want to stay and watch the sunrise?" I really did,but I knew any minute now my parents would check on me and not find me there. "We better go..." "and you're sure you're okay?" I clenched my legs together. "I'll let you know tomorrow. "I said.

I opened the door quickly and we climbed back into the school. "I have to put this key back." I said,heading to the office.

Eli followed. "Eli lets not get in too much trouble." "too late" Eli said,opening a file cabnet. "Goober,Goldsworthy." "Eli...what are you doing?" He picked up an eraser. "Changing some things on my permanent record." "Eli seriously don't do that..." "Come on Edwards aren't you curious?"

I picked up the record..."Whoa!" I said..."Edwards,D...This is Darcy's." Eli raised an eyebrow. "Your older sister?" I flicked through the papers..."Whoa..." My eyes neared tears as I read it. "disorderly conduct after being raped at a party...attempted suicide. "These are Ms Sauve's notes,and Mr Simpsons. "Distrubuting suggestive photos on school property." "Wow your sister was quite...the..." Shut up... I said. "performing sexual acts on the school roof 2 demarettes."

"Before she left for africa she told Ms Sauve she had an abortion!" I tried not to freak out. "Hey...hey calm down.. are you okay?" Eli said. "No..." "Why didn't my parents tell me?" I slipped the file into my jacket. "Easy there criminal,your finger prints are now all over that. "They won't even know it's gone." I went into the file looking for my own. "Eli...where's my file?" The droor was empty.

Eli's POV

I really hope Clare doesn't regret what we did. "Where could it be?" "shh it's like 4 in the morning..." I said. She lowered her voice. "I mean seriously...they didn't tell me,and lied to me saying oh darcy got hurt at school,not Darcy tried to kill herself,they think I'm too young to understand,but I understand more than they know...like love. I'm in love with you It's not like I'm a pure virgin anymore.." She's ranting on and on. I kissed her shutting her up.

"I'm sure they had their reasons Clare,maybe they didn't know themselves." We walked to Morty. "I'm always going to remember tonight." She said, kissing me. "me too Edwards." I drove her to her house. "I love you." There I said it. She smiled,kissing me passionately.

Clare's POV

I climbed up the tree. "owgh" I mean they really should put something on like a condom box or something about how much losing your virignity hurts. I took Darcy's necklace out of my jacket and put it on the table beside me. "Hey there sunrise" I said,watching it from my window,wondering if Eli was somewhere watching it too.

_to be continued..._


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14 **

**Ring Ring**

Clare's POV

I woke up quickly to some taps on my window. I hopped out of the bed,going towards the window. I opened the window to see Eli standing outside "what light through yonder window breaks. It is the east and Edwards is looking hot." I giggled. "Shakesphere,didn't really think that was your style." I pulled my robe on. "yah well..." He cut right to the chase. "You okay?" I nodded.."but you won't be if my parents catch you outside my window." He smiled. "I'm your trusted english partner,and it is my responsibility to get you to class." He looked up at the tree. "So you coming down?" I shook my head. "Then I'm coming up..."He said. He scaled the tree like spider man,climbing into my window. "I better hide my kids,hide my wife." I laughed.

"Edwards if you had a wife,that would be unbelievably sexy." I smiled,blushing a bit. "still tired from friday night?" He snaked his arm around my back. "A little..." I said. "Then you need some morning coffee." He said. I looked around. He didn't have any coffee with him. "If we wake my parents..." He smiled. "The best part of waking up is Eli in your pants." He whispered seductively,nibbling on my ear. "Eli..." "Wow you're smug." He slid his shirt off.  
"and apparentally horny." I looked around to make sure my parents were still sleeping. "I'm still sore..." He smiled. "Then let me make you feel better..." He slithered his hands up my legs.

"What did you have in mind." He inched closer to me,catching my lips like a magnet,coping a feel. "Hey Eli we're going to be late for school..." I tugged the strap of my bra out of his hands. "I can't be seen wearing the same outfit that I went out in." He laughed. "I can help with that." I giggled,as he tickled my neck with his lips. "I guess we could miss study hall..."

He unbuttoned my blouse,reaching underneath to my bra. He unhooked the latches,laying small kisses down my stomach. "Eli..." I moaned as he licked my stomach. "You're seriously..." "okay oh " I moaned as he pressed closer to the hemline of my underpants,and my cellphone fell out of my pocket. Then it started to ring,of course it was on vibrate. "Oh Eli!" He sat up,looking at me. "I'm not even touching you." I felt bliss. The person kept calling. Eli looked confused as helk. I grasped onto my sheets,pulling them with me. Eli looked like he should grab some popcorn. "oh yah" I said.

"Well that's a new one..." Eli said,lifting his eyebrows. "of course,you could be faking it..." I laughed,sweating,my cheeks flushed. "Then I better join the drama club." I said,sitting up. "No way" Eli said. "You're wet" I ran to the bathroom. "and going to be late for school." I grabbed some clothes and quickly got dressed. He picked my cellphone off the bed. "What did you have your phone on vibrate?" I giggled. "I'll never tell." "10 missed calls!" He yelled. "Shh keep it down..."

Eli's POV

It was an awkward morning. "So she...just and you didn't even... "Adam laughed. "That's funny." I smirked. "not really." I kept my voice down,cause this was an awkward conversation. "talk to her about it...don't talk to me about it." Adam put his hands up,and turned and walked away. "Hey Clare!" I yelled. "Eli..." She put her book in her locker. "This morning did that really happen?" She blushed. "apparentally." "But...I did nothing." I whispered. She smiled. "whatever it happened,you should be happy you know how to please your girlfriend." I gasped. "Why Clare Edwards were you implying that I didn't." She smiled. "I'm just stating that I did nothing to cause that." "maybe you did and you don't know it..." She bit her lip.

She grabbed her book. "I want a do over..." She laughed. "I'm having a flash back to my vibrator mysteriously getting runover by a car." I crossed her lips with my finger. "Shh keep it down." "and my cellphone doesn't desirve the same fate." She rusheled her hair. "So it was the cellphone." She giggled. "Well that just brings new meaning to phone sex..." She slugged me.

Clare's POV

I lifted my phone up. "Care to call me?" I asked,walking out the school doors. Eli picked up his cellphone..."Can't say it's not sexy..." He followed me to the herse. We crawled into the back. "So how did you?" I giggled,sitting on the phone. "Call" He sent the call. "ooh" I said. "I'm calling 100 times." I laughed. "ooh Eli oh yah." I sat up. "My turn.." Eli said. "And it's on vibrate." He said,as he slipped the phone into his pants pocket. "calling..." I laughed. "oh Clare yeah." "You're right." I kept pressing the call button. "It's like the ultimate tease." I laughed. "haha don't break the phone..."

I climbed out of the herse,sweating looking messed. "Just act normal ." Eli said. I stared at the boner in his pants. "Yah normal." I giggled,pointing at his pants. "Right..." Eli grabbed his jacket,wrapping it around his waist. "No one will know..." I held back giggles. "we need to have another study break..." I laughed. "See you after class." I kissed him on the cheek. I could have some fun with this...I thought as I sat down my cellphone. I watched Eli go to his locker. Adam approached him,and everyone was walking the halls. I hit the call button.

Eli's POV

I walked to my locker,"Bzzz bzzzz" I opened my locker. "Hey man!" "Adam what's up?" I didn't look down. I just smirked. "nothing much." My phone was ringing in my pocket. "oh.." I said. "You okay man?" I smiled,acting like nothing was wrong. Then the phone buzzed again. "You going to get that?" I shook my head. "Adam why don't you go read a comic book!" I shouted. "Are you allright man?" I motioned for Adam to leave. He laughed,hysterically as my jacket fell down,and everyone saw my boner. "bzz bzz" I could feel my eyes rolling back,about to cum.

"Uhhhhhhhh..." I grasped onto my locker hard. "Mr Goldsworthy get to class." "Oh yah!" I yelled,and everyone heard it. "Mr Goldsworthy..." The phone kept buzzing. That was it. "uhh" I looked around. "Mr Goldsworthy!" Mr Simpson looked disgusted. "I can explain..." He shook his head. "Detention." "There is nothing in the schools code of conduct about this..." Adam looked at me laughing. "Clare" I muttered,as she walked past. "I'm going to have to get you back now..." She giggled. "I'd love to see you try."

_**to be continued...**_


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

**Turn On**

Eli's POV

Adam laughed hysterically. "I'm sorry man it's just I've walked in on your awkward sexual encounters,and I got a say what she did was sheer genius." I smacked his hat off his head. "hey" I smirked. "I need to get her back,and she can't see it coming." Adam laughed again. "not like that man,when did you get a dirty mind?" "Well how can you top a mysterious orgasm in the hall infront of MrSimpson...hmm how about one in front of Ms Dawes?" Adam rolled his eyes. "That's not a bad idea..." I said. "Eli I was kidding!" I didn't seem to listen...Time for Clare to meet public embarressment.

I picked up Clare's english assigment. "Global Warming must be stopped." I scanned the essay. I had about 3 hours to rewrite it before Clare had to read in front of the class. "Stopping Global Warming..." I went to a computer,pulling up the essay. Then made a few changes. "Stopping Global Warming in my pants." By Clare Edwards. "And the wind..." That was changed to "and his breath...makes me soo mad." I backspaced. "Make me soo hot." "it's like an explosion of a tidal wave,and the woosh can be felt everywhere."

My goal, make this essay turn Clare on. "It sucks the land dry..." I backspaced. "It sucks my blood dry,and it feels so good." The problem is soo overwhelming. I backspaced once again. "The problem isn't really a problem at all,because I like it. Ooh I like it." I finished the essay and printed it out,dropping it on Clare's desk. Now I just had to sit and wait for hilarity to ensue.

"Hello Edwards..." She smiled. "Eli..." "Mr Goldsworthy,Ms Edwards...your assignments please. "Ms Edwards you're up..."

I love how clueless..she is :)

Clare's POV

"I decided to write a piece about global warming." I picked up the paper. "Stopping Global Warming..." I started. "in my pants." I looked down,and the whole class laughed. "Pardon Ms Edwards?" I covered my face. "This isn't my paper..." I started. Eli smiled. "please continue Ms Edwards." I decided to wing it. That was nearly impossible. "The storm is amazing,the rain is sooo wet." I stuttered. Damn it Eli. "And his breath,Mr Wind makes me mad." I lied. "so hot" I thought. "It's like an explosion of a tidal wave,and the woosh can be felt everywhere." _Eli what are you doing to me?_

"It sucks my blood dry,and it feels soooo good.." "I mean soo bad..yes so bad." I could see Eli enjoying every minute of this. "It is a serious problem." My voice rose. "It is a really cool breast...I mean brush of his hair...I mean air."I tried to hold my composure. "The biggest problem about global warming in my pants.. I muttered. "not really a problem...because the heat is soo hot." I shook my jacket. "wow it's hot in here." I slured my words. "Ms Edwards ennunciate..." The whole class was laughing at me,as was Eli.

"right because it it like a stroke of ..." I gasped for air. "a vi brateing volcano...that just keeps going faster and faster and faster and everyone laughed. "Ms Dawez covered her mouth,hiding her laughter. "And underground,deeper and deeper. There coming to save...coming to save..." Eli raised his eyebrows like 'got ya' I jumped up in the air. "oh yah!" I yelled. "So in conclusion...Global Warming needs to be stopped." I sat down at my desk. "Thankyou Ms Edwards for that interesting essay."Eli covered his mouth,hiding his face. "Did you really have to do that to me?" "Oh yah..." He said. I hid my embarresment. "We're so even" I said,and he got up to read his essay. "almost" he said...

Eli's POV

Killing two birds with one stone..."Volcanos and why there a problem...to start off...Volcanos are hot,and they spew lava,like a lubricant all out of the volcano,and Volcanos are dangerous they have a bite to them,like a painful bite,right in the neck of the volcano...that bleeds. I shifted my eyes to Clare. She covered her ears. "Oh and Volcanos get so hot,and they get hotter and hotter and then whoosh! They erupt out of nowhere,yup they arch themselves and erupt disturbing many people if they are in the line of fire...

Volcanos like to growl too,some might even say they moan..." "Mr Goldsworthy...I'm interested to know where you found that information." I smirked. "google" "allright well um Adam you're up." I sat down. "You did not just do that..." I could see lust in her eyes now. "You are a jackass" She whispered. "You know it" I bit my pencil seductively. "So homework after school...I'll sharpen my pencil..." I winked. "you are sure something Eli." She bit her finger. "and you're horny" She shook her head. "care to review my newest essay?" I slipped her the paper. "8...9...10." "Ring!" The bell. She hopped out of the seat faster than a kangeroo. "My house..." I said we ran to the car.

"You're such a turn on.." She said throwing her arms over me. "Ms Edwards?" Mr Simpson pulled her aside. "There is a certain matter to discuss..." He said. "Yah sure..." Clare said. I listened closely. "you're permanent record seems to be misplaced. It was supposed to be sent to your new school." I gasped. "What!" I said.

"You didn't know..." I shook my head. "Clare's mother is transfering her to St Marys School for girls." Clare looked shocked. "No there must be some kind of mistake..." Mr Simpson shook his head. "afraid not"

"Eli she's trying to take me away from everything and everyone." I held her as she teared into my cardigan. "I'm not letting that happen." I said.

_**to be continued...**_

_**bump buh ba!**_


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16 **

**Plans of Action**

Clare's POV

"Eli what am I going to do?" He just held me. "We'll make it work.." That wasn't really what I wanted to hear at a time like this. "I don't want to leave!" I yelled,crying hard. "Then you don't have to." "My mom is moving me,didn't even bother to tell me,and someone has my permanent record." I slid off the car door. "Hey,Hey" Eli said. "It's going to be okay." I nodded,but my tears were telling me otherwise.

"Mom!" I yelled,going into the house. "Clare what are you doing home from school!" I gave her a dirty look. "Why didn't you tell me! That you were selling the house and moving me across town to St Marys!" "Clare I was going to tell you,but the move has been delayed..." I didn't care to hear this right now. "I'm staying here!" I yelled. "You are 16 Clare,16 you can not be on your own." I shook my head. "I have been for 10 years... Darcy raised me! Dad was never home,and you were a bitch!" I yelled,and immediately regreted it. "Clare Diane Edwards..." She said,looking hurt and mad. "Are you going to kick me out now!" I really hoped she would. I just couldn't control my anger.

"You know what here's one for you! I want my own family." I held my stomach. "and I'm going to have that." She lowered her eyes in disgust. "You're pregnant?" She stuttered. "yah!" I lied. "Get out!" She yelled. "What" "Get your stuff,and get out. You are no longer a member of this family!" I teared. "never was" I ran up the stairs to get my stuff,the important things,things I couldn't replace.

I took one picture of Darcy,and one of Dad,darcys cross,some toilitries and my clothes. I cleared the room out,and into my luggage. When I made it down stairs,my mother was allready gone. I went out the door. "Where now?' I asked,picking up my phone. "Eli Eeli." I cried. "Clare..." "I got kicked out." I barely managed to get the words out. "on my way" was all he said. I sat at the end of my driveway,my head in my hands.

It seemed like the longest five minutes of my life. "Clare!" Eli yelled,with Adam. "What happened?" Adam asked. "My mom kicked me out...I don't want to talk about it." I cried. "Come here" Eli said,picking me up off the ground. "Come on you're going to stay with me." I shivered. "I can't stay with you,I've never even met your parents,they... "won't mind" Eli said,throwing the suitcase in the backseat. "Come on..." I got in the car,saying goodbye to my house,once and for all.

Eli's POV

"Mom,Dad this is Clare. Her parents kicked her out." I pulled the suitcase through the door. "yah so she's going to be staying with us..." they obviously don't care. "okay be safe!" Dad yelled tossing condoms at me. "thanks" I said,going to my room. I ran to my droor and pulled out random objects. "A droor for you..." I said. She stared at the bed. "Right I'll take the couch" I said. "no it's okay...you're amazing." I smirked. "sometimes." "You okay?" I could tell something was bothering her.

"I will be..." She hooked onto my belt. "um my parents are in the next room..." She bit her lip seductively. "You sure you don't want icecream,that always cheers me up." I said. "And Adam's in the room." Adam said. "Please don't let me interrupt you...Eli your dad sent up more condoms..." He threw them at me. "See they want us to have sex..." Clare said. She snuck her hands around my waist. "okay that's my cue to get out of here,I don't need any live porn..." Adam left the room. "See ya Mr and Mrs Goldsworth ew!" Then I heard the door slam.

Clare's a sex kitten. "Clare.." "owgh" I pulled her off me. "Remember the I need my neck discussion?" I felt my neck,drops of blood showed up on my hand. "Wow" I said. "Okay Ms Cullen...seriously something tadgic just happened,you can't fix that with sex." She inched me closer. "but we could try..." She was completely vulnerable. I was not going to have sex with her in this delicate of a frame of mind. "We could just talk..." She looked sad. "Or we could..." I'm not getting out of this.

"Come on...you be the vampire,and I'll be the victum..." I smirked. "Fine,but I get to wear a cape..." She smiled. I walked over to my closet,and pulled out my black and red velvet cape from last halloween. "Slick your hair back like a vampire." I shook my hair. "not my style..." "But you're all sexy,like a gothic dracula..." I unbuttoned my sleeves,rolling them up. "I'm going to suck your blood..." Clare nibbled on my neck. "Hey that's my job." She ripped her blouse off. "make me a vampire" She said,in the sexiest voice. "okay dokey" That sounded soo lame.

She giggled. I don't think I'd ever seen her take control like this...I liked it. She pulled me on top of her,making circles around my collar bone. "Clare are you sure,you don't want to talk about what happened,why your mother kicked you out?" She bit her lip. "Nope" and unbuckled my pants. She really is avoiding something. "Whoa Whoa hold it..." I said. She looked up aggravated. I rolled off of her,onto the floor. "Seriously Edwards what happened?" She shook her head. "nothing I just said some things...I probably shouldn't of..." I looked at her confused. "such as..." I said.

Clare's POV

I felt really guilty. I couldn't lie to my boyfriend,the guy that took me in when everything was crumbling... "Tell me Clare,c'mon.." "Okay so I might of called her a bitch,and yelled that I was pregnant..." Eli's eyes shot out of his head. "You're not right!" "I don't think so..." I said. "I was lying." Eli pulled my arm up. "We're going to the pharmacy right now!" He yelled. "What!" I said. "We have to be sure you're not pregnant." "Can't just take my word for it..." He smirked." "nope"

He grabbed his phone and we went out to Morty. He's still wearing a cape,but I'm not going to say anything. We drove to the pharmacy. "Look my mother made me watch some disturbing documenteries about girls who didn't know they were pregnant,and you know what happened to some of them Clare,they died!" He's being really reasuring right now. "So get a pregnancy test or die." This is one of his over compulsive obsessive moments. "okay,but you're going with me..." I said. He got out of the car,in his boxers and a vampire cape. "It's kind of cold out tonight..." I tried not to laugh,as we entered the pharmacy.

We went down the pregnancy test isle. Eli walked past a display mirror. "Fuck!" He said. "You didn't say anything?" I shook my head no."You didn't notice.." I asked. "I wear black all the time,I just assumed it was my regular attire."I laughed. "Here I'm looking like fucking dracula,buying a fucking pregnancy test." I giggled. I picked up a pregnancy test. "Clear blue easy" Eli read. "I'm not pregnant,okay so there's no reason to do this." He rolled his eyes. "Clare seriously I don't want you to end up on the discovery channel."

I put my face in my hands. The sales person gave us completely strange looks,and eye brow raises. "What you never saw a guy dressed like a vampire,buying a pregnancy test before?" The sales man looked down. "Clare...tell me I'm not in my boxers..." "okay I won't" I said. "Damn it!" Eli walked out embarresed. I took the bag and we headed back to his house.

I went into the bathroom to take the test. "pee on stick,wait 3 minutes." I finished the test and went into his room. I set it on the table,and Eli stared at it. "Yah Eli keep stareing it's going to do tricks." I said sarcastically. We waited..and waited...and "It's changing color" "It's all good." I smiled. I'm not pregnant,no reason to freak out... Wait a minute. "Clear Blue easy" "Eli... Eli..." I shook him. I ran to get the box out of the trash. I read it. "Wait Eli that's bad." He fell to the floor. "Baby wake up..." I smacked him twice. He's outcold,and I could be pregnant. I looked at the test. He woke up,leaning against his bed.

"It made a mistake,we were talking about pregnancy,so it just picked up on that." I rolled my eyes. "Did you take your meds this morning?" "It's lying the test is a liar,like an eight ball!" He yelled. Is it soo bad that I want to agree with him? "Maybe it took your temperture." I rolled my eyes at him. "Idiot it's not a thermometer." "On those shows some of the tests were false..yah they lied." He had completely lost it. "Calm down..." I said. I picked up the test,waiting for it to stop changing color. "Hello Karma" I said. "That's it! I'm killing it!" He chucked the test out the window. "Seriously?" I asked. "Great now I have to go get it..."

_**to be continued...**_

_**I mean what could possibly go wrong in that time?**_


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17 **

**faking it**

Clare's POV

I went outside looking for the pregnancy test. I can't believe this. I tell my mother I'm pregnant,I think I'm lying...and now I could be...and I hate this. I should just appoligize to my mom. I walked around the back of the house,of course the pregnancy test was in the street. I walked towards it,and of course someone picked it up. "Adam!" I shouted. "I'm not surprised..." Adam said,handing me the test. I cried. "I feel horrible..." He laughed. "Don't feel horrible it's negative" He said. "But It changed colors..." Adam laughed. "To show it was working,didn't you read the box?" I smiled. "thought I did." Adam looked up at the window. "Eli is freaking out... I see." "I should um go talk to him..." I said.

Adam shook her head,and continued walking. "Okay we can handle this..I'm going to marry you,and yah we'll get married,live off the garage and raise Eli junior." I laughed. "Um it's negative" I said,holding the test up. "Told you those things lie!" I giggled. "I was pretty scared." I said. "me too" Eli said. "My parents would of let you move in with us...if you were of course." I looked at him,his I have a plan look. "Are you suggesting we fake a pregnancy?" He pulled out a blue marker,coloring it in. "No not at all..." I seriously considered the idea. "I couldn't lie to your parents..." He smirked. "Their not exactly the sharpest tools in the shed."

"okay so we're going to be parents then." "It's going to be like that movie..." I stated. "We could pull it off." I needed a place to stay,just till I graduated. "So what happens when I don't show..." "I got it you're carrying towards your back..." He said. "You watch to much discovery channel..." I shook my head. "just until I can find a place of my own,or convince my dad to let me move in with him..." I said.

"so we're officially with child." Eli said,patting my stomach. "Oh no!" Eli's mom yelled. "Did you not get the instructions,open,roll?" She picked the condoms up off the floor. "they were confusing..." Eli itched his head. "Clare I'm so sorry,you can stay here as long as you need." She touched my stomach. "How far a long are you...  
"awww...2 months..." Eli said. "2 1/2" I said. "2 and a half months." Eli covered. "Oh dear! Bullfrog!" She called "We're going to be grandparents!" She sounded excited. "That went well..." Eli said. I felt my conscience..."just cause." Eli had a good idea. "And what happens,when I don't know,don't have the kid..." He smirked. "We could always fix that." He seductively danced around me. "right" I said. What did I get myself into?

Eli's POV

"the condom is your friend..." Dad said. "Yah I got the memo" I said. "look it was an accident,I feel awful." I tried to lay it on thick. "It's okay son,you're going to have a boy of your own now." He patted me on the back,and started to cry. "Guess so..." "and he's going to have cute little black and white converse shoes,and leather jacket and a baby rattle,shaped like a rock microphone." I smiled. Just what my kid needs his own personal rock band. I nodded,and walked away. He was looking at my baby book,crying into his wifebeater.

"Eli I can't do this,your mother wants me to name the baby BoBo." I looked down. "BoBo Goldsworthy." "I can't do this..." I squeezed her. "Yes you can,you're doing great,just think drama club..." I said. Clare took a breath. "right drama club.." "BoBo is such a lovely name,what is your name?" Clare asked. "CeCe Cookie Goldsworthy. My maiden name was Cream." Clare smiled. "Eli..." She pulled me aside. "She wants me to name my kid after a stripper dressed like a clown !" "I always liked the name Juju..." I said. My mom got quiet.

"You have 40 minutes,before she gets positive and perky." I said. "Juju was my cat. He got run over by a dumpster when I was just a little girl..." I watched my mother fall into Clare's arms. "I'm so sorry Cece" Clare said,patting her back. "little guy didn't even stand a chance,the dumpster just rolled and then meow..mew...mo." She wiped her tears on Clare's sweater. "It's okay..."Clare tried to calm my mother down. I walked away. "Eli..." She motioned to me. "Don't leave me here." "The day changed my life...I have a fear of garbage men,because I know because of there mishap an innocent kitty was killed. Stupid bolt." I smiled. Clare gave me a dirty look,as my mother wailed in her arms,and Clare wanted to be anywhere but there.

Clare's POV

"CeCe can you just..." I tried to push her off of me. "How old were you when this happened?" She cried. "I was about 3." "Oh" I said. His mother really doesn't get over things does she? "I strongly believe that Juju is in heaven watching over you." She shook her head. "nope she's underground dead." I shook my head. "uh huh.." "Really though I have to um...Eli...look it's Eli..." "Mom you know what else is a good baby name Sammy..." I shot Eli a dirty look. "Sammy was my bunny...He got out of the yard one day and fell in the sewer." I covered my face. "I'm so sorry" I said. I looked up at Eli,mouthing out "I hate you" He smirked. "love you too." "How old were you when this happened?"

"It was the year I lost Juju" "oh" I said,she continued crying into my sweater. "How many pets did you have that died?" I asked,hoping not to sound rude. "wanna see?" She pulled out a roll of photos from her wallet...this woman has had a lot of goldfish. "Goldie,Goldsfishy..." I took the oppurtunity to get out. "I have to pee,frequent urination,side effect of being pregnant." I said,getting out there. "Not funny Eli..." He laughed. "At least she didn't tell you about Bebe..." I smacked him. "another mood swing..." Eli said.

"hey Eli?" I looked down. "How do I explain my period to your parents?" "Uh!" Eli said. "Oh no!" Cece yelled. "Clare we have to get you to the hospital!" I covered my face. "right..." "Well gigs up..." I said. "I got it!" Eli said,pulling me out of the house. "She's going to lose the baby like I lost Bebe!" I ran out with Eli.

"Well atleast we know the test didn't lie." He looked down... "bad day to wear a skirt..." I smiled. "hey those birth control pills screwed up my cycle." I said. "So do you want to get something for that..." I stared at Eli..."Oh no...You're making me do that..." He looked scared. "Yup..." I said. I handed him a list.

Eli's POV

I put on my ski mask. "Eli you're going to scare the people!" Clare said. "Please Clare!" I said,getting out of the car. I walked into the pharmacy. I watched the salesperson get nervous,a guy in all black,with a black ski mask on... I went down the isle. "Femine care..." "Always maxi ultra thin..." I looked at the packages. "Hmm long...Clare's short,these are for tall girls."

I said,putting it back. "_overnight...hmm these are ones you wear only at night..."_ I grabbed the night package. "Now wheres the day?" The salesmen approached me. "Can I help you sir?" He had a foreign accent. "yah which one of these is for the daytime?" He shook his head. "I dun kno" He said. I kept reading. "Thin...curvy." "Clare has amazing curves" I said. The salesmen nodded,and walked away. I looked at the packages. "_I wonder if there's one for blue eyed girls_" I said,searching through the packages.

"okay this is a yellow package like the sun...so day...night..." I looked at the packages. "I need after noon!" I rustled through the packages,and nothing said afternoon on them." So I took another day time...daytime,after noon I weighed my hands. I walked up to checkout. "Did you find everything you were looking for?" I nodded. The man looked nervous. "15.99" I handed the guy 20 bucks,got my change and got out of there.

"I thought you didn't care what people thought of you." Clare said. "Yah well...that was really confusing. "Morning,afternoon,and evening." Clare face palmed,shaking her head. "Nice get away car,only 2 people drive a herse in this city." Clare said. "yah,well as far as were concerned. Mr Gallagher is having a mental episode." She smiled. "he's 90 Eli..." I smirked. "See don't question his mental stabilty." She laughed.

"So I figure we have to lie to your parents and tell them I had a miscarriage." "yah I mean you stained the couch." She slugged me. "again not my fault..." "Let me break it to them,cause otherwise you're going to have to sit through the ...Bebe story...her hamster that choked to death." "This is why I can't have pets near my mom." I turned the car,going into the house. "I could just tell her the truth..."

"Being..." She smiled. "I thought I was pregnant,but got my period so I'm not." I smirked. "that seems less painful." I said. We got to my house. "Hey Eli why did you get 2 packages of Curvy?" I smirked. "I love your curves." She rolled her eyes. "idiot" She said under her breath.

_**to be continued...**_


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18 **

**Screw up**

Clare's POV

"You want me to go in with you..." I stepped up to the door. "No I have to..." I apporached the door,knocking loudy. "Mom!" I yelled. The door opened by itself.

_Dear Clare, I don't know what I did wrong. I didn't want you to end up like me,bitter and miserable and married to a man you don't love. I said I wouldn't be my mother,but times have changed. I left you 100 dollars in the butter keeper. Call your father if you need anything.. I'll call you around Christmas-Mom_

I dropped the note. "Eli!" I yelled. "What's wrong?" He ran into me. "She's gone" I was so mad,mad at myself. How could I have said those things to her? I just lost my mother. We looked at the near empty house. I raced up the stairs,but everything was cleaned out.

"Your parents think I'm a liar,they are not going to let me stay with them..." I said,sitting in Morty. "maybe I could talk to them..." I looked down. "maybe you could drop me off at my Dad's." I said. "If that's what you want..." I stepped out of the car,pulling my suitcase with me,knocking on the door in the pouring rain. "Daddy' I said,holding up the letter. "She's gone." I cried into his sweater. "Clare uhhh" Dad turned around as if he was asking someone permission for me to step inside. He finally stepped away from the door.

"Clare this is Yvette,my friend." I looked at the beautiful tan model in front of me,old enough to be my older sister. "Hi" She put her hand out to shake it. I didn't take it. "You mean girlfriend." I said. "Well I better get going..." she started out the door. "yah you should." I took my wet jacket off,laying it on the coat rack.

"Seriously...you and mom have been divorced what 3 months?" "She's just an aquaintence..."  
yah right. "I need a place to stay." I said. "and you cant stay at the house?" I shook my head. "I'm 16,you can't expect me to live alone!"

"She's done this before Clare she won't be gone long."

He looked down to the floor. "What happened to your guest room?" I walked down the hall,opening the door ever so slowly. I peered in to see it redecorated. The room certaintly had a new feminine touch. I shut the door,and walked back to the living room. "seriously! you had Yvette move in!" "Clare she needed a place to stay." I shook my head,grabbing my jacket. "you know what." I pulled my suitcase out the door. "Clare Clare Wait!" I went out the door,picking up my cellphone.

"That went well..." I texted. "yah I saw" I texted back "saw from where?" "That window right there." I walked down the side walk in the rain. "You waited..." I said,putting my phone in my pocket. "Well after that girl walked out,I figured you'd probably curse out your dad." I dropped my suitcase,and ran towards him,running into his arms. "everything is falling apart." He wiped the tear off my cheek and said... "not everything"

"looks like I have the house to myself..." I said. "and it gets lonley in an empty house..." I was hoping he would say. _Yes Clare I would love to stay over. _"lets get you home" he said. We got in the car and he dropped me off. _Just me and my empty house._

Eli's POV

"Eli where were you?" I shut the door,setting my keys in the dish next to the sofa. "I was out" I said,going into the kitchen for a soda. "How's Clare doing?" I popped the soda top,and sat down on the sofa. "not well" I said,taking a sip of soda. "I've been thinking,maybe I was too hard on her,faking a pregnancy. It could of been a cry for help." I sipped the soda. "gee you think" I said roughly.

"Her mother abandoned her today,and her father had a woman at his apartment." "She's not in good shape." I smirked. "Her mom just up and left?" I stood up. "which is exactly why I can't have her stay alone tonight." I grabbed my backpack,going into my room. "She's really vulnerable right now,be careful what you say,be careful what you do." I nodded at my mom. "exactly why I have to go." She kissed me on the cheek. "Call me,don't stay up to late,remember to floss!" I grabbed a few belongings and went out the door.

I got to her house,turning Morty off,sneaking around the back. I looked up to see her window closed,her curtain tied back,and the rain trailing down. I went to the front door,knocking loudly. "Clare!" I yelled,pounding the door. "Clare you answer this door,right now!" "Eli!" She yelled back. "open the door!" I shook it,seeing the gold chain hanging. "Clare!" "I can't!" She yelled back. "yes you can..."

I couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. "I swear I will break in!" I felt my phone buzz. "Hello" "Eli I'm worried about Clare. I got a text from her saying _help me I did something stupid_." "I'm here now!" I yelled. "She won't open the door." "I'm on my way" Adam said. I spent a good 5 minutes trying to ram the door down.

"Hey!" Adam caught his breath. "Try to find a key under the welcome mat" I lifted the welcome mat,grabbing the key. "That's safe" I said. I turned the lock,opening the door. "help" I heard Clare yelp. "Fuck!" I said,running towards her. I picked up the pill bottle. "How many did you take?" Her eyes rolled back. "Shit!" Adam yelled. "okay I'll 911,just keep her moving,keep her concious!" Adam yelled.

"How the helk am I supposed to do that!" I held Clare collapsed in my arms. Adam dropped the phone,running towards us. "Okay Clare lets dance...Eli crank up the music!" My eyes bugged out of my head. "Eli music!" Adam scolded. I pushed the radio. "Okay hot black no bad song...get something upbeat,you know to keep your heart beating!" Adam said. I flipped the station _great_. "Come on Clare get in the groove.

_My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard." _Adam was dancing like an idiot,twirling Clare around like a drunk bridesmaid at a wedding. _"Damn right its better than yours,i could teach you,but i'd have to charge." _"grab her arm!" I grabbed one arm,then Adam the other as we danced to random hiphop songs on the radio. _"keep it moving...ayo aye oh_" _"I whip my hair,back in forth."_

"Come on Clare whip it!" Adam said. Her eyes were in a gaze and she looked high. "_Whip my hair back in fourth." _We all took turns head banging. "Okay keep her moving!" Adam said,opening the door. "_yah think about you,think about us" _I swayed Clare like a kid dancing with a manequin. "Clare can you hear me?" The EMT asked. "Can you tell me what you took honey?" She nodded.

"I was trying to get to sleep" She said. "Okay,come on..." "You're going to be okay." "Good going guys you saved her life." I turned the radio off. "That was worth 20 minutes of annoying hiphop" "I'll go with" I said. They picked Clare up onto the stretcher,and brought her to the hospital in the ambulance.

I waited in the waiting room for what seemed like hours. "What happened?" Adam asked. "heartbreak,attempted suicide and hip hop. big night" I said. "her mom walked out,her dad has a girlfriend." "It's not like Clare to try to..." I rolled my eyes. "no it's not" I said.

"Eli,Adam?" A nurse asked. "Ms Edwards would like to see you..." I picked up my bag,going down the hall with Adam. "What were you thinking?" Were the first words to brace my lips. "I wasn't" She said. "and things would of got much worse if you wouldn't of been there." "Edwards I know you're going through a lot right now,and I can't even begin to understand what you're feeling. I want to be there for you,but that's kind of hard to do if you kill yourself." That sounded better in my head.

"I'm sorry Eli. "Yah me too,cause I'm not even going to let you touch tylenol anymore." I smirked. "and tomorrow you're coming home with me to stay, permanently." She sat up in her hospital bed. "Are you serious?" "Did you just miss my whole speech?" Adam covered his mouth. "Wow" He said. "Clare I'm glad you're allright,and I'm going to leave before another lovers quirl comes on." He waved,walking out.

"So you're serious?" Clare asked. I walked around her hospital bed,looking around for doctors,nurses before I did this. I kissed her senseless and she just looked at me. "serious enough for you?" I asked. "yah that'll work" She swollowed. "I'm going to go get your half of my room ready,see you tomorrow...try not to do anything to threaten your life in that time"

_to be continued..._

**Wow long chapter for ya,hope you enjoyed it 19 up maybe sooner,maybe l8ter.**

**xoxo**


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19 **

**home sweet home**

Clare's POV

"Here we are!" Eli pulled the suitcase through the door. "Clare" Mrs Goldsworthy just hugged me out of nowhere. "I'm so sorry sweetie" I felt comforted. "I'm the one who should be appoligizing" I said. "No if I would of known your home life was that bad. I would of adopted you." I smiled. "thanks" I said. "okay lets get out of here before my mother starts crying." Eli pulled me down the hall to his room.

"That's your droor,that's my droor." "You have a double bed..." I said. "I'll take the floor." Eli said. "You don't have to do that, you're helping me,atleast let me help you." I twirled the handcuffs off the bed post. "be careful with those edwards." Eli said,smirking out of the room. I leaned against his bed,stareing up at the ceiling,looking at his cute little glow in the dark stars sticking to the ceiling. "like our own planet tarium." Eli walked into the room. "water" he said,handing me a bottle. "thanks" I sat up. "I've been your boyfriend for what a year,and I have no idea what you eat." I laughed.

"I'm not a pet Eli." I snickered. "Yah well I have to take care of you,make sure you eat,and sleep and don't drop dead." He smirked. He just made me sound like a pet. I picked up the handcuffs. "Well you can be an animal at times." He smirked,kissing me against the head board.

"wanna christen the room?" He laughed. "later" He pulled his nose away from my neck. "I'm counting on that" I said in a flirty way.

"So...you unpack. I'm going to go get some food and stuff,make me a list." I smiled okay. I handed him the 100 dollar bill. "I'm getting a job "and don't even try to fight with me about it."

He rolled his eyes. "fine" I picked up my notebook and wrote out a list. "_salad,jello,fruit,soup,tea,water,something salty,something sweet,yogurt,orange juice,a box of waffles,instant jumbalia rice and toaster strudle._

I handed Eli the list... "right" "try not to screw it up" I smiled. He shook his head,going out the door. "anything you want ma?"

Eli's POV

I took the list,going out to my car. It was raining pretty hard. I made my way to the grocery store,walking towards the sliding doors with my list. "damn" I said. The wind took my list in the air,dropping it in a puddle. "damn" I said,picking it up. The ink had smudged now,and I could barely make out the words.

_"pea soup,something sexy,yo fru, juice,a box of wa,jumbo lice and a toaster_. I scratched my head. "Don't we have a toaster allready?" I walked into the store,running into Adam,probably should of told ya he works there. "Eli man what you doing?" "Well since Clare moved into my house. I have to feed her,but I have no idea what these words say." Adam picked up the paper.

"something sexy" Adam said. "I didn't know food could be sexy. Sure you're in the right place buddy?" He wracked his brain."grocery list,yes Adam." "how about cucumbers?" I raised an eyebrow. "and pickles,bananas?" "Why don't you just call her?" "and have her gloat about how I screwed this up?"

"maybe we could find a black light,and try to read the impressions on the paper." I rolled my eyes. "yah sorry spy kid,but I don't think they sell them at the grocery store." I stared at the lined notebook paper in front of me. "

"Something wee..." Adam looked at the paper. "weekly,like the news paper...small as in wee,weed. She wants some weed?" I rolled my eyes. "right because they sell that at the grocery store" "okay lets try the one with the most words..." Adam said. "okay here we go Toaster,Toaster poptart,toaster bacon,toaster food." I went into the frozen food section. I grabbed every box with the word Toaster on it. I put them in the cart. "okay now...pea soup..." Adam took the paper.

"actually that says soup,pea" "if the p ran it could say tea." I smirked. "Adam you're sure genius." I threw a box of tea in the cart. "Something sexy..." I took Adam's suggestion throwing,cucumbers,bananas,and pickles in the cart. Then took every flavor juice off the shelves. "lice" Adam said. "Does Clare have lice?" I gulped..."not that I know of..." "so a word that sounds like lice..." "nice,slice...bread...jumbo bread!" I grabbed a stick of french bread. "that's sexy food right there." "okay did we miss anything? a box of wa... "I just guessed water" "okay yo fru...about yo gurt...with fruit in the bottom." I smirked. "like the way you think Adam." I grabbed a bunch of yogurt,throwing it into the cart. "okay..." "just in case" Adam said,handing me a lice be gone kit.

I got to the checkout...Adam rang up the items. "53.20 and with my employee discount thats... 53.10" I paid him and left,heading back home by Clare.  
"I'm home!" I said,bringing the grocery bags in... "Did you have any trouble?" I rolled my eyes. "nope got everything on the list and more." Clare and my mom carefully unloaded the bags. "um eli...why did you get a lice kit?" "You asked for Jumbo lice...see kills them instantly." She held her face. "No Eli I asked for instant jumbalia rice"  
My mom laughed. "sounds like something your father would do."

"I'm scared to look in these bags..." She said,slowly pulling items out. "Toaster pastries,toaster waffles,toaster bacon,toaster nooks and crannies...toaster strudle...at least you got one thing right." "pea soup...tea...pickles,bananas,cucumbers,french bread..." She rolled her eyes. "You wanted something sexy" She laughed. "Salty." I should really just go crawl under a rock right now. "Your list." I handed her the damp paper "and you didn't call?" I walked down the hall ashamed.

"I'll take you to the grocery store tomorrow Clare." She giggled. "actually apple toaster strudle sounds good tonight,dipped in yogurt..apparentally...with my choice of apple,orange,cherry,watermelon,or strawberry kiwi juice"

Clare's POV

"You're so high up on your horse,you're afraid to ask for help." He smirked,kind of a sad smirk. "technically Adam helped." he said,innocentally. "by reccamending penis shaped foods." He smiled. "sorry." He held back laughter. "Actually you're grocery shopping,kind of turned me on."

"really" He raised his brows. "was it the paper or plastic?" I laughed. "rubber" "before dinner..." he asked. I smiled. "you actually can have a toaster pastry at any time...actually we could eat now..." He raised an eyebrow "kinky" "Come on eat up,we need our potassium."

"You're feeding me a penis shaped food..." I licked the banana... "in that case..." Eli wrestled me to the bed. I panted as he seductively bit my neck. I swollowed hard... hitting his back. "That's new..is this your inner machoist" he said. I tried to motion to him that I was chokeing. "stupid horny boy." I thought. I pushed him off of me. "You blow hot and cold Clare." I grabbed my neck. "chokeing" Eli be a smart boy be a hero. "You have a sore throat." I shook my head. "You're chokeing to death..." He said sarcastically. I nodded. "oh shit" He said. He grabbed my body pressing my rib cage up.

"owgh" "Well this is what I get for attempting suicide. I thought,thinking about what a sucky way this was to die. Luckily Eli's mom walked in. "What the hell!" She yelled. "You're doing that wrong!" She said,rushing over to me to give me the hymlick. I felt relief as the banana soared through the air.

"Eli didn't you pay attention in health class?" he shook his head. "yah,I paid attention to the very nice visuals they provided..." My mom rolled her eyes. "I was going to say I made food,but I think I'll let you recover and pull you down the stairs to have a talk." His mom pulled him by the ear. "owgh owgh" I'm terrible at being sexy. I thought,falling into the bed with the pillow on my face. _At least it wasn't a cucumber._ I thought

**_to be continued..._**

**_I appoligize if I've made grocery shopping awkward for you now._**

**_xoxo_**


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20 **

**Incognito**

Eli's POV

I picked up Clare's english assignment. _"Mr Goldsworthy any idea whats going on with Ms Edwards?" _I shook my head. "_It's not like her to get an F. I'm going to have to try her parents again. They don't return calls too quickly"_ "Ms Dawz with all do respect Clare has been through a lot. Let me help her,raise her grade to atleast a B." Ms Dawz smiled. "_okay,one chance otherwise she's out of advanced english._" No pressure there. I made my way home with the new assignment.

"I know things are difficult." I stated. "Difficult...difficult..Eli you snore every night,and your hands mysteriously wonder in your sleep into your pants!' It's a good thing no one is home right now. "It's a nervous habbit." I said,trying to defend myself. "It's impossible to sleep here." Clare sighed. "Then we go back to my original thought...I get the couch." I grabbed my pillow,heading down the stairs.

"or we could try to overcome your problems..." I slowly went back up the stairs..."and how you do propose we do that?" "We handcuff your hands to the bedpost,and use this nasal strip." I picked up the tiny strip. "They worked for my dad..." "Fine we'll try it" That's really all I can promise. _Clare gets her sleep,her grades go back up,and I have completely visible sex dreams every night,fair trade off._

"Edwards you do realize how hot this makes me right?" She hooked the handcuffs onto the bed. "remind me again why you have two pairs..." "uhhh" I trailed into another subject. "So what happens if I have to pee?" I asked. "You use the key" She said,setting it on the dresser. I can't believe I'm agreeing to this.

She crawled into her side of the bed. "what no kiss goodnight?" I smirked. "sorry' Clare pecked me on the cheek. "goodnight." She smiled,putting the strange strip on my nose. I layed there trying to sleep. "trying to" key words here. Clare scooted closer in her sleep,like skin length from me. Her skin against my leg was not helping this handcuff scenerio. I kept thinking about utterly terrible things,and after about 30 minutes I realized that I had to pee. So I reached for the key in the dark,dropping it in the bed,and down her bra.

"Damn it" I said under my breath. I tried to break the handcuffs,_not working_. "Stupid child proof plastic." I muttered. Clare slept peacefully. She didn't even feel the metal key inbetween her cleavage. I turned over. My hands are tied up ,and I have to get the key. I lifted my foot,slowly pushing her night shirt up. She rolled over. "damn" I thought. I should just wake her.

"No she has to sleep,her grades are suffering because of me." I thought,as I lifted her shirt up again with my foot. Damn she was a deep sleeper. I inched my body closer to her. _Open the bra,the key drops out in the bed,and you can get it with your foot,_was what was going through my mind. I inched closer to her,my face pressing against her back. "damn" I thought,using my teeth to unlatch her bra. It of course fell. I heard the key drop,and Clare rolled over smiling. "oh shit..." I thought. It fell into her underpants! "I'll just hold it until tomorrow"

That thought lasted about 2 minutes. "I have to pee now" I ripped one plastic handcuff off the bed post. "okay...now" I pulled hard on the other one. I guess I'm not as strong as I usually am,with a full blatter. I inched my hand,closer to Clare's thigh. "Find the key" was all that was going through my mind. I gently tugged on her underpants,hoping the key would fall out. "damn" I muttered. "oh eli" She groaned "Double damn" I muttered. She's having a sex dream,of all nights for her to be having a sex dream!

I reached my hand in her underpants,searching for the key. "oh yah right there" She moaned. "damn it" "might as well..." I thought,twirling my finger around her sensitive spot. She moaned as her back arched. "I would be so turned on by this,if I didn't have to pee." "Eli...Eli..." She fell to her back,still asleep,the key fell out. "Like the prize in a cracker jack box" I said,picking the key up. She woke up..."uhhh Eli..." This looks really bad. She looked down. "I was sleep walking..." I said as if I was making a guess. I unlocked the handcuff and ran to the bathroom.

I came back. "Care to explain..." She sat up her arms crossed. "yup..I'm just going to sleep on the floor" I said. She rolled her eyes at me.

Clare's POV

I finally got some sleep last night. I don't know what happened,or why I woke up to Eli digging in my pants. We haven't talked about it. I told you his hands wander through the night. I grabbed my lunch,going back into the school. "Ms Dawz is giving me the extension." I said,walking out of the classroom. "I don't know with everything going on...I need a distraction,like a fun night with zero sex,zero drama,and zero regrets" I kissed Eli on the cheek. "like i don't know maybe a costume party and more..." He pulled the flyer off the wall. "Degrassi Costume party...and dance." I smiled. "Wow God is fast to answer prayers." He smirked,taking my hand.

"Is it true that you're living in sin Clare Edwards?" I looked at Jeremy from friendship club. I shook my head,smiling. "Yah right you're living with this scum." Eli stepped towards him. "I suggest you get your bible humping ass away from me,before I wax the floor with it." He shuddered a dirty look and walked away. "So this party..." I changed the subject. "What do you want to go as?" "Nothing sexy,scary,or dirty..." He frowned. "Damn I still have that lovely vampire cape." I smiled. "My mom has a bunch of old costumes in the attic..." Eli weighed his hands. "attic...or an annoying party store?" I smiled,and we continued home.

"Here we go...Frank N Furter from Rocky horror" He held up the sexy costume. "I said nothing sexy..." He went through the rack of clothes."You as a tranvestite...not exactly sexy. I hit him on the arm. "ouch lady" "here's one..." I looked at him like he had 4 eyes. "A pineapple?" "There is nothing sexy about a pineapple." Eli argued. "fine,and you're going as a... muskateer" I studdied the costume..."A gothic muskateer..." He smirked. "A rejected muskateer."

"Now that's a convincing argument." I picked up the pineapple costume,going down the stairs. "Hey Eli why does your mother have all these costumes..." He looked down. He's going to tell a lie...I thought "She's a very interesting person..." He scratched his head. I looked at the tag. "Property of Sexy Cece..Dirty Gentlemens club" I said. "Eli tell me your mother isn't a stripper..." He smiled. "technically she's retired."

I put on the costume,and Eli put on his. "careful with your sword" I said. "remember our deal?" "right zero sex,drama,zero regrets." I smiled confidentally. "I'll keep my coconuts to myself." I slugged him. "what no need for a penis colata." I giggled,as we walked to the car.

We got to the dance,everyone was dressed as something. Jenna of course as a pregnant girl... "uhh nice costume" Adam said,handing us drinks. "Thanks.." I said. "What are you?" Adam asked. I smiled. "Sponge bobs house" I said. Eli spit his drink out. I could tell he was laughing. Then of course others joined in the laughter. "Wow Clare you're looking very yellow today,like big bird." I looked at KC. "Thanks,I think" "Who wants some more drinks I'll go get more drinks..." Eli said,quickly changing the subject. "I better go with him. He's been known to poisen people he doesn't like." KC looked at me ,like that's nice. I ran after Eli.

"That's not an ex boyfriend right...because I was your first kiss,first everything." I gulped. "That's never a good sign." He sipped his punch. "um...I actually have had boyfriends before you." He looked upset. "does that bother you?" I asked,carefully watching his expression. "Nuhhh oh." He stuttered. "So you're jealous...of Reese,Declan and KC?" He looked down. "3 of them!" I pulled him aside.

"now don't make a scene!" I said. "Which one was your first kiss..." That doesn't seem too bad of a question. "Declan" He rolled his eyes. "not me." "Why does it matter who was first...I wasn't your first kiss We get in petty arguments for no reason." "I said no drama,can't you give me that!" I stormed off,trying to maintain my dignity,which was hard to do,dressed like a pineapple.

"Who lives in a pineapple under the sea Clare Bob Eli's pants" I turned around to look at KC. "cute,but Eli is more of a man than you'll ever be." I looked at the ugly costume he was wearing. "basketball star,how original" I walked off. "ooh burn" Adam said.

Eli's POV

"What did my little sex obsessed best friend do this time?" Adam walked over to me. "I got jealous" Adam dropped his jaw. "Oh no ,not jealous,anything but jealous!" He said dramatically. "I don't know why. I just snapped at the other guy talking to Clare." Adam sympothized. "You just don't want anyone thinking about juicing your pineapple...I mean girl." He patted me on the back. "I have to find her and say I'm sorry" Adam nodded. I left the gym,looking for Clare. "Clare!" I yelled. "Juicy fruit!" She walked towards me,as a bunch of kids laughed. "Eli..you really are something." She smiled. "something is sorry" I said. "I just hate the idea of other guys thinking about you,or touching you,or talking to you."

"Eli those other guys are nothing...and why would I want nothing...when I have something?" I smirked. "I'm said something" She rolled her eyes. "oh yah" kissing me against the locker. "You never answered me...who was your first kiss?" He laughed. "It was a complete accident...it was one of my mom's stripper buds."  
"and let me guess you tripped..." He looked at me like owgh oh. "something like that..." I laughed. "Why do we always go to the dances,but never slow dance?" "Edwards that's not my style." She pulled my arm. "You're my style..." She whispered in my ear,sending chills down my spine. "one dance couldn't hurt" The music played a nice slow song. "damn it clare more hip hop" "just rock with the music" She pulled me close.

_was thinkin about her, thinkin about me._  
_Thinkin about us, what we gonna be?_  
_Open my eyes, yeah; it was only just a dream._  
_So I travel back, down that road._  
_Who she come back? No one knows._  
_I realize, yeah, it was only just a dream_

"Edwards you do realize how depressing these lyrics are right?" She leaned her head on my shoulder. "I thought you liked depressing."

"yah deadhand,or death beats,but not the death of a relationship while dancing with the girl I love."

She smiled. "say that again." "death beats and dancing." She shook her head. "the last part."

"girl I love..." She nodded. "I just haven't heard you say that in so long." I stood there completely whipped,dancing with with my girlfriend dressed like a pineapple in the school hallway.

some night huh?

_**to be continued...**_


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

**Musical Shots**

Clare's POV

I finally slept through the night...solution...sleeping with earplugs and Eli on the floor. "Ms Edwards,your assignment." Ms Dawz set the paper on my desk. "82 percent,looks like Eli's tutoring has paid off. _"Eli I can't think while you suck my neck." Eli smirked. "It gets those brain cells working." He said. _I picked up my pencil,tapping Eli on the shoulder. "So up for another tutoring session Juicy fruit?" I playfully pushed him. "I told you not to call me that!" I whispered loudly. "but it's soo cute,being reminded of my tropical starfish." Eli gushed into a smirk.

"Your next assignment is to interview someone who has made an impact on your life and write a 3,000 word essay about it. This is worth 50 percent of your final grade,so make sure you get every detail,the more personal the better,and no Mr Goldsworthy you may not interview someone about their sex life!" The class laughed. I held back my laughter,as Eli shook his head at me.

The bell rang,Eli playfully grabbed my hand pulling me out the school doors. "You heard her the more personal,the better" He snuck a kiss. "You guys,the Torez barbeque is this week,and you know what that means?" Eli pulled the strange guys hand off his shoulder. I did the same. "that's right,drinks The one night where Mrs Torez is gone for the weekend." Eli smiled. "Thanks for the insight."

"So do you want to go?" Eli asked. "A night of colorful drinks or a night of studying?" Clare reviewed her options. "hmm...I'm going with studying." Eli laughed. "Oh yah I'd love to help you with our personal assignment." Eli wrapped his arms around me pressing my navel against him. "The last time we had a personal assignment..." I started. "You got an 82" Eli laughed. "That just goes to show you, you're not an A+ love maker..." Eli scooped me up underneath my knees. "Eli!"

"Tell that to your screams last night." He said "Put me down!" I didn't want the whole school to know about our sex life,hopefully they didn't allready know about it. "So homework tonight... If Sweden is here,and Greece is here..." He pressed his finger against my collar bone,moving to my breast,planting kisses as he went along.

His study methods,were well seductive,but highly affective. "So if A is 5 percent of B." Going back in fourth on my breasts. "okay seriously stop that. You're making me think my breasts are lopsided." I said,pulling my top up. "They are perfect" He went back into my top. "Okay A is 20" I got up. "Was the biting necessary?" I asked,pulling my top back up. He just loved homework time. "So...8:59 Wanna crash the Torez barbeque?" Eli asked.

I picked up the tv remote. "or we could watch vampire diaries..." Eli pouted. "Right and watch Domino and Stephanie finally admit their love for each other. I think I'll pass"I smiled. "It's Damien and Stefan,and they are brothers not lovers."I cut in. "please..." I smiled. "just one hour okay." He smirked. _That meant we would probably spend the night there. _I grabbed my jean jacket,and tossed his leather jacket to him.

We went down the stairs and walked down the street to the Torez's. "So what do you want to do?" Eli walked by the colored lights. "shots" He said,picking up a jello shot. "It's just jello right?" I asked. He snuck into the padio door and walked into the house. I followed. It was routy and noisy and very messy. "Eli" I yelled over the loud music. "seriously one hour"

Eli went down the basement. I went to find Ally. I made my way into the kitchen,grabbing a red plastic cup and a light up ice cube. _That's cool._ I thought. I didn't trust any of the drinks at the party,so I just took the tap water from the sink. "Good choice" Ally said,walking towards me. "There are roofies everywhere" I took Ally's hand. "The buddy system" She said.

We watched as the lights went out,and random people ran around with glow in the dark condoms. "Glow in the dark fun!" Ally gripped my hand tighter. "So where's Eli?" Ally asked. "He went down the basement." I said over the music. "you do know what's going on down the basement right?" Ally asked her eyes bugging out of her head. "What?" I asked,terrified.

"Musical shots" Ally said. "He is not getting drunk!" I yelled,going for the basement door. "Whoa little girl you don't want to go down there.." The football player said. "Ally Bendarri,how bout a lil smoochie smoochie?" The guy pushed up on Ally. I kicked him in the nuts. He moved away from the door,and we quickly made our way down the basement steps.

"Clare!" Eli said shocked. "What do you think you're doing?" I asked,getting ready to pull him up the stairs back to the house. "The guys and I..." I stopped looking at girls with their tops off. "Apparentally...'" I didn't know what to say.

"We're playing musical shots. You go around the chairs,and when the music stops you take the shot on the chair in front of you,or you take off an item of clothing." Drew explained. "Eli come on..." I tugged on his sleeve. "I want to atleast stay one more round..." Eli begged. I sat in the corner of the room with Ally. "one more round and that's it"

I watched as the music played and everyone went around the chairs. Then the music stopped,and everyone took a shot. Adam was refilling the shots one by one. "Join in goody two wards" I looked up at Fitz. "one round" he pleaded. "Eli lets go now." Fitz laughed. "I want your boyfriend to get naked for me." Fitz commented. "Suddenly I'm partied out,Let's go!" Eli said. "You have to play until you're out!" Fitz insisted. Drew nodded.

"That's the rules,you play until you get to a chair with no drink on it." I stood up. "I'll do it!" I said. Ally tried to pull me back. "Get ready to strip..." I stared at KC in front of me. I was about to get really_ really _drunk,cause I wasn't going tostrip for anyone, except Eli. The music started,and we all walked around the table. The music stopped and I looked at the shot infront of me.

"hot sauce" Adam said. _"Damn!" _I thought,chugging the hotsauce. Eli stood there shocked,as did Adam and Drew. "Allright now this party is getting started." The music played again and I stopped at another shot. "jello" Adam said. "I like jello" I said,taking the shot. "with alcohol in it.." Adam forget that little detail. I stuck my tongue out,that tasted horrible and fruity. The music played again and we all went around. "whipped cream" That wasn't so bad.

Drew got out. It was just me,Fitz and KC. This could of not been awkwarder. The music played again. We all went around again. "What the helk is that?" I asked. "sardines..." Adam said. I slipped my jean jacket off,handing it to Adam. "Okay anyone else want to take something off?" Adam asked. The music played again as the game resumed. I stopped at "vodka" I chugged it down. The game went on for hours. I eventually got stone drunk,and Fitz got naked. Kc finally got out,good thing cause the last thing he had left to expose _was his junk._

Eli's POV

I hid my eyes everytime Fitz went around the chairs. He was naked,it was a horrific site. Clare was really drunk. I don't think I've ever seen her this drunk,or drunk at all for that matter. "Cough syrup" Adam said. "uhh" Clare said,chugging it down. "and Fitz you're out!" Adam said. He picked up Clare's arm. "Winner!" Adam said. "Congrats you get this lovely badge.." He pinned the badge on Clare. "Number 1 partyier" I read.

"Come on lets get you home" I said,pulling Clare over my shoulder. We made our way up the stairs. Adam took a drink and he fell on the ground outcold. "Oh my God!" Ally ran to help him. "He got a roofie!" Ally yelled. Fitz laughed. "Give him some room!" I yelled,swinging my body around,accidentally hitting Clare's head on the railing. "owgh" She cried. "sorry" I said.

Drew went to help Adam. Ally took his feet and Drew his shoulders. "Come on Adam man walk it off!" Drew commanded. "Idiot he's outcold!" Fitz yelled. "Anybody could take advantage of him!" Ally said. That wasn't really helping the situation. I made my way up the stairs with Clare. "Eli..." Clare sighed. "Yah,pretty icecubes,take a few for our dresser." I laughed. "You want party favors Edwards?" I asked. "Cause you're going to have a headache and about 4 vomit attacks from whatever the hell it was you chugged!" I said.

I grabbed about 4 icecubes from an ice tub,and went out the door. I stood Clare against the wall,and she fell down. I picked her up again,leaning her back against the wall. I walked in front of her. "Awwghrrherg!" I heard someone gag. I ignored it. Then a shower of puke came down on me. "Fuck!" I yelled,looking up at Fitz in the window. "Stay here." I said to Clare,before going into the house to get cleaned up.

I came back out with a towel,and my skinny jeans on. I had thrown my clothes in Adam's washer. I soon realized Clare was gone. "oh crap" I said. "Clare!" baby! Clare!" I yelled everywhere,trying to find her. "Eli! up here!" Clare yelled. I was afraid to look up. "Damn it!" I yelled. "Stay there!" I yelled. I went to get a ladder. "Next time Clare says one hour,we'll only stay one hour" i said,going into the garage. "oh !" I said. "I can explain!" I picked up the ice bucket and dumped it on Drew & Ally. "What the!"

"Where's Adam?" I asked. "I locked him in his room so no one could take advantage of him. He'll probably sleep for a few days." I rolled my eyes. "Man your junk is lighting up!" Drew exclaimed,pointing at my boxer shorts. "It was the only way I could hawk the party cubes for Clare." I said in defense. "I need a latter." I said,pointing to the latter. "Dude how much did you drink?" I laughed. "I don't drink,I just made you think I did." Who was I kidding?

I was pretty drunk,but I knew who the president was _Eisenhower_,and what year it was,so it wasn't that bad. "How the hell did Clare get up there?" Drew yelled. "I can't tell you." I said. "You smell like puke man." Drew said,squinting at me. "yah and some herbal essences will fix my vampire stench,but first we need to get Clare down!"

I thought a minute,how the hell was I going to get her down? I stared up at the tree. "_damn"_ I muttered,hooking my combat boot onto the trunk. "stay there babe and keep holding onto the branch!" I yelled. "Eli it's so dark tonight" Clare responded. "Whoa! Whoa man!" No!" Drew pulled me off the tree. "bad idea" "We need someone sober,and fully clothed,no offense." I looked around at the party. The only person sober right now is my Mom,and she's at home.

"oh no" I said. I picked up my cellphone. "Ma it's me your son,yah...no I'm not really that drunk,okay maybe a smidge drunk...Um I need some help. I'm at Adam's. Clare is drunk and stuck in a tree..about 6 feet from the ground." I said. "oh Eli..." My mother sounded dissapointed. "I'm on my way." I closed my phone,stareing up at Clare.

_"Few times I've been around that track,so it's not just gonna happen like that,I aint no hollor back girl..." _"Babe try not to sway. Help is on the way." She continued belting out random Gwen Stafani songs,don't ask me how I know that...I grabbed her ipod once,instead of mine...

I waited a good 10 minutes. My mom finally showed up with a net. "Anet Ma?' I asked. _Maybe I should of risked getting arrested and called the fire department._ I thought. "Clare baby how did you get up there?" My mom called up. "I flew! I'm superwoman!" Clare yelled,going back to her "_If I was a rich girl,da na,na,nuh,na,nuh"_ It hurt to roll my eyes. "That's nice!" My Mom yelled.

"okay you're going to slowly climb down and I'm going to spot you,okay?" I looked at the net. "Mom you catch fish with this,not teenage girls." I suddenly had a very perverted visual come over me. I held the net,as my mom started to climb the tree. "Okay,Clare focus on me." Clare let go of the branch,manuvering around the limb to the next. "Good okay,keep going" Mom said,making sure Clare didn't fall.

Clare got to the next branch and then the next one. "okay slide now!" Mom yelled. Clare slid down the tree trunk. "hmmm" "That felt really good" She said with drunk eyes. "Elijah when you are sober,you're grounded." I smirked. "I swear I thought they were all colored hot sauces." I said. My mom helped us back to the house. "Anything else happen,why do you smell like vomit?" She asked.

"Fitz threw up on me" I said. "What did Clare take?" "Hold on" Clare said nasally. She leaned against a tree and threw up. "hotsauce,cough syrup..._jello_" I listed things off. "Come on Clare lets get you some aspirin." My mom held her head. "Well I'm glad you called me." She said. "Eli your pants are lighting up like a christmas tree!" Clare exclaimed. I looked the other way.

"I was drunk,and you were on speed dial" I said.

_**to be continued...**_

_**There you are chapter 21! Hope you liked! New chapter 2 weeks...good for you?**_


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

**House Arrest**

"You to go to school,then come straight home! No dilly dalling,no frolicking,no funny business for 2 weeks!" I shook my head. "Ma,you pick now to get all parental..." My mom rolled her eyes. "After having to get you out of a tree,and you down the street without clothes on,I say this is fair punishment." Clare raised her hand. "by no funny business?" Eli rolled his eyes. "She means no sex!" Clare's eyes popped out of her head. "But we're hormonal teenagers you can't just..." Clare watched my mom's expression,and knew now that my Mom meant business...as in nothing_ funny._

"Get to school! And if I find out you cut a class..." We fled out the door quickly. "I can't believe this!" I grunted,throwing my bookbag in the window,unlocking the door. "We could of watched vampire diaries,but no we decided to play musical shots,and I have no idea how to the hell I got stuck in a tree! or why you woke up the next morning with your junk lighting up! Like a fiboroptic christmas tree!" Clare climbed into the passangers side. "Jump starting on Christmas a little early this year!" I yelled,getting into the drivers seat. Christmas was literally a month away.

"What would your parents have done if you did something like that?" I asked. "Well my dad would probably lock me in my room for years,and hope I wouldn't grow up." I shook my head,starting the car.

The words 2 weeks without sex rang through my head all morning,through math,through chemistry,through french...and English. "Mr Goldsworthy this is unacceptable,writing about the Goon! How did you possibly interview him!" The whole class laughed,by now I was used to it. Class finished. Clare and I made our way down the hall,bumping into Adam,. "So how bad is it?" Adam asked,clutching his book bag. "2 weeks" I said in an unfriendly tone.

"Yah I got a month,and it's straight to school,straight home,straight to church." Adam sighed. "Better than us. We aren't allowed to have sex." Adam laughed. "Clare keep it down..." I said gently,hoping nobody heard that. "You know we don't have to obey my mom,seeing as you're not her child." Clare shook her head. "No just a kid who was taken in,taken care of,and treated better than her own mother." Clare fretted. "Babe..." I started,going for her arm. "No,I wouldn't do anything to betray her trust."

"Okay so we won't skip class,we'll be on our best behavior." I pleaded. "Fine" Clare said,then walked off. I reached in my locker. thanksgiving...in a few days,the first one Clare won't be spending with her family. I picked up my phone. "yah Ma,I have a proposal..." I said. "Yup see you after school."

Clare's POV

"Ugh!" I said,getting into the bathroom stall. "What's wrong?" Ally asked. "I can't scream!" "Well I think it's kind of gross to do those things at school." Jenna chimed in. "Ew Jenna!" I said. "No! It's...just this is the first thanksgiving without my family,without well my house." I said,walking towards the sinks. "Oh Clare" Ally comforted me.

"And his parents take me in,and I dissapoint them ,trying to keep Fitz from seeing Eli naked,and then winde up in a tree. I don't even remember climbing." Ally laughed. "Is that all?" "Then to punish us for doing wrong . She grounded us from having sex." Jenna's eyes widdened. "uhhh...wow" She said,holding her pregnant belly. "Take it from me Clare Bear,sometimes that's not such a bad thing." I rolled my eyes. "Well pregnancy wasn't our problem,and don't call me Clare Bear,I'm not some childrens toy off spreading rays of sunshine!" Jenna walked out of the bathroom. "You sure pregnancy isn't your problem? Cause you're moody,judy." I rolled my eyes.

"Everytime I try to be intimate with him,something goes wrong. Maybe it's me,maybe I'm wrong." Ally grabbed me around the shoulders. "You're an incredible person,who's made mistakes so what! Eli is mad about you in more ways than one,and you two are meant for each other,so some sexual screwups aren't going to get in the way of that." I bellowed my head. "The last time we were intimate. I choked on a banana,and almost died!" Ally laughed.

"okay,maybe just not eat before..." She teased.

Eli's POV

"I can't believe I let you talk me into this...and I can't believe your reading Clare's personal property." Adam took the journal from me. I smirked. "Well it was either this,or a Martha stewart book,so the snow needs to go on the fireplace,and the wisemen over there,unless they'd look better,where no one could see them..." I said.  
My mom laughed. "It's been ages since I've decorated anything for Christmas,with Dad being atheist." Mom stepped away from the fireplace. "What do you think,does it scream? family christmas?" I smiled. "yah" I just realized,I had become Clare's family. "We're her family now." I almost cried,almost. "You allright man? I know just let it out,Christmas makes everyone emotional." Adam patted me on the back. "No! It's not that..." my mom noted my sadness.

"What are you thinking Elikins?" I hated that nickname. "about what to get Clare for christmas."I took Adam's hand,pulling him outside. "Adam,I need to talk to you."

Clare's POV

"What time are you supposed to be home?" I checked my watch. "Crap!" I soon realized,Eli drove away! "Come on,I'll walk you,buddy system style." Ally took my hand. "So you've only had one actual sexual..." Ally started. "yah on the school roof,where I found out some things about Darcy that I probably shouldn't of,and no idea where my permanent record went." Ally laughed. "Well then you're off to a great start then." She laughed,changing the subject. "So you know the drill for the holiday what do you want,earrings,that new chuck puckamuck book?" I rolled my eyes.

"Eli's really starting to get to you,you both roll your eyes the same way." "It's just...I want a family christmas and it's Chuck Palahniuk..." I continued walking. "Well why not pray or wish for that." Ally said. "Jesus you know he does those things." I rolled my eyes. "Ally,Jesus is not a jeanie." "And I did,I put my prayers,wished whatever into my journal,hoping that..." I stopped,grabbing a tear. "Aww Clare. "Mom and Dad would get back together. My mother would forgive me and I don't want temporary happiness,I need something solid and permanent." I cried. Ally hugged me,as we approached Eli's house.

Eli's POV

"You're nuts man!" Adam yelled. "I love her,and I want to make christmas perfect for her. I just don't know how yet,or where..." Adam laughed. "I'm on it!" Adam exclaimed. "" "googling, best places to make idiotic mistake." I smirked. "well it's up to you,frankly you two make me queezy."

"M' pouserez-vous ?" I said. "Okay,now that's kind of sweet and romantic..." Adam said. "Just call me Jack Frost." Adam laughed. "You're more like the heat miser,well the coal miser." Adam laughed. "Adam!" "Damn" "I got to go,before they realize I'm gone." Adam waved,and walked back into his yard.

I flipped through the journal. "I always imagined snow for some reason,lots of it,but not too much that we're snowed in. Then there's always that silly little jewelery box with the ballerina playing a song." I skimmed the pages,trying to find what I was looking for. "Finally" I said,reading the text.

"You got a turkey,and apple crandberry,walnut stuffing,mashed potatoes,squash,corn,cornbread,crandberry sauce and a boat load of gravy." My mother blinked quickly. "That just went right over my head." I said. "We're used to the stouffers dinners,this is like dangerous for us to cook all of this..." My mother commented. "I want her to have a really nice thanksgiving with family." My mother smiled. "You're turning into a softie." She pat my head.

Clare walked in the door. "Hey" She said,hugging me. "So we're not mad at each other?" She laughed. "Well considering you left me alone in the school parking lot..." She set her bookbag down and looked at the livingroom. She smiled. "Wow! I didn't know you guys were into Christmas...so early." Clare said. "Actually that was for you,because we want you to have a beautiful holiday here with us." Clare smiled. "Seriously?" She asked in disbelief. I nodded. "You really are something" Clare said,sneaking a kiss. I laughed. "Just pretend that's mistletoe." I moved the hanging pinecone and walked into the livingroom.

"I can't believe how wonderful you're." Clare said,holding onto my hand. "You know it's funny,cause Daddy always would buy the turkey tv dinners,cause he always worked so late,ya know...and it was a funny tradition." I rolled my eyes. "Yah that's usually what we do too...but since your here,it's time for a new tradition." My mom started. I picked up my phone. "call me" from Adam. "I have to take this..." I said,going outside.

"You're sure about this now..." Adam said. "Okay here's the info. Clare's birthstone is an aquamarine,and she loves pearls." "I have less than a month to put this all together...Should I put it in her stocking?" I thought outload. "Ice skating,take her iceskating,like those romantic movies..." Adam started. "I don't need something out of a hallmark movie" I smirked.

"You could put it in her locker." Adam. What can you do? "School will be closed that day idiot!" "You're on your own then. I simply got you the information." "3,000 dollars" I said. "Yah we have a month to make 3,000 dollars." Adam said. "How much do you have?" Adam asked. "1,253 dollars saved up." I said. "So we need 1,747 dollars...bake sale?" Adam asked. "What do you have saved?" Adam sighed. "Saved for limited Edition the Goon takes on the Grinch who stole christmas." I begged. "Please,please" Adam laughed. "Wow you must really want this gift for Clare,this is the first time I've ever heard you beg."

"Here's to hoping you don't scare her off. Just pretend I'm cheering with a glass of bubbly. So I got a get going,I'll catch you next week,so have a lovely thanksgiving." I closed the phone. "_What are you doing Eli?"_ I turned to see Clare,stareing at me.

"Just wishing Adam a happy thanksgiving." I said. She sat down next to me on the brick steps. "So what can I get my boyfriend for christmas or...whatever you celebrate?" I smirked. "National Goth day,you mean?" I teased. "What I want for Christmas doesn't come wrapped." I said. Clare bit her lip. "I think I know what you mean..." She hugged me from behind,and went into the house. I could hear her on the phone with Ally. "Wow you're really coming out of your shell..." "So can you help me? It has to be really sexy,but not..." "Ew Ally , not crotchless." I smirked.

"This is going to be entertaining." I said.

**_to be continued..._**

**_So it's up to you. Do you want a thanksgiving chapter,or just a Christmas preparation,a christmas chapter and a new years? Cause I know it's like almost thanksgiving for us...incidentally. I didn't make them have thanksgiving in October,because well October creeps me out,so it's in November :) If you have a problem with that,pretend they are celebrating Christmas in November. kk?_**

**_So what do you think is happening? xox. & Have a lovely thanksgiving everyone! _**


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**

**You know what's super funny guys? This is an M story,yet they edited the swears. roflol! fixing that now :)**

**Family Togetherness & Some other things...**

Eli's POV

"Good morning baby" I kissed Clare on the forehead. "Happy Thanksgiving." I said. "Hey the parade is going to be on!" She jumped out of the bed so fast,pulling me down the stairs. "Don't you like the parade?" I rubbed my eyes.

"marching bands,huge floats,and balloons that could fall at any moment sufficating tonds of people,and performances that are cut off just as they get good,what's not to love?" I asked,hinting sarcasm. "I love it!" I stared at the room downstairs. My mother asleep ontop of my dad. I quickly shut the door. "yah that's just typical thanksgiving around here."

"Hey it's broadways rocky horror picture show!" I tried not to seem to enthusied. "make you breakfast? Would you like an egg mcmuffin or some hot cakes?" Clare smiled. "You mean get breakfast at Mcdonalds." I grabbed my leather jacket and went out to my car half asleep. "Hot cakes it is" Clare was just fasinated with the parade. I pulled up to the drivethrough. "yes 2 large coffees,one iced with vanilla,yah and 2 orders of hotcakes and about 12 egg mcmuffins." I got to the window,getting my food and drove back home.

I walked into the house,and my dad was nude going into the refrigerator. "thank God for the Macy's parade" I said. I saw Clare completely fixated on the tv. "oh my gosh Eli! Look at the Rockettes!" She exclaimed,then got up and tried to copy their kicks. "babe,hun hate to break it to you,but you're not a rockette,and that's a family heirloom." I tried to distract her,as my naked dad went back into the room. I threw some egg mcmuffins at them.

"Well off to baste my turkey!" My dad called,going into his bedroom. My eyes opened like a slot machine. "Uhhh" I really hoped Clare didn't witness that. "Look Eli it's scooby doo!" I sat down on the couch. "Here iced coffee,vanilla and a straw,just the way you like it." She took the coffee. "Look it's scrappy doo!" I covered my face. "Damn,happy thanksgiving to me" I mumbled. "Hey Edwards do you mind turning that parade up?" I turned the remote trying to drown out my parents noises. "What's going on in there?"

_"You're really not that innocent."_ I thought. I gave her a look,like_ what do you think?" _She made a disgusted face. "Before breakfast?" She asked. I sat through the parade,hoping someone just anyone would get hit by a float or a balloon...nope nothing." "this part always makes me cry" Clare said,slurping her coffee. "It's Santa!" She exclaimed happily. I face palmed. "yah he's out this time of year. lucky bastard"

"Well it's over,now it's a dog show!" "damn" I thought,sitting through the dog show. "Hi Rocky" Clare said,as a tiny dog walked around the green grass. "Somebody kill me" I mumbled. "I'm going to get a shower,and get dressed." I left Clare to awe at the dogs. Then my dad walked out of his room naked. "on second thought..." I said,pulling Clare up the stairs. "Why don't you shower? because you smell..." She opened her mouth wide. "Eli that's not nice!" She said. I needed an excuse,some excuse. "Yah so go shower! chop chop!" Clare ran up the stairs.

"Smoothe" Dad said. "You can't just run out nude! Clare is not used to that especially on thanksgiving. I really hope she didn't hear what you said, you'll ruin thanksgiving for her." I tried to talk to my dad. "It's my day off." He said,sticking a bagel in his mouth. Then his words were mumbled. "just wear a robe" I said,running up the stairs. "No sex you're still grounded!" My dad called. "just trying to be the responsible parent,but I suppose you could have a little foreplay." I rolled my eyes. _"and what are you thankful for? orgasms..." _I shook my head. "not exactly a traditional family thanksgiving."

Clare's POV

"Stupid Eli!" I said,turning the shower on. I threw my clothes to the side,and climbed into the shower. "Clare! Look you don't need a shower! I just had to get you out of there." I heard Eli step into the bathroom. "Clare..." he asked again. "Eli I'm kind of mad at you right now." "Yah well I'm mad at you for making me watch that parade!" "I'm mad at you for telling me I smelt." Eli chuckled.

"I forgot the good part. It should of been you smell good" Clare laughed. "too late,I'm in the shower,totally ruining my shower every 2 days schedule."I sighed. I watched Eli standing outside the shower. This was killing him. "This sillouwhette is not helping right now." Eli said,slipping his shirt off. "Eli I'm perfectly fine showering alone..." I said. "uhh well I'm not"

Eli's POV

"peut- tre mon papa est sur quelque chose. Edwards I voudrait beaucoup r pandre la sauce crandberry sur vous"

_Maybe my dad is onto something. Edwards I would very much like to spread crandberry sauce on you_

Clare rolled her eyes. "Really you're back to that!" She asked. "It's a holiday,I think I've earned it." I said,slipping my pajama pants off and my boxers,crawling into the shower. "That only took what 2 minutes?" Clare asked. "Come on Clare,gobble gobble." I slid closer to her,gripping my teeth to her neck. "Nice combat boots." Clare said. "I was in a hurry to get in here." Clare laughed. She was going to give up. "

I'm votre lufa, et moi aiment toucher chaque pouce de votre peau.  
_I'm your lufa,and I love to touch every inch of your skin_

I' m n'ayant pas le sexe avec vous dans une douche, ainsi obtiennent cette pens e hors de votre esprit en ce moment.  
_I'm not having sex with you in a shower,so get that thought out of your mind right now_.

en vous entendant parlez fran ais me tourne juste sur plus. Rassemblement Clare' de M. Tongue ; bouche de s.  
_hearing you speak french is just turning me on more. Mr Tongue meet Clare's mouth._

I threw her against the shower door,kissing her forcefully. She dropped her arms around my neck,as she jumped her legs around my waist. "Whoa" She said. "That's what 2 weeks of no sex does to me." I said,slowly bringing her down to the floor of the shower. "No sex" That's really hard to have an argument in this compremising of a position on the floor of a shower.

"Eli!" My mom called. "Damn." Too late. She walked into the bathroom. "Adam's on the phone for you" She looked down,laughing. "Well that's quite interesting." Clare stood up. "He was just helping me find my earring..." Clare lied. I grabbed a towel,getting out of the shower.

"What do you want Cock blocker!" I said mad. Adam laughed. "Did I interrupt some thanksgiving fun? Look I found a jewelery store out here that has it for only 500.00." I smiled. My boner holding up my towel. "Okay buy it!" I said. "Wait for the picture" I held the phone,looking at the photo. "perfect" I said. "Do you know what size she is..." Adam started. "uhh..." "get a 5...and if it needs to resized we'll do that later." I said.

"Okay,once again you're an idiot." I looked down. "At the rate this is going,I probably won't be getting any for a long time." I said,shutting the phone. "nice real nice,how hard is to say ttyl,or bye Adam?" I laughed at the text. "So 1 hour,get your butt over here. I'm not paying it."

Clare's POV

I climbed out of the shower. I have no idea why Eli would make a move that strong on thanksgiving. I shook the thought out of my head,and towel dried myself. "! more week,and then you can have all the sex in the world." I said to myself.,walking into our room. I watched Eli,I think jump out the window.

"Eli!" I yelled,pulling my towel. "Sorry I have to go somewhere" He called back. I watched in disbelief as he spead off. I dropped the towel and got dressed,picking up my phone. "you have no idea what I just heard from DREW!" I opened the text. "Eli is planning on..." The phone went dead. "Damn! forgot to charge it last night." I went to plug in my phone. "Clare,Eli!" I heard his mom call. I quickly got dressed,and went down the stairs.

"Eli went somewhere,I have no idea where." I said. "Well he'll be back." I looked down. "I'm sorry about the shower thing...I don't know what got into him." His mom laughed. "horomones." She laughed. "Don't worry about it." She said. "Do you want to help me make dinner?" I smiled. "I would love to." "oh and Clare you can call me CeCe,or Mom." She raised her eyesbrows. "Thanks CeCe that means a lot." I said.

Eli's POV

"500.00" I said. "This better be worth it." I picked up the jewelery box. "The same little ballerina in a box" Adam said. "That's so romantic man." "I can't keep it at my house,so you need to keep it at yours." Adam sighed.

"and when someone finds it,I tell them it's..." Adam asked. "A christmas gift." I said. Adam took the box. "I'm entrusting you with this." Adam sighed. "yah yah..."

"The key is under the flower pot in my window. Put it in the closet,and that's it." Adam said. I put the box in my car and drove the hour drive back home. I made my way to Adam's window,dropping the box gently in the closet. I climbed back out the window,and went back to the house. "Where we're you?" Clare asked. "I went to get donuts." I burped. That was lucky. "Where are they?" Cece asked. "I ate them." I ran up the stairs. "No,Eli of course we don't need your help making dinner." Cece rolled her eyes.

Adam's POV

"It sucks that this freak storm came out of nowhere,and we have to spend thanksgiving at home!" Drew exclaimed. "nice cover" I whispered. "I for one am thankful that Grandma didn't meet Adam this year. I need to give her time to get used to it." I rolled my eyes. "We're home!" Dad said. I raced quickly up the stairs,into the closet. "Wow" I said.

Drew followed. "Are you getting...?" Drew asked. "uh it's not mine." I said. "I'm holding it for a friend..." I started. "So it's Ally's?" Drew asked. "Why did you buy my girlfriend that?" Drew got mad. "Look it's not mine, or Ally's." "It's Eli's gift for Clare,and I'd appreciate it,if you didn't tell Clare!" I closed the box and locked it. "And what if I overheard you and Eli talking and told Ally about it?" I gave him a look like ...Are you kidding me?

I closed the closet door. "Ding Dong!" I looked out the window. It was Clare. "Quick! Hide this!" I tossed the ring at drew,and went down the stairs. "Hey..." I said. "Hey we made a little too much of everything,just wanted to bring you guys some,since this freak storm has shut down the roads." Clare smiled.

"Well thankyou we appreciate it." "Adam can I ask you something?" Clare pulled me aside. "I got Eli this...but I was wondering if you could hide it,cause he can smell a christmas present a mile away." She handed me a watch. "Wow...it's..." "was my grandfathers,and I really want Eli to have it." I smiled. "Sure,just come with me a second." I pulled her up the stairs to my room. "It will be right here,so just so you remember." Clare smiled. "oh my God!" She stopped,at Drew's bag. "Is Drew?" Clare asked...

"going to ask Ally to marry him?" I gulped. "yes" I swollowed my lie. "Don't tell her,it's going to be a huge surprise!" "I won't,don't worry" She smiled again. "I think it's soo sweet,he even got her birth stone." I swollowed again. "That's Drew for you, a charmer." Clare smiled. "Well I better get going,incase we lose electricity." She hugged me and left.

"Drew!" I yelled. "I quickly hid the box..in my gym bag." I shook my head. "Great,now you have to convince her that you're getting engaged to Ally!" "Oh Shit! " Drew exclaimed. "We went on one date." "and made out in the garage a few times..." I added.

"Well let Eli know before he says something wrong." I picked up my phone. "We have a problem." I said. "yah Clare was just telling me how Drew is asking Ally to marry him." I face palmed. "I think it's the most completely ridiculous,idiotic thing to ever do." Eli exclaimed. "I think it's sweet" Clare said. "Well look at the bright side,she won't suspect anything now..." Eli, I'm pretty sure was mentally strangeling me with his hands. "yup happy thanksgiving." I said,hanging the phone up.

"So now I have to fake an engagement." Drew said.

"Clare saw the ring,that's bad luck right there." I concluded. "What do we do?" Drew asked. "I have no idea man." "We have to pray Eli doesn't come after us in our sleep like that guy from that comic." I gulped.

_**to be continued...**_


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24 **

**Victoria Secret Santa**

Clare's POV

"What do you think?" I twirled around in a very revealing,red and white Mrs Clause get up. "Eli must of been really good this year." Ali giggled. "Well I figured,I needed something to make up for me dragging him to christmas eve mass." I smiled. "So looks like Eli is getting the best christmas gift,what do you think he's getting you?" Ally giggled. "I can honestly say,you won't sexpect it." She smiled. "so...you and Drew,I always thought I'd be the one to get married first,until I met Eli." I teased. "yah it was a shock to me to. He just called me up on the phone,saying "lets get married."

I put the sexy lingerie back in the bag. "Well I sent Eli to the store to pick up gift cards and things for christmas. I really hope the list doesn't get run over by a car or something." Ally laughed. "Right he could think candycane said candy cocaine."

I giggled,tossing the bag under the bed.

Eli's POV

"Look at that Christmas condoms,for your candy cane." I laughed at the hidious box infront of me. "the next time Clare and I do that,it will be special." I held the list in my hands. "sweaters for everyone,giftcard for Adam." I thought outloud. "sweaters,right when in doubt,buy a sweater." I made my way to the clothing wrack,going through sweaters. "Which one you like? and on christmas morning you better act surprised!" I scolded. Adam rolled his eyes. "the green one." I slid the sweater off the manican,and put it in my cart.

"So then...matching sweaters for everyone. Clare really wants a traditional christmas." I picked up another sweater. "It's for the family christmas card." "Well the simpler the better." Adam smirked. "What are you going to get lovely miss Clare for christmas?" I looked down. "ew Eli" Adam covered his face. "I thought maybe..." Adam laughed. "You don't know what to get her do you?" I shook my head. "I was just going to randomly buy things,and watch her reactions,then when she said_ I love it_,say it's from me." Adam clicked his teeth,and looked away. "yah that's a good plan." He said sarcastically.

We walked past the underwear section. "Ho Ho! Horney" I teased,picking up a pair of red santa looking boxer shorts. I threw them in the cart. "Okay so did you get everything on the list?" Adam asked. "A gift card to bitches are us...for no other than Fitzyboy." I rolled my eyes and continued shopping. "red and green m&m's." I absolutely hated christmas music,but the song Grandma got run over by a reindeer..."You may say there's no such thing as santa!" I bumped Adam on the head.

"Shut up,you annoying little elf." He laughed. We finished the shopping,and brought the cart to the car. Adam and I were stopped suddenly by a couple of thugs. "What's in the bags?" I didn't like where this was headed. "obviously Kmart merchandise,did you miss the sign?" The guys laughed. "I didn't ask for an attitude." The thugs pulled us against the herse,as they made off with our bags.

"Damn!" I said. "I hope you like ugly sweaters!" I yelled back. They threw one bag back. "Red and green m&m's and santa's boxers." "Well atleast Adam got a sweater this year." Adam took the bag in the front seat. "So how do we break it to Clare,that we were mugged by a couple of thugs?"

I rolled my eyes. "let me handle it." I locked the doors quickly. "So what are we going to give everyone for Christmas?" Adam asked. I stopped infront of a strip club,where there were secret santa gifts in a box outside. "Apparentally whatever's in these boxes." I smirked. "One for dad,mom,clare,ally,fitz,and well Adam's got a sweater." "Gee thanks" Adam said. I dropped the gift boxes into the backseat and we sped off.

"Eli's there's a good chance there could be drugs in there..." Adam stared at the boxes in the back. "hopefully not." I said. "Shake them?" I asked. Adam picked up a gift from the back seat,and shook it. "Oh yah!" The box growled. "Yah my dad will love that." Soemthing told me,I'd be making christmas a little extra merry for everyone...especially if I pop the "Merry Christmas,Marry me?" on Clare.

"Hey Eli...we forgot a tree." "Damn!" I turned the car around.

Clare's POV

"Fitz,please come in." Fitz walked into the house. "Just leaving a plate of cookies." I looked at the cookies,trying to ignore there shapes. "There just lovely. Eli isn't home with your gift yet." Fitz smiled. "How is that sexy little elf doing?" I tried to restrain my fear. "He's fine,and I'm sure he appreciates these lovely,penis shaped cookies." I tried not to laugh too hard. "Actually there cockies." I suddenly felt sick. "Even better!" "Well off to spread good tidings of joy." I smiled,as he left.

"Oh wow!" Ally laughed. "He still has the hots for your boyfriend." "Did you notice the powdered sugar?" I set the cookies down on the kitchen table.

Eli's POV

"Just a small tree." I looked up at sky scrapers of trees. "We could have it cut down..." Adam suggested. "This needs to be able to fit on his lap." The man raised his eyebrows and started cutting the tree down. "too big" I said. We waited a good hour. "perfect" I said. "Eli..you can barely string popcorn around this..." I smirked. "It's perfect." Adam laughed. "yah for a mouse" "So it's a little short..."

"Eli it's 2 feet tall." I shrugged my shoulders and Adam held the tree in the front seat. "Were home!" "Let me help you with the tree!" Mom insisted. "nope Adam's got it." My Mom's eyes got huge. "Eli,baby this isn't exactly what we meant." Clare looked down at the tree. "It will have to do." She rolled her eyes. "I can fit uhh maybe 3 family ornaments on it."

"Did you get everything on the list?" Clare asked. "yup and had everything gift wrapped." Clare's jaw dropped. "oh" She said. "Okay well let's get this tree set up." She said. Adam picked up the tree and set it down. "done" He said,with little effort.

We spent the next few hours,wrapping the lights around it,again and again and again. "Well that's one set of lights done." Clare laughed. "that's all it needs." We turned the tree on,and I rolled the christmas presents under it,taking the "To Bobby,To jason" tags off of the presents. "mmm cookies."

"uhh" Clare said something. "Fitz made those." I looked down. "Did I just bite into a pecker?" I asked,running for the bathroom. Clare covered her mouth.

"I set about 8 ornaments on the tree. Okay we have to get going to church." Eli groaned. "Come on you promised." I waved the keys in my hands. "actually as a tradition,we always open one present on Christmas eve...so Eli...here." Clare handed me a gift bag. "A christmas sweater." I sounded so enthusied.

"I just knew you'd love it." "I don't want you wearing black to mass." I changed into the hideous sweater with large christmas polar bears on it and jingle bells. Adam laughed. "I got you one too Adam." I smirked at him. "Adam just loves polar bears." "Nope I got him gingerbread men." "Thanks Clare." Adam faked a smile.

Clare's POV

"CeCe this is for you,and Bull frog..." "Oh how cute a little frog." "Thankyou Clare this is beautiful." "And Ally...I think this is yours." Ally smiled,rushing over. "Oh you didn't,you shouldn't be blowing your paycheck on me." I giggled. "I didn't." "Oh Clare...a his and hers towel set." Ally gave Eli a scared stare.

"It's wonderful,just wonderful." Ally smiled. I could tell she really like it,but her eyes kind of said _help me. "_For the soon to be newly weds."

"Well we better get going." I stood up,taking Eli's arm. Ally and Adam followed. "Hideous sweater" Eli muttered. "I knew you'd love it." He smirked. "I'm going to get you back for that." I smiled. "I'd love to see you try..."

Eli's POV

Clare stood up in her long robe and got up to go sing with the choir. I followed,crawling through crowds of people. "Eli what are you doing up here?" Clare asked. "oh,nothing." I smirked,and climbed under her robe. "Eli!" "This is a place of worship!" Clare whispered loudly. I waited for the choir to start then slowly pulled her panties down. "Eli!" Clare whispered. "Shall we begin?" some one said. "we shall." I snickered.

"Joy to the world!" Clare kicked me. The song ended,someone talked,blah blah blah. I waited. "Gloria...Gloria." The choir sang. Then I started pleasuring her. "Eli" I heard Clare softly,under the music. "Eli..." "I told you I'd get you back." "The punishment doesn't exactly fit the crime." her breath quickened as the chorus drove in.

"Glor...or or or or ia..." Clare's singing became. "Glor or oh oh oh oh ia." "Eli" She said under her breath. " Glori OH!" Clare screamed. The whole church went silent. She looked embarresed. "Sorry lost my place,continue nothing to see here." She bit her lip nervously. I crawled out from under her,licking my chops. She looked shocked. I hid behind the rows of choir singers,and slipped out of the church,where some old woman chased me with holy water.

Clare's POV

_Really Eli you didn't even bother to put my pants back on._ I watched as the whole church went silent. Everyone was in prayer. "Now go in peace!" I stood up,running into the crowds of people,tripping with my panties around my ankles. "I'm allright" I said,ducking down,trying to find a place to pull my pants up. Ally saw this and panicked. "uhhh...uhhh." She looked at Adam. "distract them" She whispered. "Let's talk about God ,shall we?" Adam started to distract the group of people,long enough for me to pull my pants up. Eli was outside the church laughing.

My eyes were wide and on fire. "Over a sweater?" Eli smirked. "a very ugly sweater. That and for dragging me to church." I was just mortified. "You're lucky no one saw that." I scolded. "I should break up with you." "I couldn't help it,the skirts were so roomy,it was taunting me." I clenched my jaw and walked off into the snow.

"I don't know what to say,this time you might of gone to far." I looked at Ally and we started walking together.

Eli's POV

"You gave her a tongue tornado,during church?" I smirked. "yup..." Adam covered his mouth. "How are you going to top next christmas?" Adam shook his head. "I highly doubt Clare is going to marry you now." "What!" Clare stopped. "oh shit!" I exclaimed. "He meant have yourself a merry little christmas...now!" I motioned for Adam to sing with me. "Here we are as in olden days." Adam belted out,snapping his fingers with the song.

"Well Ally convinced me to forgive you,saying you probably had a little too much egg nog,but I don't know anymore." Clare walked off. "Through the years!" I slugged Adam. "shut up,please."

"That was close." Adam said. "I'm not going to be an idiot." I ran after Clare. "baby,I'm sorry okay." "I got really carried away,and I'm sorry." I meant it. "Okay,don't ever do that again,well do that again,but not in a place of worship!" I smirked. "So then backseat of my car?" She slugged me. "It's impossible to stay mad at you,especially on christmas."

"Santa would like to come down your chimney tonight." I smirked. "Nice pun." She shook her head. "Well it's officially Christmas." She said. "yah,christmas." She leaned in to kiss me,as the clock striked midnight. "So Cinderella,should we get you home?" She shook her head,and kept kissing me. "We both should go home." She smiled,her eyes turning seductive.

Clare's POV

"Well we're off to Aunt Rosie's" Mr & Mrs Goldsworthy went out the front door. "see you guys tomorrow,Merry Christmas." I was pretty sure they were both,extremely high. "There's some stocking stuffers in the stocking on the fire place,if you want them." I smiled and waved. I went to the fireplace,grabbing the stocking,expecting to find condoms,but instead...found 2 sticks that looked like odd looking tampons,without strings.

I rushed up the stairs quickly. I rustled my hair,and peeled my clothes off,finding the sexy lingerie outfit. I brushed my teeth and put it on,waiting for Eli to come up the stairs. I lit some candles and smiled. "Clare!" Eli called,running up the stairs. "My parents are leaving..." He stopped and raised his eyebrow. "You said what you wanted for christmas doesn't come wrapped." I threw my arms over his shoulders.

"Lets get you out of that ugly sweater." I pulled the sweater over his head,and planted little kisses over his shoulders,chest and abs. "Clare,I'm shocked,but really turned on." I smiled.

Eli's POV

I've never seen this side of Clare before,well I have,but that was in my dreams. "I want to make love to you" She bit into my neck. "Okay dokey" I said. I really couldn't refuse an offer like that.

I m ayant Noël blanc dans mon pantalon

_I'm having a white christmas in my pants._

She pressed her hands into my chest,and pushed me onto the bed. She climbed on top of me,straddeling my waist. She kissed me passionately and she kissed me forcefully. She widdled her hands around my back and went to open my belt. "Hey" I stopped her. "This is backwards." I flipped us over,so now she was underneath me. Then I kissed her neck,moving to her bra,when something dropped out.

"Wow Clare did some of your bible buddies give you joints?" She laughed. "No CeCe and Bullfrog did,I think. I mean they were pretty high." I picked up the joint,thinking hey it's the holiday. I lit the joint on one of the white candles Clare had,then sucked in. "Eli!" I thought she was going to get mad but instead. "Share" She said. She took the other joint,lighting it and sucked in. We broke into a kissing frenzy.

"I love you" I whispered. She smiled,moving her hips closer to my hard on. Then I stopped when I realized something. "What's wrong?" Clare sat up,covering herself.

"I can't do this." I said. "Why cause I'm on the pill." She said confused. "because I love you to much,and our first time was just raging horomones." I slid the sweater on. I tried to think of how I was going to do this,what I was going to say. "Is it me?" I shook my head. "No,for the first time it's me and my guilty conscience." I went out the door,with a boner,sucking hard on the joint.

I knocked on Adam's window. "What the hell man!" He opened the window. "I need the ring." Adam rolled his eyes. Are you high or something?" I smiled. "Oh man you're! He handed me the box. The impact of the box,and my completely high mind... made me fall,landing on my back. "fuck!" I yelled,holding the large jewelry box .

"Eli!" Clare yelled,running outside in lingerie,into the new snow. "You followed me?" Clare nodded. "Well duh" "I seduced you,we took drugs,then you seduced me then ran out the door." She stopped when she saw the box on my chest. "a little help here." She helped me up. "This isn't exactly how I wanted to do this." I wasn't sure if I could even kneel.

"Clare...do it Eli,just do it." My heart was beating a mile a minute. "Clare Diane Edwards..." "Hey!" I stopped when Mr Torez ran out of his house holding a baseball bat. I looked up at the night sky,snowflakes falling on my face.

_"really? This is punishment for pleasuring on church grounds huh?"_

"Eli! It's the middle of the night,are you drunk?" I shook my head,flicking the joint into the snow. "You're smoking pot?" I nodded. Why deny it? Clare ran into the snow,picking up the joint. "the evidence is right here,and will land you in handcuffs,and not even the fun kind." She smirked. Mr Torez walked back into his house,completely ignoring my half naked girlfriend in the snow,and the joint in her hand.

She sucked it in. "Hey this reminds me of the box I had when I was little." She exclaimed. "Why don't you open it,then?" Clare laughed. "because it's..."

I laughed. "and not a creature was sturing,only Eli." She picked up the box,and opened it. The ballerina went around,playing a song. "beautiful dreamer." "It's making me dizzy" She said. I picked up the ring and stuck it in my pocket. She stopped,when a police cruiser shined it's lights in front of us. "Eli those are some really bright lights." I caught her before she fell into the snow. "Damn" I thought. "What's going on out here?"

I stuck the joint in my pants. "owgh" I hissed. The officer took one look at us,and I knew we were in trouble. "We got a call about some tresspassers in the area,are you sober? Can you walk in a straight line for me?" The officer held up his finger and I followed it. "You're obviously heavily intoxicated." Clare spoke up. "actually we're extremely high,on all white candy canes." The officer rolled his eyes. "good going" I rolled my eyes.

"Well come on,down to the station." I grunted. "on christmas?" The officer took us into the cop car,shutting the door. "Great we got arrested on christmas." I mumbled.

**to be continued...**  
one more chapter...oh man what a ride it's been. That's not meant to be a pun :)  
xoxo reviews are wonderful.


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25 **

**Merry,Marry me?**

Eli's POV

"Merry Christmas to us." Clare grunted as the officer threw us into the jail cell. "I'm in red lace." She grabbed my jacket,covering herself. "You have a hideous sweater to keep you warm." She said. "I'm sorry,I got us arrested." I said. my head ringing. I noticed we had a jail cell all to ourselves. The officer walked out of the room,leaving us,locked in the cell. "We'll deal with this after Christmas." I grunted. "Thanks and a very merry christmas to you too!" I saluted a wave.

"So we're stuck here,might as well sing jail house rocking around the christmas tree." I rolled my eyes. "If you would of just let me have my way with you,we wouldn't be locked in a jail cell,dressed like Mr&Mrs Santa Idiot,freezing our asses off." Clare curled his lips. "This is pretty funny." I couldn't help,but find humor in the situation. "yah a real nice story to tell our grandkids." Clare relaxed,dropping her head to my shoulder. "I'm sorry" I said.

"I made you go on believeing that Drew and Ally were engaged,when that wasn't true..." I really hate confessions... "The truth is...I stumbled across your journal,and read how you had that jewelry box as a kid with the ballerina,and I put the engagement ring in it,and..." She was falling asleep on my shoulder. I mean it was nearly 2 am. "I was planning on asking you to marry me,that's why I couldn't sleep with you tonight. Our first time wasn't all that special...and I want to make it up to you,you want the white dress and the rose petals. I was stupid." Clare slowly opened her eyes.

"Did you get that?" I asked. "every word" She said,reaching up to kiss me. "You're a really good guy,Eli." Clare smiled. "and pretty original..." I made my way to the cold jail floor,and reached in my pocket. "It seems like everything we do is a disaster or someone gets sent to the hospital or arrested,but I wouldn't change that. I want to be your family,and I want to be part of mine,permanentally." I kneeled down,stareing at her.

Épousez-moi Edwards ?

"Clare Diane Edwards,will you marry me?" That was easier than I thought it would be. She sat in shock,as her eyes welled up with tears.

"I would say yes,but that would mean we got engaged in a jail cell." I smirked. "yah well I proposed in one, kneeling in gum,so it's down hill from here,babe." She smiled. "Okay" "I will marry you." My heart stopped,as I put the ring on her finger. "That's your birthstone." Clare smiled. "I wondered why Drew would give Ally an aquarmarine,when she was born in July." She smirked back at me. "How did you figure it out? Edwards?" "I didn't,I was hoping." I picked her up,swinging her around like one of those romantic comedies,and we kissed and we kissed for what seemed like hours.

"You've been sprung." I looked up "Adam!" Clare exclaimed. "I don't know why I bailed you out,but it's Christmas,so let's get home and open those presents." We both smiled,as we walked out of the police station. "I'm engaged!" Clare picked up her phone to call Ally.

"So you finally did it. I'm surprised." I smirked at Adam. "I'm constantly surprising you."

Clare's POV

Adam fished the jewelry box out of the snow. It was the best gift. I'd ever recieved,that and Eli. I smiled,opening my gifts. "Merry Christmas,bestie." "something blue" She teased. "Thankyou Ally!" Adam handed me a box. "I'll save you the initial shock,mine is something new,and Drew's is something old. "Something borrowed." I smiled. "You knew Eli was going to ask me,Cece?" She smirked. "Well I did say you could call me Mom." "Allright everyone put on your ugly hideous sweaters,we have some pictures to take." We all smiled for the camera. "More gifts to open." Eli's mom reached for the shiny blue box. "It's lovely... "She tried to hide her digust. Eli's dad opened his box. "The Peter pepper,penis,pecker." He smirked. "I've always wanted one of these, thanks son."

Ally looked at her box. "I'm scared to open it." She peeled the paper off. "a vibrating pantie,you know me so well." She rolled her eyes. Drew picked up his box. "uhhh thanks man I've always wanted a nude girl calender." Adam shook his head laughing. "That leaves yours Clare." "Eli were exactly did you shop? outside a strip club?" Eli and Adam looked at each other laughing. "funny you should ask..." "Atleast it's not for a guy." I sighed. "knock knock" "I'll get it" Mrs Goldsworthy rushed to the door.

"I'm looking for my daughter..." I stopped,at my mother's voice. "Clare!" Tears started to well up. "Mother!" I exclaimed. "I'm so sorry" She stopped. "That's not important now,all that's important is that you're okay. I want you to come home." I cried. "I'm allready home." I said,as Eli approached the door.  
"oh well then,merry christmas." My mother turned her back and walked back to her car. "Mom! wait!" I ran after her. "Atleast stay for Christmas dinner." Eli followed. "Your father seems to be over me." She sucked back tears. "yah,well his loss." I said,pulling her into the house. "I'm engaged." My mother dried her tears. "What about the baby?" She asked,sitting down her purse. "funny story..." Eli started. My mother just looked at me. "You better sit down for this." I said. "I'll get us some drinks,some strong drinks." Cece said.

"okay we faked the pregnancy,and when I went back to apolgize you had left." My mother looked shocked. "Take a few extra shots in that." Cece insisted. "Eli and I got engaged in a jail cell today,um anyways..." Adam interrupted. "Hey Clare...Can I talk to you a second?" Adam pulled me aside,while Eli and his parents tried to explain what had happened to my Mother.

"I may of taken this from the school.." He leaned in handing me the box. I opened it,gasping. "My permanent record." I looked around before I closed the door. "Why did you steal this!" Adam sighed. "I had overheard your mother on the phone with simpson say she was transfering you to an all girl school. I figured they couldn't,if I took it." I laughed,and hugged Adam. "That's one of the sweetest things anyones ever done for me." "I thought now was the best time if any,that and I had no idea what to get you for christmas." I smiled. "This is more than enough." I tucked the record in my purse,thinking...now how do I get it back? "Here's Eli's christmas gift." I smiled holding the watch.

"So how's she taking everything?" I asked. "surprisingly well. She even offered to pay half the wedding. Could just be the alcohol talking though." I smiled. "we want a small wedding,right?" Eli laughed. "I was actually thinking we could get married in that jail cell." He reaked sarcasm. I playfully punched him. "ouch!" he said. "What are you going to do? punch me after I say I do?" I smirked. "maybe,I'll think about it." "Hey look!" Adam said. "You're standing under the mistletoe." Eli pulled me into him,kissing me senseless. "Now that's what you call a very merry christmas." I looked down at his pants. "Get rid of it,we have guests!" I whispered. Eli raced up the stairs. I followed,making sure no one was looking. "peppermint condoms?" Eli smirked. "yup,best christmas gift ever."

"If I choke you're the one calling 911" He smiled in satisfaction. "Well ho,ho oh!"

_**The end**_

_**Thankyou so much for reading :) xoxo :)**_


	26. Chapter 26

**Double S **

**Shameless Secrets**

** Part 2 to Secrets of Shame**

**Allright so It is going to be like coming clean 50 chapters,cause they have a lot more to do. I do realize you got jipped from completely intimate sex scenes,so there will be a few of those,plus some fun shocking things. Okay get ready...**

**Chapter 26**

**Double Timed**

Eli's POV

"Good morning!" I outstretched my arms,looking down at my beautiful fiance. That's when I realized,that wasn't my fiance. There was a sleeping guy in my bed. He was fully clothed,but smelt really drunk and apparentally slept with a wad of cash in his pants. I slowly climbed out of my bed. I looked down,I wasn't wearing pants. I quickly covered myself,before running into the bathroom to panic,tripping on a near naked Ally laying with Fitzyboy with his finger in his nose,on my new carpet.

My eyes shot open,and I had the worst headache. "What happened?" The last thing I remember was Clare giving me a blow job,and my parents walking in on us. "Oh well Ho,Ho,Blow!" My dad encouraged. I was mortified. I looked everywhere,but there was no sign of Clare,anywhere.

"Well happy New year Eli." Did I throw a party? Was I dreaming? I really didn't know. I went down the stairs,afraid of what I would find. A bunch of random kids passed out on my couch,confetti everywhere,and Drew sleeping against my open refrigerator door. "_Well I guess I was drugged and raped_." I looked down,at the ugly strap on laying on my floor. "What the hell happened?"

I slowly walked over to the refrigerator,moving Drew out of the way. I guess I must of scared him,cause I leant down and he got up screaming! "Ahhhhh! Man where the hell are your pants? You could poke an eye out with that thing!" I closed the refrigerator. "_guess someone fucked my ice maker." _I thought,shutting the door.

"Do you remember what happened last night?" Drew shook his head. "My head is on fire,man!" I didn't even want to try to roll my eyes. The only thought going through my mind. "Find my pants" followed by "find your fiance"

Clare's POV

I woke up quickly. The sound of christmas music playing on and off in my head. Just the familiar jingle bells,playing on repeat,and a bunch of voices everywhere that echoed through my head. I brushed my face off and yawned.

"Whoa there's snow in my bed" I started to climb out of my bed,when I realized I was on a fricken roof in a sleigh,and not wearing pants! I looked at 9 reindeer infront of me,and immedially started looking for Santa,but all that was there was frosty the snowman,and a bunch of lights.

I had the worst headache of my life. I reached down and found a pair of Santa looking boxer shorts. "I fooled around in santa's sleigh." I thought,thinking "oh man" I really hope no one saw that. I looked at the tree above me,covered in snow. "Damn" I thought. How was I going to get down? and where were my pants? and most importantly where was Eli? and "Where the helk am I?"

Eli's POV

I stared at the kid in my bed,hoping he wasn't dead and that Fitz didn't plant his body in my bed to frame me. Wow I was really_ paranoid_. I saw the wallet in his pocket and reached in trying to find some form of identification... "hmmm that's nice Clare." The kid was alive and mumbling my fiance's name. "Hey idiot!" I screamed,pushing him out of my bed,only to discover the bite marks on his neck.

"Great he's a vampire! Just what I need" I said sarcastically. The boy slowly blinked his eyes open. "Ahhhhhhh!" He screamed,then started to panic. "What the hell happened!" He stood up,holding his head. "owgh" "I'd like to know the same thing, did you go down on my fiance?"I asked. The boy shook his head. "The room is spinning." Then he fell on his back and onto Fitz.

"Hey pretty boy" The boy got up and screamed again. "Ahhhhhhh!" "Where am I?" I laughed. "You don't know what happened do you?" the boy looked down. "Yah well someone made off with my pants." He ran down the stairs screaming. "You will be hearing from my lawyer."

"I hope I didn't rape that delicious looking boy" Fitz said,his voice groggy. "ahh..." Adam woke up and of course I was expecting the scream. "You guys!" Adam panicked. "Did we die? Are we all dead?" I rolled my eyes. "beats me,I can't find Clare or my pants." I yawned. "Hey guys!" Drew yelled. "You might want to see this!"

I made my way down the stairs. The pretty boy was lying flat in the snow. "We better get him in,you know incase we might have done illegal things to him."  
Drew and I carried the boy into the house,pushing some drunk unsuspecting kids over and planting him on the couch. "Okay kids partys over!" He pushed them out the front door.

"Oh shit!" Adam exclaimed. "You guys that's Declan Coyne..." Drew said. "as in Clare's ex." Ally said,coming down the stairs holding her head. "Am I the only one who thinks something aweful happened last night?" Adam was lost in another thought. "as in the guy that Clare used to date?"

"We just said that idiot!" "Okay well we better find out what day it is,what year, you know the basics." Ally turned the tv on. "_and nobody can explain why or how this girl got trapped on the roof of the Degrassi community mall,but one things for sure. She's definately on the naughty list_.' I stopped a second. The camera cut to a red sleigh decoration. Then we all covered our ears for a loud menicing scream. "Eli!" Clare yelled. "oh shit!" I covered my mouth.

"Well looks like Santa Claus really came to town,last night." Ally commented. We all broke out laughing. Then I realized something...  
"Hey pretty boy!" I pushed the couch over. "owgh!" The boy hit the floor. "Did you sleep with my fiance in a display sleigh?" The boy held his head. "I need to use the facilities." He ran for my bathroom.

"You guys that's Declan Coyne!" Adam exclaimed. I rolled my eyes. "Yah you just told us that!" Drew said. "That's the guy Clare used to date!" Adam exclaimed. "WE know Adam!" We all looked at each other. "What's he on?" Ally asked. "repeat,obviously." "Better question,what are we all on?" Drew asked.

Clare's POV

I put on the strange boxers,only cause I had nothing to cover myself but,a bunch of fake snow "Are you hurt?" "Are you alive?" I rolled my eyes. The helicopter flying above me,with a huge news camera. I just sunk into the sleigh,so embarresed,rubbing my neck,feeling deep bite marks on my neck. I looked down and picked up a 100 dollar bill. I stuck it in my pocket. T

here were used condoms at the bottom of the sleigh. I covered my face. I knew exactly what had happened,I just didn't know who with,or why my head was hurting.

**to be continued...**

**the next chapter will be what really happened last night...**


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27**

**Santa's little fuckers**

Eli's POV

"Hi,um the girl up there is my fiance,and I really don't know how she got up there." I started. I could tell the manager was really mad at me. "The day after Christmas." He shook his head at me. He motioned for me to follow him. "here's the security camera footage. You can see 3 of Santa's helpers making the naughty list." He shook his head. "I'm just thankful none of the kids saw this." I tried to hide my laughter.

"can you zoom in on that?" I asked. The man gave me a rude stare. "Do I look like a pervert to you kid! I'm just mall security!" I rolled my eyes.

"How did that go?" Drew asked. "apparentally 3 eleves went into that sleigh,one left and two sent the sleigh flying." I tried not to laugh. "You guys that's Declan Coyne!" I rolled my eyes. "We should get him to a doctor." Drew said,looking at Adam.

I waited for Clare to come down on the cherry picker. "So,some night huh?" She gave me a dirty look. "Eli What did we do last night?" "Apparentally some very classified,north pole business." I whispered.

"Hey those are my pants!" I said that a little too loudly. "The store manager isn't pressing charges,but we need to pay for his sleigh. I smirked,as we all heard what sounded like rumbling. "Oh no!" Someone yelled. The sleigh slid off the roof and fell into the parking lot. The store manager looked disgusted. "keep it" He snarked,walking away.

"Some party favor, huh?" Clare rolled her eyes,as Drew and I carried the sleigh to Morty. "So what should we do about Adam?" I raised my brows. "Get him checked out." We slid the sled into the back of Morty. Damn thing was almost as big as a casket. I rolled my eyes,not knowing if it was safe for me to drive,but I needed to know what happened.

The doctor examined Adam. "Did he hit his head or fall?" I couldn't answer that. "He uhh is repeating everything like a parrot." Drew said. "Well it could be a side affect of a concussion,but his blood work shows drug use." I sunk my eyes to the floor. "Wow! That's shocking." I pretended like I knew nothing about it,cause if i did,I couldn't _really _remember it.

"It's the date way drug." I rolled my eyes. "That explains it." I said. "That and a head injury,the effects hopefully are temporary." "Okay" We got up to leave.

"I believe it was protected,mhm yes in Santa's sleigh...but I don't know for sure,so I'll be needing the morning after pill" I pulled Clare away from the nurse. "too much eggnog." I rolled my finger around my ear,whispering "koo koo" behind Clare's back.

"keep broadcasting it,why don't ya?" We all crowded into Morty. We made it home. "Oh no!" Drew said. I quickly stopped the car. "This is obserb and disgusting!" I panicked,expecting to find the worst. "Fitz what are you doing to the poor boy?" Fitz smiled. "He's my bitch." Declan looked like he had just seen a ghost.

"Oh God!" He made a run for it. "I leave you alone,say keep an eye on him,and you spank him with a candy cane?" Fitz smirked. "You didn't have a whip in the house" I rolled my eyes,not like 'oh brother" but like "for the love of God,someone kill me now!"

"Hey man nice bites" Fitz laughed. I touched my neck finding two bite marks. "Either I was bit by a snake or a bat,or..." I looked at the pretty boy,trying to hitch a cab out of town. Then it dawned on me. "pretty boy,Clare and me in a sleigh..."

"haha looks like you had a 3 some..." I gulped. "If you mean,Clare and I had sex and he watched then I'm fine with that,but if you mean something else..." I suddenly felt dizzy,and fell into the snow.

"Eli!"

Clare's POV

"Whoa Declan wait!" I yelled. "I think I may have been touched inapropriately with a candy cane,and ..." He put his hands up. "I don't even remember how I got here. The last I remember was I was getting on a plane,but they cancelled it because of the snow."

I smiled,kind of a _grim oh my God,I think we slept together smile_. "Are you missing your pants?" He raised his eyebrows. "No,but I appear to be missing everything else!" I looked down at my finger. "Whoa" I said. "This isn't my ring." "This is a diamond,Eli gave me an aquamarine." Declan rolled his eyes. "cheap skate." I stopped when I noticed something. "Oh my God! I got married last night." Declan raised his eyebrows. "Well looks like you're having worse problems than me." He shook his head and got in the cab.

I walked back to the house. "Ally tell me you remember what happened! Please!" Ally shook her head. "a little,but only cause I'm the only one sober enough too."

"please" I begged.

"okay,so I remember we were opening presents,and then Eli's parents announced they were leaving. So they went up the stairs to say goodbye,but you and Eli were apparentally doing things to each other." I nodded. "yah I remember the ho,ho,go at it!"

"So they left,and then Fitz came back over with more cookies shaped like dicks,he called them dick sticks. Then he made a move on Eli. You hit him with something...Then Adam got in a fight. He got hurt. Fitz got mad. That's it,that's all I remember."

I covered my face. "This going to be like that movie with the tiger,where we have to retrace our steps,huh?" Ally laughed. "I'm married,and had sex in a sleigh." Ally laughed. "I wonder what Eli did..." Ally added.

"I remember something about an ice maker" Fitz smirked. "Oh yah that's right,it felt good." Eli made a disgusting look. "Are we missing anyone else here?" Eli asked. "I looked around...okay so Ally,Adam,Drew,fitz,me,Eli and Declan..."

Eli made a disgusting look. "please don't include Declan in that." He rolled his eyes,trying to hide his neck.

"buzz buzz" I looked confused. "anyone want to answer that?" "buzz buzz" I walked in the direction the buzzing was coming from. I reached in the stocking,pulling a vibrator out. "That's some stocking stuffer" Drew said,laughing.

"Well we're all alive,and that's all that matters." Adam nodded uncontrollably. "and some of us have minor brain damage."

"and apparentally tatoos on our ass" I turned around "Declan!" "I seem to be missing my cash,my wallet,my identification!" He raised his voice. "sorry about that,bro" Drew said.

"I'm going to be needing my credit card to pay for tattoo removal. "What does it say?" I asked curiously. Declan looked disgusted,and pulled his pants down mooning us.

"Property of Fitz" everyone laughed,and covered their mouths.

_**to be continued...**_

_**next chapter after I finish my christmas cookie :)**_


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter 28**

**Have a Jolly ol Time**

_"Ho,Ho,Oh"Clare was sucking Eli's dick. mmm cinnamin. He was enjoying it._

_"harder,harder" Eli said,as Clare clenched her teeth onto him. "oh,yah,Clare"_

_"Merry Christmas!" She was stopped by his parents opening the door. "Owgh well someone's having a jolly time. Please Ho,Ho,go at it." Eli gave his parents a look like,please leave us alone. They ducked down "Sorry to interrupt,just on our way to Grandma's house,you have the house all to yourself." They left,going down the stairs and everyone was giggling. "See nothing bad happened." Eli smirked._

_"Um Eli..." He spoke too soon. Clare looked down to see his dick,turning bright red. "That's not supposed to happen." He got up screaming! "Oh shit!" He ran down the stairs panicking. "Are you allergect to cinnamin?" His eyes widdened._

_"You think!" he snarked,and ran down the stairs. "Whoa" Adam said,and Drew burst out laughing. "It's like a firecracker!" Ally giggled. Eli ran over to the ice machine. The ice just wasn't coming out. So he stuck his dick in the machine,as the ice poored down._

_"ahhh" relief you could see it. "Well guess you're allergect to cinnamin." Fitz laughed. "yah looks like a stick of big red gum!" He teased. "Don't be looking at my pecker." Fitz laughed,and then checked out Eli._

_"Hey keep your eyes to your self" Clare rolled her eyes. "Why are you here anyways?" Adam gulped. "I had to let him in,or he was going to blow the house down,in the worst possible way." Adam said. "Anybody want a peppermint dick cookie?" Ally asked,holding up the plate. "surprisingly they're really good." Clare laughed._

_"Clare!" Eli called. "baby I'm stuck" Clare laughed,and then Ally and her pulled Eli out of the machine,causing it to break into pieces. "That looks like it feels good" Fitz commented,a grin pressing his lips. "ew" Clare said. "this is for emergencies only." "I'm going to fill the tub up with ice then." Clare waited for the ice to come out of the machine,and it did falling all over the ground. Clare caught most of it,before putting Eli in an ice bath._

_"Oh yah Eli,absolutely nothing could go wrong." Eli rolled his eyes. "I'll be right back." Clare left Eli for a minute to try to find him an antihystimine or something. When she came back,she found Fitz biting her fiance! "Get off him!" She yelled,pulling him by the ear. "owgh,owgh" "Yah you better owgh."_

_"We can make a deal,we can all be one happy family." Fitz suggested. Clare's eyes shot open,as she pulled Fitz down the stairs. "I must have him!"Fitz yelled running back up the stairs into the bathroom. Clare chased him going back to the bathtub. She saw a glass soap dish,and hit Fitz with it. He fell into the tub,clenching his jaw,spitting out a tooth._

_"Fuck!" Fitz exclaimed running down the stairs. "good going,tooth fairy" Eli rolled his eyes. She left Eli in the bathtub without pants on and ran down the stairs when she heard Adam and Fitz fighting._

_"Cause you're the best of both worlds!" Fitz was making an advance at Adam. "Help!" Adam yelled. "What did you put in these cookies!" Adam said,and he fell to the ground. "Oh no! Adam!" Ally looked at Clare,spitting out the cookies. "He drugged them!" Ally yelled. "He what!" suddenly everyone felt dizzy. "Real smart idiot!" Drew yelled at Fitz._

_**2 hours later**_

_"I've never felt so free!" Clare climbed on the top of the herse,and threw her panties off. "Take me now Eli!" He just looked at her, his eyes glazed over. "I will not" He wiggled his tongue like a snake. "But I will do this." "Oh yah Eli,oh yah" "Adam what are you doing!" Drew yelled. "I'm a bird,you're a bird,that's my favorite movie man." Adam put his arms out like wings,trying to reinact his favorite movie._

_He stood on the roof. "Adam that's titantic!" Drew rolled his eyes,preparing himself to catch his brother. "Adam get off the roof!" Drew yelled. "Whoops!" Adam slipped off the roof. Eli and I rolled off his car into the snow. "Is he okay?"Clare asked,biting her lip frantically,like a squirrel._

_"Does he look okay!" I laughed. "It's kind of funny" "You try falling off a roof Clare,see how fun it is." Clare smiled. "Eli and I had sex on the school roof,true story." Eli pulled her away from the house and into Morty. "Oh how sweet of Fitz to leave these lovely cookies in your car." She took a bite of one cookie,and ended up eating half the plate._

_Eli took about 2 more cookies. "Hey look!" Clare yelled. "pretty lights" "We're going to die" Eli said,sticking his tongue out of his mouth,shutting his eyes. "Careful!" Clare giggled,turning the steering wheel. "What the!" someone yelled. "This is a cross walk!" Clare stopped. "Oh look its my old buddy Declan."She smiled,waving "are you high?" He asked._

_"No I'm soaring" She shook her hair out. "Want some cookies?" She put the plate out the window,offering them to Declan. "only cause I'm starving and my flight was cancelled." "lightbulb!" Clare announced. "You should come with us,we're going to have sex on a roof." Declan looked confused. "Or you could drop me off...at Fi's." Clare smiled. "Sure where is that?" "By the mall..."she smiled again,like an idiot._

_"I feel funny." Declan picked up Clare's hand. "Whoa is there pot in these!" She shook my head,and danced at the same time._

_"want some more?"Clare asked like an annoying girl scout. "I can't remember why I got in this car" Declan licked his lips. That was soo sexy. "Eli stop!" Eli hit the breaks of the car. "Where do you want to go?" He asked. "I want to go see Santa" Clare bit my lip,pointing to a large Christmas display on top of the Mall's roof._

_"Come on Declan!" He smiled like an idiot. "Whoa you're not wearing pants."He exclaimed. "I feel soo free!" "Come on Eli!" They pulled into the empty parking lot. "What are you going to do,fly Edwards!"Eli teased. Clare smiled,noticing a large trampoline in someones back yard. "you bet" She ran half naked into the yard._

_The metal bars we're so cold. She climbed onto the trampoline and jumped as high as she could,gripping onto some lights on the top of the roof."Whoa!" That's freeing." She slid her body up,climbing onto the roof,landing in a large red display sleigh,covered in fake snow and christmas lights."Come up here Eli!" Clare yelled._

_"I want to try that!" Declan yelled. He raced for the trampoline._

_"Eli!" Eli rolled his eyes. "Damn there stuck like that" He said. Clare covered her face laughing. "Come on!" Eli caught hold of a large polar bear display and climbed ontop of it,throwing his arms up like a child at the circus. "Stop playing!" He turned around and held onto the gutters,jumping over them and landing in the sleigh. "Wow" Eli said,looking down. He probably shouldn't of done that._

_"Oh fuck flicker and fuckinstine!" He fell back into the sleigh,outcold. There was a loud noise. Declan was scaling the roof. "I feel so alive" He said. "me too!" Clare had no idea what she was doing. "Hey Rudolph" she giggled. "Whats with the bite marks?" Declan laughed. "I love vampires." Declan's eyes glazed over,as he climbed into the sleigh and bite into Clare's neck. "Oh that feels so good." "My turn" She grabbed onto his neck,biting extremely hard. "owgh" He liked it though._

_"This is really easy access." Declan commented,causing Clare to laugh,twirling her ring around her finger. "My fiance seems to be outcold." "You look really cold,let me warm you up" She wasn't sure which one of them said that. She was pretty out of it. One of the guys grabbed hold of Clare,fucking her in the sleigh. Clare moaned as christmas music played. "oh Eli" She thought,falling to the bottom of the sleigh. The boy fell off the roof,Clare covered her mouth. "oh crap!" She said,watching the figure fall into someones arms._

_Fitz caught the boy. "It's like this beautiful boy just dropped from the sky into my arms." He smiled. "Merry Christmas to me." He looked at the unsuspecting boy,as he opened his eyes. "I'll take care of you" He said,before throwing him into the backseat of his car. "help me!" Declan yelled,pounding on the door of the herse. "Someone help me!"_

_Meanwhile Eli was on the roof,fucking a display reindeer,thinking it was Clare. "Oh Clare the way you light up" The reindeer played christmas music every time Eli thrust. "jingle bells" "Oh yah,Clare" Eli moaned. The lights shorted out,causing an electric current to run through Eli. "Fuck!" He screamed. "That was amazing Clare" He smiled,climbing down the roof to his car. He stopped when he realized it was gone._

_"Taxi!" Eli yelled. There were no cars on the road at all. Eli of course didn't notice,he got in his imaginary car and drove home,like Fred Flinstone would running with his feet. "Vroom Vroom" Eli said,as he drove his imaginary herse back home,leaving Clare alone on the roof in a christmas sleigh._

_Eli made the final turn,stepping on the ground in his combat boots,as if he was hitting a break." He got out of his imaginary car and threw the keys in his pocket,half asleep. He went into the house,ad fell asleep on his bed._

_Ally looked out the window,noticing that Eli's car was gone and there were panties in the snow. "Oh no Drew those could be ours." She looked down at her nude self. "Who's going to run in the snow and get them?" Ally didn't ask again. She ran out in the snow,picking up her panties. "That would of been embarrising." She said. "Do you want to do it again,Frosty?" Ally laughed as her and Drew went at it in the snow._

_It's was about 2 am now. Declan found himself at a wedding chapel,infront of a jewelry counter. "This one" Fitz said,twirling the diamond around his finger. "What the!" The lights swirled around him. "And do you take Mark Fitzgerald to be your lawfully wedded husband?" Declan yawned. _

_"he does!" Fitz smiled. "What just happened?" Declan asked. His thoughts were stopped by a mariottchi band playing the wedding march. Declan fell asleep. "Time for the honey moon." Fitz picked him up over his shoulder. Declan apparentally noticed this,as he freaked out,hitting Fitz in the back. "You like it ruff,huh?" Fitz pulled Declan into Eli's stolen herse,and drove to a tattoo parlor._

_"Right here,property of Fitz. He's all mine." Declan gulped,as a harsh pressurious needle came down on his butt. "Mother fucker!" Declan yelled._

_Meanwhile Clare was asleep in a sleigh. "Hello! Are you allright up there?" Someone yelled. Clare blinked her eyes open. "Stay there! I'm going to get a ladder." The boy scaled the ladder,looking at the helpless girl in a sleigh. "Clare!" The boy exclaimed. "Eli?" Clare blinked again. "What are you doing on the roof? trying to play Santa?" Clare recognized that voice. It was KC!_

_"What are you doing up on Christmas?" KC laughed. "I couldn't sleep,so I went for a walk,incase you haven't noticed there is no one out,on Christmas." Clare smiled,and fell back into the sleigh. "Are you high?" Clare shook her head. "Whoa" KC looked at the ring on her finger. "You're married." A devious smirk approached his lips,as he slipped the ring off Clare. "Haha can't wait for you're hangover." He laughed,climbing back down the ladder._

_**Present day**_

Clare's POV

"It's not funny!" Declan pulled his pants up. "What do you remember?" Declan reached in his pocket. "getting a hockey puck in my mouth?" He bent down to pick up a tooth. "but I have all my teeth" He closed his eyes,like he was trying to dissapear.

"it's mine" Fitz said wiggling his tongue in his mouth. "Oh Dear God!" Declan panicked. "Will I be needing a rape kit?"

"Anyone else have any surprises?" Drew asked. Ally stood up. "I'm wearing Clare's panties." Clare looked at Ally like _ew_. "I'm wearing Eli's panties,boxers" Clare corrected herself. "I'm not wearing any underwear!" Fitz said proudly.

"**Ring Ring**" "Hello" I picked up the phone. "Mrs Coyne I'm calling about your hotel room,yes it was trashed and there are about 14 stray animals running around,goats,sheep..."

I gulped. "Mrs Coyne?" Eli looked like he was going to attack someone. I looked at Declan and smiled,a sort of. "_oh my God we're married,must get it anoled type of smile._

"I'm going to kill you!" Eli jumped onto the couch. "Easy man!" Then a fight broke out.

"Calm down!" I yelled over everyone. "Declan and I will just go and get it enoled,and it won't even be legalized,because we're only 16 and 18." "This diamond is yours" I took the ring off placing it in Declan's palm,closing his hand.

Declan,Eli and I drove down to the wedding chapel,explaining it was a mistake,and the man said... "Nope sorry Mrs Coyne was a guy." I gulped. "Can you describe this gentlemen?" Declan asked. "yup he was tall,bulky and mean. He was very aggresive too." Declan's face fell into his hands.  
"Somebody kill me" He muttered.

_**to be continued...**_

_**Wow what a whopper of a chapter :)**_


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29 **

**Ho,Ho,Ho and a bottle of uh oh**

_"Get away from me!" Declan yelled batting Fitz away with a mop. "please oh God please go away" Declan begged,attempting to scale a wall. "Hubby likes to play games,hum." Declan swollowed hard. "I have a weapon and I'm not afraid to use it." Fitz laughed. _

_"I have one of those too,we have so much in common" Fitz giggled stripping his pants off. "Oh God!" Declan's eyes shot open,as he ran down the hall into the elevator._

_"Please somebody help me!" He yelled,pressing the ground floor button frantically. "An officer" Declan breathed. "I've been kidnapped." Declan said. "let's get out of here." The officer laughed,as some horrid pop music came out of a boombox he was holding. _

_"You're under arrest for being way too sexy" A male stripper,really. Declan panicked,as the stripper pushed him back into the room. "wedding entertainment" Declan screamed out in terror._

_"oh yah I like that" Fitz then danced with a pair of handcuffs._

_Meanwhile Clare was on top of a roof singing random christmas carols. "We wish you a merry sex mess and a happy nude year." She laughed,looking down to realize her engagment ring was gone. She thought a minute. "maybe it's in the sleigh..."_  
_She fell to the bottom of the sleigh,looking for it._

_Declan was screaming,trying to find someone to help him,but it seemed helpless. He had missed his flight,and made the biggest mistake of his life getting in a car with two crack heads._

_Declan could barely see straight. He saw a window and a fire escape and that was just it. He opened the window. "Where are you going?" Fitz asked. "just need some fresh air" He said,jumping out the window,onto the fire escape. "kitty likes to scratch" Fitz followed. Declan scaled the fire escape,and made it to the parking lot. He saw the herse. He had no idea how to drive it. He thought a minute,run being the only word going through his head,_

_and he did,for his life._

_He caught his breath,making it to the mall parking lot,seeing the two streets in front of him. He heard Fitz running after him. "Wow you sure can run." Declan saw the roof,and without thinking jumped up to climb the gutters._

_"Clare!" Declan called. "Help me,oh Help me God!" Clare stopped a minute. Her eyes shooting lots of different colors. "Oh hey Declan" Clare smiled."It's a beautiful firework display tonight." "pull me up!" Declan interrupted her high. "oh" Clare grabbed hold of Declan,pulling him onto the roof._

_"I got married,I've lost my sanity." Declan mumbled sitting in the sleigh. "What are you doing up there,angel?" Fitz called. "why can't I just die?" Clare smiled,and kissed him. "sorry you were talking and it was echoing through my head. "look,clare I'd love to have a real sentimental moment here,but I don't really know what the helk I'm on,so please just take this ring,and I'm going to leave the country." Clare smiled again,chewing her lips like bubble gum._

_"okay" Clare smiled. "Declan saw a dumpster beneath him. "Here's to hoping I don't die like this." he said,and dove into the dumpster._

_Clare fell asleep in the sleigh,as Fitz carried Declan into the herse. "You could of been hurt,angel." Fitz drove past a petting zoo. Declan was fully awake and looking out his window. "It bothers me,that they have those animals trapped like that." Fitz looked down. "if it bothers you then it bothers me too." Declan shut his mouth,as Fitz turned the car into the petting zoo. "no it's a figure of speech" Declan tried to reason. Fitz jumped infront of the gates,shooting the lock off the metal fences. "Go free,you're free now!" Declan slid under the seat of the car,trying to make a run for it._

_"Hey I free a bunch of distressed animals for you,and you run away!" Fitz wasn't having any of that. "Please understand I like woman,I just broke up with my girlfriend. The room is spinning." Declan fell asleep in the herse,as Fitz carried the stray animals one by one into the car. "I'll be right back sweetheart" He kissed Declan on the forehead,taking the room key out of his pocket. "This looks suspicious" Fitz thought,going past security and randomly shoving the animals in the elevator. The elevator went up about 14 times. He took the elevator one last time,before going into the room with all the animals._

_"baaaahhh!" "one" Fitz counted "oink oink" "two" Fitz kept counting. The llama ran into the hotel room. "Hey Harold man." Harold was smoking something. "You want to share?" Harold refused,so Fitz picked him up carrying him over his shoulder,and shoved him into the trunk of Eli's car. "help me"_

_The room was spinning. "I just want to sleep" Declan said. "okay" Fitz drove back to Eli's house. Fitz carried Declan into Eli's house and into Eli's double bed,where Eli was sleeping. He then passed out on the floor. Ally walked in shortly after and passed out ontop of Fitz._

_Drew walked into the house trying to get some ice for his drink,when he remembered what Eli did to it. He got grossed out and fell on the floor,crashing in the empty refrigerator door._

_Adam walked in sortly after,looking in the refrigerator for something to drink,he unknowingly took a huge gulp from the pitcher of punch. The one that Fitz drugged._

_He made his way up the stairs,falling down next to Fitz on the floor._

**Present day**

Eli's POV

"It's not that bad..." Clare tried to reasure Declan,inside I was laughing,but outside was acting like it's a terrible thing. I didn't like this guy,or Fitz. Fitz was happy he'd leave everyone alone,and Declan wouldn't be screaming my fiances name.

"yah man it happens to the best of us" I said seriously,trying not to break out in laughter.

"I'm calling a divorce lawyer,and now I have to explain to my Mother that I'm not gay,that I apparentally had a little too much crack." Clare covered her mouth. "yah that explains me waking up in a sled." I laughed.

"I just don't know which one of you I had sex with." I smirked.  
"It was me,because it was mind blowing." "I don't even remember being on a roof,but for some reason I smell like garbage." Declan covered his nose. "I need a shower,and a quick trip to the hospital."

"one hell of a night" I said,grabbing Clare's hand. "ready to watch that security footage?" I nodded,even though I was thinking. I sure hope I didn't have sex with Declan last night.

We made the final turn,and stopped Morty. "What the fuck?" I said,stopping the car. "cookie crumbs and condoms in my car? and apparentally...  
"baaaahhh" "Go on little sheep run free..." How could I have missed that?

I noticeda pair of shiny metal handcuffs... I stopped the car,when I heard knocking coming from the trunk. "Do you want to get that,or should I?" I paced quickly to the trunk,sticking the key in and popping it open. "oh shit!" I exclaimed.

"Who the hell are you?" The guy asked. "I'm Eli and this is Clare.." " and we're underage so you can't kill us." Clare added. I gave Clare a look like idiot.

"I'm Horny Harold and I'm a private dancer" I looked down. "That explains the black leather getup,you a friend of Fitz?" I asked. "He stuck me in the trunk,hardly consider him a friend." I raised my eyebrows.

"If you need to press charges,his name is Mark Fitzgerald, yah that's M.a.r.k..." The guy didn't look like that was helpful. "Get me out of here fool!" I looked at Clare.

"Do you want to fish the half naked stripper out the trunk?" Clare looked at me. "We can't just leave him here!" Clare rolled her eyes. "Right...hey harold,can you get a cab home then?" Clare looked at me. "Fine" I said,putting my hands up in defeat. I folded the back seat down.

"Come on buddy crawl out." I motioned from him to get out. He crawled out of herse and stood up. "I'm dizzy man.." Then he barfed on me. "This is what I get for helping someone."

"Hey buddy how would you feel if I barfed on you?" I raised my voice. "It was nice meeting you harold." Clare rolled her eyes. "We need to take a shower,and watch that tape." Clare said.

I gave Harold a look and went towards the house. "Hose me off first" "It's nearly snowing out." I stripped my clothes off.

"What are you trying to do,turn your pecker into a popscile?" Clare asked. "Cute" I lifted my brows.

I went into the house,surprisingly there was a huge line for my shower. "Hello! this is my house,my shower,you need to go use the yard!" I pulled fitz out of the bathroom. "Man I lost my tooth down the drain." I laughed. "haha big mouth" I pulled everyone out of my bathroom,and I proceeded to shower.

Clare's POV

"Whoa Adam!" Drew yelled. "You okay man?" "I need to barf" Adam ran for the bathroom,pushing Eli out of the way. He fell to the floor naked,wiggling around,like a helpless fish. "What the hell there's hair conditioner on my floor!" Fitz smirked. "uhh not exactly" He laughed. "oh fuck!" Eli exclaimed,crawling into the tub. "Adam the next time Fitz shows up at the door like the wicked witch with a plate of cookies,don't let him in!" Eli covered his face.

"Hey Man can I use your deoderent?" Drew asked. He ran into the bathroom. "Whoa Drew watch out for the..." He slipped on the bathroom floor,like a foot on a banana peel...the wrong kind of banana peel,wow that's a bad pun...

"Someone get the swifter!" Eli yelled,as Drew held his head. "owgh" He moaned,trying to get up from the floor.

About 45 minutes later,Eli got out of shower and ran down the stairs were we all put the survalience footage into the DVD player. "Well here's half of our night on crack mess." Eli said,hitting the remote. Everyones eyes shot open,as they watched half naked Clare,_me_ climbing the roof of the Happy Mart.

"_Whoa you're not wearing pants." Declan yelled. "I feel soo free!" "Come on Eli!" I watched how we pulled into the empty parking lot._

_"What are you going to do,fly Edwards!"Eli teased. Clare smiled,noticing a large trampoline in someones back yard. "you bet" Then I ran half naked into the yard._

I apparently can jump really high..."Whoa!" That's freeing."So that's how I got up there."_Come up here Eli!" _

_"I want to try that!" Declan yelled. He raced for the trampoline._

_"Eli!"_ Eli rolled his eyes. "Damn there stuck like that" He said._ "Come on!" _Eli caught hold of a large polar bear display and climbed on top of it,throwing his arms up like a child at the circus. "Stop playing!" He turned around and held onto the gutters,jumping over them and landing in the sleigh. "Wow" Eli said.

_"Oh fuck flicker and fuckinstine!" He fell back into the sleigh,outcold. There was a loud noise. Declan was scaling the roof. "I feel so alive" He said. "me too!" "Hey Rudolph" "Whats with the bite marks?" Declan laughed. "I love vampires." Declan's eyes glazed over,as he climbed into the sleigh and bite into my neck. "Oh that feels so good." "My turn" She grabbed onto his neck,biting extremely hard. "owgh"_

"uhhh" I started. "Eli I swear I wasn't in my right mind."

_"This is really easy access." Declan commented"My fiance seems to be outcold." "You look really cold,let me warm you up"_

"Oh no! okay enough of that..." I tried to cover up the tv.

"_oh Eli" The boy fell off the roof! "oh crap!" _

"Haha the idiot fell off the roof" Eli laughed. "That's what you get for making a comment like that."

Fitz caught the boy. "It's like this beautiful boy just dropped from the sky into my arms." He smiled. "Merry Christmas to me." He looked at the unsuspecting boy,as he opened his eyes. "I'll take care of you" He said,before throwing him into the backseat of his car.

"Well there's proof that Fitz kidnapped Declan." I rolled my eyes.

I covered my mouth!"

The video cut to Eli on the roof,fucking a plastic display reindeer. "_Oh Clare the way you light up" The reindeer played christmas music every time Eli thrust. "jingle bells" "Oh yah,Clare" Eli moaned. The lights shorted out,and eventually went out. "Fuck!" He screamed. "That was amazing Clare" He smiled,climbing down the roof to his car. He stopped when he realized it was gone. "Where's my fucking car!"_

_"Oh wait there it is" He made a motar sound with his mouth and picked his foot up as he started walking home._

"uhh well..." Clare said. "I guess no one had sex then..." Eli grabbed the remote rewinding the video

"Clare...if I'm over here having sex with Rudolph,then why are you screaming out in pleasure?" Eli fast forwarded to the kid falling off the roof.

"Faster...oh yah..."

Eli realized something. "I'm going to kill him!" Eli jumped up. "I think it's obvious Cracked out Clare thought it was you." Eli was serious.

"You fucked your ex,and I got a stupid reindeer!"

"If it helps you really blew its mind,and it's lights out..." Ally kid. "This isn't funny,I could get a disease or something..."

"Eli in the least,probably a burnt cock." Drew laughed. "You said cock." He was soo childish.

"So what do we do now?" Eli rolled his eyes. "Forgive me for cheating on either dasher,dancer,prancer or vixen...hopefully it was a girl reindeer."  
"Don't kill Declan,he's allready married to Fitz." I giggled.

"and not you?" We looked down at the diamond on my finger. "Then who's ring is that,and where is yours?" I scratched my head. "fast forward" Clare stopped,and paused the tape.

"Is that KC Guthrie?" I could feel my heart drop,and a bad episode of Maury play through my head.

"oh shizzled shit!" Eli just looked at me.

_**to be continued...**_

**another whopper of a chapter :)**  
**This is to CELEBRATE 100 reviews!**

**everybody dance**

**"everybody in the club getting tipsy...erry body in the club getting tipsy."**


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30 **

**Baby New Years Idiot**

Clare's POV

"Hey Eli, Drew and I were driving past the happy mart,and your little plastic reindeer friend had a little emo baby,Did you forget to use a plastic condom?" Adam teased,laughing at Eli. "I really wish I had a good comeback." "karma" I warned. Eli muttered,sipping his coffee. "it's been a week,since it was in the papers in the news,all over the internet." I mustered up enough courage to come down the stairs.

"I still love you." Eli smirked. _Thanks,but if I'm pregnant with someone elses crack kid,you might not love me anymore_.I rolled my eyes,before grabbing my purse. "It's new years eve tonight,what should we get?" Ally rolled her eyes,walking in the front door. "The simple shrimp and cocktail sauce,without alcohol." She specified.  
Adam stood up. "yah and bro,don't let Fitz anywhere near this house." Adam rubbed Eli's shoulder.

"Right just what we need his celebration ball cookies." Ally covered her mouth laughing.

"So where are you going?" Ally stopped me. "Trying to make it as unovbioust as possible,that I might be...pregnant." That's a hard sentence to get out. "yah and I don't know who I willingly rode in that sleigh." Ally sighed. "I still don't know where the diamond came from..." I looked down at my finger. "I'm only wearing it,until I find the other one." Ally rolled her eyes. "So forever then,cause that ring is long gone..."

I looped my bag onto my shoulder. "Anyone need anything from the store?" I asked. "nope,we're good." Eli said,sipping his coffee. "I better go with you,incase you make a wrong turn at a trampoline...and spring onto a roof." Ally said, Adam laughed. "Glad to see you're feeling better." I said.

"Okay Eli I'm off to go New Years shopping...for shrimp,yah shrimp and shrimp,dead shrimp,not like alive shrimp,actually dead shrimp are better,yup,dead shrimp it is." I jumbled my words. "Allright" Eli yelled back and I snuck out the door with Ally.

Eli's POV

"Well that's suspicious." I dropped my paper,took one last sip of my coffee. "I got a follow her now" I muttered,grabbing my leather jacket and my car keys."Watch everything and don't let Fitz in the house!" I ordered,looking at Adam and Drew,who were making New Years platters.

I got in the car. I slowed down,every time Clare and Ally made a turn,I didn't want it to look creepy,and luckily no one noticed I was following them. Clare stopped,and turned into the happy mart. "Here's to hoping,no one recognizes me,as the pantless sleigh rider." she said,covering her face with a scarf.

I stopped the car to park,letting the two go into the store. "Last time I checked,you can't get shrimp there." I raised my eyebrows in suspicion,and turned into a parking place.

Clare's POV

"The morning after pill,guarenteed to work." I closed my eyes,wishing to be anywhere but here. I fondled the box in my hand. "This better work." The thought of carrying someone elses child,scared the living daylights out of me. "Whoa" Ally said,looking across at isle 7. "Eli,at 4 oclock" I ducked behind a rack of tampons.

"He's going to see me,he's going to know." I panicked. "I'll distract him, you go hide." I saw a lonley pharmacist coat on a hook in the back. I quickly climbed in there,hiding behind the coat. "You're late for your shift" I thought quickly. "Come on we don't have all day,you have flu shots to give..."

I freaked out. "you know I really don't like needles." The man rolled his eyes at me. "Put on your uniform." He scolded. I slipped the lab coat on. "Okay" I said. I stared at the long line of people,and decided to make a run for it. I ran out of the pharmacy right into Eli's arms. He raised his eyebrows. "Going ,somewhere Wendy?" He laughed at the name tag. _No just trying to avoid you_. I thought.

"Eli,I kind of accidentally ended up impersonating a pharmist,and I hate needles." Eli laughed. "Then we have to get you fired,Wendy" He snickered,pulling me into the back of the pharmacy.

"besides loves the best medicane there is,besides I love kinky roll playing games" He laughed,pushing the flu shots onto the floor. "There are people here" He didn't seem to care. He swiped a box of condoms off the hook infront of him.

"If you're going to get fired,you need all the help you can get" He laughed,kicking the door shut with his foot. "What is someone needs a perscription?" Eli rolled his eyes. "They can come back later." He held me tightly.

"I love you so much Clare." I smiled,and whispered it back. "I love you too." We broke into a kissing frenzy. Eli stopped,pushing me onto the table,crawling on top of me. My arms layed out,shaking the sleeves of the labcoat off,using it like a blanket,pulling it underneath us.

"This is an upgrade from a sleigh" He smirked,kissing my neck,causing my heart to flutter. He stopped stareing into my eyes,a seductive hungry stare,before taking a bite into my neck. "Eli" I cried out,feeling droplets of blood run down my neck. "Okay I don't know how you find that hot,I'd sooner bite a hamburger"

I giggled,as he moved his hands down to the waist of my jeans,reaching his hands in,unbuttoning my pants with his teeth. I was sweating as the fan above us went around and around. Eli quickened the pace,pulling my jeans down to my ankles. "Eli" I moaned,my head falling back. Everything within me buring. "You're teasing me arent you?" Eli smirked. "Guilty" planting a small chaste kiss on my lips.

"What do you want Clare?" he was enjoying this,making me crazy. "I want you to kiss me like you've never kissed me before." He was taken back by the request. "done" He said,sliding his hands up my sides,crushing my body with his. He blinked,looked into my eyes,and grabbed my lips with his,like a hungry snake. His tongue begging for entrance,my whole body feeling like a pressure cooker,my body burning,pulpitating.

"Stop teasing me" my breath quickened,a moan escaping my lips. He laughed,unbuckeling his pants,putting on the condom,and slowly sliding into me. He jerked forward,moving in and out of me,like a kuku clock. "Eli" "Oh Eli" I had got so lost,that I completely forgot I was in the back of the pharmacy. "Oh Clare" Eli growled. "faster" This was bliss. "mmm Clare" He widdled around,striking like a clock. "Eeee li" That was it. We pulled a part,rolling off each other. "owgh" I stopped. "What do you mean owgh?" He reached behind him,pulling an empty flu shot out of his butt cheek.

"Well that's a mood killer." He crawled off me,pulling his pants up. "Clare,my butt is numb. I can not feel my butt." I covered my mouth,pulling my clothes on,people knocking on the door. "Wendy you open this door right now!" I did as they asked,unlocking the door,standing my face flushed,my fiance walking funny. "Wendy what happened in here!" I handed the man my labcoat. "I know I'm fired." The man rolled his eyes,as I dragged Eli out of there.

"next time we think of a wierd place to have sex,lets try a closet or somewhere were there aren't sharp objects." Eli smirked,holding his ass. I grabbed a pamplet. "What to expect after your flu shot"

Adam's POV

I was back at Eli's making rice krispie squares,well balls. "Okay Drew give me a hand with this." I directed. "Okay just pick up the mixture and roll it into a ball and set it on the cookie sheet." Seemed easy enough. I thought. Drew picked up a bunch of rice krispie batter and rolled it into a ball. "Okay" Drew said. "Okay now put it on the cookie sheet" I repeated.

He tried to pull it off him,and onto the cookie sheet. "uhh man I'm stuck" I laughed,trying to pull it off him. "Well I'm stuck too now." We looked at each other _like idiot_. I kicked the box towards me with my feet. "oops" I said. "What?" Drew looked shocked. "We should of buttered our hands before forming the shapes." Drew rolled his eyes. "Now what?"

"What's up home boys!" Fitz walked into Eli's house. "Where the hell did you find a key!" I asked. "It's under the door mat,you know that's really not safe." Fitz laughed,rolling his diamond around his finger. "Apparentally I got married last night" He laughed,looking at the rice krispie madness. "haha you idiots!" He snickered. "Go get a stick of butter" Fitz shook his head. "Nope I think I'd sooner sit here and watch you two try to get unstuck."

"Damn" I thought. We walked over to the refrigerator. "okay you kick the butter and well get to floor and roll around in it." Fitz laughed. "You two kill me! This is better than AFV"

Declan's POV

After spending a few hours explaining to my family,that I wasn't gay,but kidnapped against my will and forced to marry the jolly green giant...most awkward morning ever. I finally got the enolment papers,only problem was Fitz would have to sign them.

"Oh God!" I muttered,approaching the house I hated. "Hey look it's Declan,he can save us!" I rolled my eyes,stepping into the house. Drew and Adam were stuck to a large ball of cereal and marshmello paste. "Wow" I said,looking at Fitz sitting, laughing. "I'm here on business,you Sasquatch sign this!" I ordered. "marriage anolement papers?" He asked,eating some wierd toaster pastry. "So I'm married to you..." He thought a minute. "jack pot!" I stood up quickly. "No,not jack pot!" I retorted,preparing myself to run for my life.

"Well I won't sign then,I enjoy being Mrs. Ca Coon." I rolled my eyes. "It's Coyne,and I'm not going to be married to you. I like women!" I shouted.

"Can you just please get the butter out of the fridge?" I rolled my eyes,walking to the refrigerator. "Well so do I" Fitz said. "but I also like guys and you're a really hot guy." I wished that I would get struck by lightning. "Sign them!" I ordered,throwing the stick of butter at Adam and Drew. " Will not"

"How much money will it take for you to sign these?" Fitz laughed. "I don't want your money,I want our honey moon,I got jipped." I covered my face.

"Fine I'll fly you to paris for a week,and you can stay there without me." He smiled. "you're missing the point of a honey moon,sweetheart."

"somebody help me!" I yelled. "Stick a fork in you,you're done." I hated that expression. "Can you just get us apart?" I picked up a large steak knife,I was so mad. I stood inbetween snap,crackle and pop,slicing the marshmellow ball in half. "There" I said,taking the paper from Fitz. "I'll just have to forge your signiture,shouldn't be too hard,you have large hands,so you probably write really sloppy." I laughed.

"all the better to feel you up with." _Oh ee gods._ "Somebody help me!" I yelled,again...running back to my car.

Eli's POV

"How exactly did he get a flu shot there?" I raised my eyebrows. "you have some very perverted staff working here" I covered,my voice pure outrage. "Well he recieved a steroid,I don't know how that's possible..." The doctor walked off with her clipboard.

"A steroid..." I thought. "As in buns of steel" Ally laughed. "Ally did I ask you?" Clare questioned. "Sorry it's just you were having sex in a pharmacy on a table full of identified serenges,I'm surprised you didn't get monkey DNA,cause you were monkeying around." I covered my face to hide my embarressement. "So know what?" I asked,holding my ass. "Look at the bright side,lots of guys want a firm ass,and you got one." I raised my voice.

"ALLY! Please just go make friends with a vending machine." "You're reer will be sore for a few days...we just have to hope the effects wear down,you may be swollen for a few days." I gulped. "like a..." "Blimp" The doctor said,handing me discharge papers. "oh and there's a good chance it will spread to the other side..." I gulped. "like a..." "blowfish" The doctor smiled,and walked off.

"Well looks like we won't be needing the new years ball,we have Eli's butt!" "Ally!" Clare yelled. "This isn't funny." "See you around beach ball butt"

_**to be continued...**_


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter 31 **

**Happy Ooh Year**

Clare's POV

"baby it's really not that bad" I tried to argue with the huge butt cheeks that didn't fit in his skiny jeans. "Clare I look like a balooga whale!" I covered my mouth laughing. "The swelling will go down...eventually" I stopped slapping his hard ass. "I didn't even feel that." "If I wasn't Captain Buff Butt i'd be very turned on by that little spanking." I tried not to laugh,as I coaxed him down the stairs.

"Whoa!" Declan said,running quickly to the couch. "Excuse me,but what makes you think you and Fitzy boy can honey moon at my house?" Eli's tone rose. "Sorry Balloon Butt" Declan laughed.

"But in order to get rid of that infestation problem over there,I have to fly him to Paris." I covered my mouth again,seems like I'm doing a lot of that lately.

"Hey Husband care to join me in a song?"Fitz asked. Declan looked away. "First of all,I'm not your husband,second of all I don't sing." Eli smirked,raising his eyebrows.

_"I like big butts and I can not lie,you other guys cant deny,when a guy walks in with an itty bitty waist..."_ Fitz started singing_.._ I looked at Fitz. "Can it!" Fitz laughed. "haha looks like Eli allready did." Fitz went out the door. "You coming husband,we have a flight to catch. Actually don't come until we're off the plane" Declan covered his face. "I'm not a very religious person Clare,so let me put it this way,pray for me!" Declan said despirately. He went out the door in a panic.

"Oh Eli look what I got..." I tried to push Eli out of the way. "Yah real funny,Ally a DVD of butt busting areobics." He rolled his eyes. "You're just jealous,cause I can bounce a quarter off mine and you can't" He took his finger to mouth,and then to his butt. "shizzzz"

"Eli! That's not very nice. And you were the one who wanted to have sex on a flu shot table" I huffed in his ear. "I don't get why you were trying to avoid me,what was soo bad Clare,are you sick?" I shook my head,remembering why I went to the pharamacy in the first place.

"No...I got a go." He caught my arm. "It's new years eve the traffic is going to be brutal,let me drive you." I shook my head. "you take up two passanger seats and a drivers seat." I grabbed my coat,motioning to Ally.

"So do you think he knows?" I nudged her,trying to keep her quiet. "No,I just might be out of time..." Ally held me close. "It's going to be okay,Clare" I shook my head. "It could be KC's or Declan's or sombody who just happened to climb up on the roof,attempting suicide." I covered my face,as the tears started rolling.

"Look at the bright side,you had sex with condoms." I remembered what I woke up to in the sleigh. "right,so I was safe,so why worry right?" Ally rubbed my back,as Eli walked out the door. "What are we worrying about?"

"How we're going to find you a speedo big enough for your butt." I gave Ally a warning stare. We stopped mid sentence when Declan came running towards us frantically.

"You guys you got to help me!" "You and the twins and you and you and you!" He pulled Adam out of the house half asleep. "You're going to come with us to Paris." I gasped. "I can't really go to Paris right now." "Please I'm begging you,I'm scared he's going to rape me." Eli rolled his eyes. "We're flying first class." Eli nogotiated.

"Eli we have school in a few days..." He rolled his eyes. "So we leave them a note." I rolled my eyes this time. "I better pack" Ally said,not really careing about what her Dad's reaction would be.

"How will you explain your butt?" Adam asked. "What's wrong is it too bootylicious for ya?"

Eli's POV

"We're seriously just going to drop everything and fly to paris!" I grabbed my suitcase,throwing random items in it. "yup" I said sure of myself. "Can you wrap these large ear muffs around my butt? I don't want my cheeks getting cold." I smirked. Clare didn't find it humerous. Her look really serious. "I just..." She stopped. "forget it" and went down the stairs.

"So Paris,you want to practice your french on me that you're going to use to try to get Clare into a majestic bed?"Adam asked. I smirked. "I don't think my butt would fit,There goes all romantic hopes right there." I scooped up more odds and ends into my suitcase. "You packed?" I looked at Clare's suitcase,empty.

"Eli as much as I want to see Paris,now is not the time." Clare looked down at her stomach. "I'm...pre.. hungry. I'm hungry,so I'm going to go eat...the whole kitchen" She mumbled,going down the stairs.

"find out what's up with her." I stared at Adam. "Allright..." "But man I'm going to Paris!" He jumped up,running, so excited to pack.

Clare's POV

"Eli wants to know what's up with you." Adam took a bite of an ordurb. "Well I don't know Adam...it's new years eve,and the ball is going to drop,and apprentally so is my blood pressure." I nawed on a piece of celery stick,trying to change the subject.

"Whoa,Whoa" Adam said. "Your hands are clamy,your eyes are dialted,you're breaking out,you're moody,you're bloated...you're just pmsing." I sighed some relief. "I really hope I get it." Adam stopped. "and why wouldn't you?" I gulped...

_I went off on crack, had sex on a roof,woke up in a sleigh,woke up with a diamond on my finger, went to get the morning after pill,ended up running into Eli ,forgot to take it,am out of time,had sex in the pharmacy,Eli got a shot in his butt and woke up with a ginormous rump,and then I woke up possibly pregnant and everyone leaving the country."_

Adam looked shocked. "Go" He said,looking at me serious then ever. "What?" I asked,trying to hear that correctly. "Go to Paris,stay there a while you need it" I gulped. "Okay" I went up the stairs to pack.

"Did you talk to Clare? "I heard Eli mutter to Adam. "yah it's just pms and a fear of flying,you did nothing wrong." Adam picked up a pin. "Wonder if we could pop..." I stopped him. "bad idea." I pulled the pin away from the boys. "Gosh It's not a balloon animal" Eli rolled his eyes. "Just talk about my bootie like it's not here."

Declan's POV

"You don't touch me,you don't kiss me,you don't even look at me." I scanned the documents trying to find some loophole. "If indecent decression is present,or the spouse cheats on the other...in a sexual way" I wiggled my eyebrows. "Can't believe I didn't think of that..." I smiled to myself. "So all I've got to do is have sex with a female,shouldn't be too hard." I said to myself,as I scanned my private jet.

"Clare,Eli,Adam,Drew,Fitz ew,Ally..." "Ally"I smiled to myself. "that will work."

Clare's POV

I sat down on the plane next to Eli. "Hey looks like your swelling is going down..." I smiled,resting my head on his shoulder. "Just think we're going to where this all started." I blinked. "What do you mean?"

Clare Edwards, I' m allant basculer votre monde sous les toiles Paris avec un bon nombre de baisers et de douceur, la cr me fouett e et arrose, un peu comme avoir un parfait

_Clare Edwards,I'm going to rock your world under the stars of paris. There's going to be whipped cream and sprinkles and lots of chocolate sauce._

"A sundae :) That sounds really good right now." Clare said,looking around for some food. "_Eat up,get your strength you're going to need it."_

Mangez vers le haut, obtenez votre force you' ; aller re avoir besoin d'it." ;

"You back to that dirty french?" Clare asked,pulling on her seatbelt.  
It' ; s environ pour obtenir un sort entier plus sale, si mon fichu bout peut gonfler comme un jouet de piscine.

_It's about to get a whole lot dirtier,if my damn butt can inflate like a pool toy._

"I actually like it." I smiled,inching closer to him. I have no idea why I'm so horny all of a sudden. "Take it to the lavatory!" Fitz yelled. I pulled Eli off the chair. "It's not really safe to be in there when the plane takes off." Fitz snickered. "oh well." I closed the door of the lavatory as Fitz calls it...then Eli and I fell into a kissing frenzy.

Declan's POV

"So Ally I'd love to show you around Paris..." by Paris I mean my pants. "Sure,Declan sounds like fun." _cha ching_." "Hang on everyone it's going to be a bumpy ride!" I shouted,moving up to the pilots seat.

"You're going to fly us all the way to Paris?" Fitz asked,gasping for air. "I do have a pilots lisence,but I'd sooner let my buddy Gabe,take care of that." I laughed,taking my seat. "You should of seen the looks on your faces."

The plane was heating up and getting ready to take off. "We don't have passports!" someone shouted. I snickered. "Don't even worry about it,Fiona and I fly out every weekend."

Eli's POV

"This is one shocking orgasm." I picked Clare up,setting her on the sink. "This is really dangerous Eli." Clare said. "" I stopped as the engine got louder and louder. "grab onto something!" I shouted. "Oh fuck!" I yelled. That felt so good. "not me"

_**to be continued...**_

_**Kind of a fill in chapter,but 31 non the less. 32...is being thought about right as we speak :) hehe reviews are lovely :)**_


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter 32**

**A Case of mistaken identity part 1**

"You guys could of been killed!" I couldn't stand Declan's voice. My head was swaying back in fourth in total dzziness. I let out a breath,letting go of Eli's pecker. "It's blue now." Eli smirked. "Yah! What were you thinking?" Fitz cut in. "You told us to." I sighed. "You were obviously thinking with your butt,cause that's where your brain is now!" Declan yelled.

"Oh my man is soo hot when he's fuming mad!" Fitz blurted out. Declan covered his face. "I can't wait for our divorce,sweetie" Declan argued,his tone less than happy. "I think I'm going to be sick!" I stood up,running for the lavatory. "You're just not used to spir of the moment 15 hour plane rides. You're not pregnant,you're not going to end up on Maury,everything is okay" I tried to calm myself down,grabbing a paper towel roll.

"This could not get any worse..." I muttered. "whoa!" Someone yelled. I ran out of the bathroom quickly taking my seat. "What's wrong!" Eli yelled,over the roaring engine. "We're out of fuel,we have to do an emergency landing right now." The captain said. Everyone panicked,tightening their seat belts,preparing to die.

"ready?" We all held hands as the plane went down. The landing was soft. I peered out of my window.

"So how bout it Genius,Do you know where we are?" Eli asked. Declan blinked a few times. "uhhh,yah." He wasn't the best liar. "So we're pretty much doomed." Adam said. The plane turned off,leaving us in a green grass field,wooded area.

"We're walking to Paris...?" Ally started. "We're walking to find fuel." Declan answered. We all undid our seatbelts,as we waited for the okay to leave the plane. "You couldn't think to check the fuel gates?" Eli yelled,about ready to attack Declan. "I should of known better than to get on a plane with you!" Eli screamed,grabbing his duffle bag,grabbing my arm.

"How bout it Tony? How bout I fire you right now?" The guy nodded. "I've been in worse situations with your father,I'll go out for help." He shook his head,walking out the door of the plane. "And please nobody touch anything."

"Eli,Eli! Calm down" He shook his head. "Were in fricken Europe in the middle of Fricken nowhere!" I rolled my eyes. "I'm sure we'll find a road sign or something." We looked around. "Nothing,but cows!" Eli yelled,taking my hand. We ran across some of the greeniest grass I'd ever seen. "Look at that!" I pointed to a huge water fall,the view of mountains surrounding us.

"Take my picture!" "No service here doll" Declan said,admiring the view. "Well that's safe" Eli muttered.

We walked the green grass to a small cabin,a red cabin that kind of reminded Adam of the wicked witches gingerbread house. "You knock on the door..." I took Eli's hand to the door knocker. "No, you." Adam gulped. "I don't like this one bit,we're in a strange country and she could fatten us up and eat us and nobody would know." Eli rolled his eyes. "Adam knock on the damn door!" All the commotion seemed to have bothered the people living in the house.

"Kan ik u helpen?" I gulped. "Anybody want to try to speak dutch?" Eli rolled his eyes. "Spreekt u het Frans?" Eli said. I didn't know he spoke that. "Were did you hear that?" "I majored in french,so of course they teach you to say "Do you speak french?" in other langauges!" The woman looked confused. "Oui" Eli smiled.

"My idiotic buddy ran out plus entier ou le fioul and our plane est stranded dans that field ou cows au sujet de there. It' s new years eve and we' ; le re headng to le Paris."

_My idiotic buddy forgot to check the fuel tanks,stranding us in the middle of a field of cows. It's new years eve and we're heading to Paris."_

The short stout woman looked at us. "You come in food" The woman said in broken english. Adam started freaking out. "I told you! I told you! She's going to eat us!" Adam ran away screaming. "I'll get him" Ally said,laughing.

"Are you tew morried?" Eli raised his eyebrows. "We're engaged" The woman nodded. "Would you like some cocoa?" I nodded,only cause I was starving. "No!" Adam shouted,running for the tea cup. "It could be poisen!" Eli covered his face,like_ oh boy._

"Play along,Edwards" Eli whipered,getting up from his seat. "I'll just be a minute,Birtha" I smiled. "Birtha,right that's me,and that's Hanz." "May we use your phone?" The woman nodded. She walked me into the kitchen. "No,No I didn't say stove,I said phone." "You know like hello?" The woman shook her head. "I not sure wat you meat."

"How do you phone people?" The woman walked me back over to the stove. Declan saw this,and walked into the house uninvited. "No,No,No Fa one." Then the woman slapped him. "What did I say?" He was so confused,rubbing his cheek. "I think you insulted her." I smiled again,trying to think of what to say. "Do you speak french?" Declan rolled his eyes. "No,I just go to Paris on the weekends and not talk to people." He said sarcastically.

"Ask her to use the phone..." I started.

Hi Hello, Agnez ? May nous, m'and her use your phone ? telephone, la bague bague ? hello, how r vous ?

_Hi Hello,Agnez? May I call you Agnez? __May we,me and her use your phone?_

_telephone,ring ring? hello,how r u?_

"If you help milk cow" The woman said. My eyes widdened. "uh,pardon?" "goat too" The woman replied. "Well you're in luck,Declan just happens to be a wonderful goat milker,especially since he got us stranded here." I tried not to raise my voice.

Declan seemed to hate the idea,yet smiled in fear the woman would slap him if he didn't. "Which way to the barn?" He asked. The woman pulled him to a large table with 4 stools. "Now that you mention it,I'd love a whiskie sour." The woman raised a brow.

Quel chemin vers la grange ?  
Which way to the barn?

"Adam! I can't even start. He's refusing to come out of the plane. He keeps insisting that the brown bricks of this ladie's house are the remains of ginger bread kids." I covered my mouth,trying not to laugh. "Guess what Eli? It's your lucky day you get to milk the goats with Declan." Declan laughed. Eli raised his eyebrows in a pure what the hell fashion.

"I get to do,what now?"

Eli's POV

"They say that the strong er the men is,the better he milks the goat." Declan hid laughter. "You know most people accept money for a phone call..." I rolled my eyes. "Get use to goat,then you milk cow" I sat down on the wooden stool,waiting for the goat to just walk over to me.

"Come on Goatie! Here Goatie Goat" Declan laughed. "You're a virgin goat milker." Declan made a wierd call to the goat and it ran right over to him. "You speak goat? Can't say I'm surprised,probably your only friends"

Eventually I got a hang of this goat milking thing. "You might not want to squeeze too tight." Declan warned. "Too late" I held my face in pain. "or you'll get kicked..." "great now I have a footprint on my face." I rolled my eyes,but that hurt. "Actually it's a hoof print." I really wanted to kick his smart ass.

Clare's POV

"We're very thankful, thankful for this lovely...what is this?" "fesent with dear" I rolled my eyes and looked away. "I actually only eat vegetables." The woman smiled. "Then you grow your own fruit." I thought to myself. That will take days. "Thankyou for this lovely..." I didn't bother finishing that sentence.

"Done!" Declan said,handing the woman a pitcher of goat milk. "Eli!" I covered my face. "anybody got any ice?" He said,in a funny way. "My poor baby" The woman finally handed us the phone. "Here" I looked down at the dial. "This is going to take a lot of work" I said,picking up the broken telephone. "anybody have any glue?" Ally walked in. "I have chewing gum" She handed me the wad of gum. "um thanks" I said,trying to find the reciever to the phone.

"Do you have a local mart? a town near by?" Ally asked the woman. "Oui" We smiled. "Down the hall" Ally giggled. "I really tried." I set the broken telephone down on the coffee table.

Fitz's POV

"I wonder how long it will take for them to realize we're gone!" Drew yelled. "I'm sorry that was one hot girl,and her brother wasn't too bad either." Drew closed his eyes,trying to calm himself. "you wondered away from the group and got us abducted by norweigan ganstas!" I held onto the barn doors. "I assumed they'd ride us into town,so I could get us fuel and save the day." I shrugged.

"You were thinking they'd ride you in their pants,and that stupid little sexual comment could cost us our lives."

"Why did I run after you" Drew hit his head against the barn door. "Quiet!" Someone yelled,peering in the doorway. "Look we don't belong here." The woman unlocked the door. "Good so you see it our way." The woman gave us an evil grin.

_"Pierre Pulkashrimer_" The woman said in broken english. "No,it's mark,mark fitgerald." Drew hit me on the arm. "What was that for?" The woman broke up the arguing. "I'm impressed that your learned english so quickly,when the authorties come tomorrow you'll be spending every day in a prison cell." I squinted.

"That's not really going to work for me,see I'm on my honey moon with my husband." Drew held his hands up. "Not me" He said,sternly.

"and we're going to Paris" The woman laughed. "Right Pierre,once we find your partner Eddmund Wesafirth...you two are looking at life in prison,you escaped convents." Drew's jaw fell. "Uhh no, no, no you're mistaken see we're just vacationing on a private jet to Paris,we aren't criminals." The woman rolled her eyes. "I've heard weaker" She laughed again,locking the barn doors.

"Fitz! You had to look like an escaped convent." Fitz laughed. "We're busting out of here."

Eli's POV

"Do you have a car?" The woman nodded. "yes" She pointed to a large lawn mower." "it's getting dark,you must wait till morning." I nodded,sitting down on a lovely sofa. "You stay still sunset."

"Will you be needing a double bed?" The woman looked at Declan and Clare. "Oh,no um Eli's my fiance. Declan is the idiot who got us trapped in...where are we again?" "Alsace" "Right" Clare nodded. "He can sleep with the cows then" "Whoa Whoa,okay look I don't sleep with cows." I snickered. "Could of fooled me." I smirked.

"Hey you guys!" Ally called. "Where's Fitz and Drew?" "Oh crap" We all went looking for Fitzy boy. He was nowhere,neither was Drew.

"I'm going to say they were abducted by aliens." Adam said. "We'll be safe in the plane,they can't lift it." Every one rolled their eyes. "Guys we should celebrate,Fitz was abducted in another country,I say we get our butts out of here." Adam gave me an evil stare.

"My brother is with him!" "Allright,first thing tomorrow morning. We will set off looking for them." Clare got up,running outside. "I'm so sorry,the trout and the fesent just didn't agree with me." I rolled my eyes. "note to self,find a McDonalds somewhere,anywhere."

_**to be continued...**_


	33. Chapter 33

**Chapter 33**

**A case of mistaken identity part 2**

Clare's POV

Well happy new year! "Scoot closer to me,my butt is back to normal." I smiled,inching closer to Eli on the pull out sofa. "Something bothering you Edwards?" I gulped,forgetting how he could read me like a book. "Well besides being in another country and 2 of our friends going missing..."I layed my head on his shoulder.

"It's okay" was all Eli could say. "Rise and Shine!" Agnez ran into the room. "I didn't want to interrupt your fun,but you must leave now!" Eli rolled his eyes. "Well thanks we appreciate your hospitality." "No you don't understand a convent escaped last night. He is very dangerous,wanted in 11 countries." Eli sighed a breath of relief. "That is very reasuring, first thing in the morning." He breathed his early morning sarcasm. He stretched out his arms,and crawled out of the bed.

"Well we better fish Declan out of the barn." I grabbed Eli's slippers and walked out to the barn."Whoa" I stopped quickly. "You're having sex with my best friend in a stall of goats!" Declan quickly covered himself up. "It was celebration sex. Dingdong Fitz is dead..." He said in a sort of sing song voice. I rolled my eyes. "We don't know if he's dead,for all we know he's sleeping in a tree somewhere." I yawned.

"We have to get out of here,Agnez isn't letting us stay any longer." Ally was snoaring laying on a heigh stack. "Whatever" I said,walking out of the barn.

"I'm packing quickly,I figure that woman is nuts,or some kind of serial killer." Eli whispered,throwing random items into his suitcase. "So any idea how to drive a lawn mower?" He rolled his eyes. "Not really,but shouldn't be too hard"

"I made breakfast" The woman said,running with 2 raw eggs towards us. "thankyou,this is just lovely" I smiled through my fear.

Declan's POV

I pulled my clothes on quickly,trying not to maintain eye contact with Ally. That's how my one night stands work. There just that, one night stands. "So you used me?" Ally asked. I looked away. "Did you use Clare too?" I shook my head. "I don't even think I had sex with anyone." I was lying of course. Ally smiled. "Yah well whoever did just happened to fall off a roof into Fitz's arms?"

"She's spoken for. She's taken. She's engaged..She's pregnant!" Ally covered her mouth. "She's what?" I asked,unsure of what I just heard. "She might be,I shouldn't of said that." Ally looked away. "I won't say anything" I said in a serious tone. "I wish I knew what happened that night." Ally said,pulling her hoodie on. "That makes two of us" I snarked,thinking that I may of possibly fathered Clare's roof child. "that's just great" I said sarcastically.

Eli's POV

"Here we go,Edwards!" I swung my legs over the lawn mower. Clare hopped up,holding onto my waist,like a ves ba. "Whoa!" Declan ran infront of us. "You're trying to escape without us?" I rolled my eyes. "Nope,just trying to give Clare the movie montage she's always wanted." I smiled,blasting the mower and driving off. "Eli do you know where you're going?" I smirked again. "Hell no! But the world is our oyster!"

Clare held on tightly as we zoomed through the green field,trying to find any sign of restraunts,civilation,anything really. It was pretty much barns. "This is missing the black cowboy hat" I rolled my eyes. "Don't get your hopes up,Edwards" We rode for what seemed like hours. "Look a restraunt..." I stopped the mower... As screams and moans came out of the place."or a slotter house" Clare wimpered. "Hey I'm sure it's not" We stepped off the mower,and decided to investigate,hoping we wouldn't find one big orgy.

"Or a ...strip club..." Clare gasped. I quickly covered her eyes with my hands. "Eli!" She pulled my hands off her face. "We had sex in a pharmacy,I think this is uncalled for" I walked past the bars,trying to blend in. It's really hard to blend in when everyone else is wearing lingerie.

"Est-ce que je peux obtenir une soude ? "

_Could I get a soda?_

I knocked on the counter,looking at a fat bald man in an apron. "Sure pour le lera 30"

_for 30 lyra_

That's not really helpful.

"Je peux te donner trois dollars am ricains."

_I'll give you 3 dollars._

I held out the 3 dollars. The man shook his head.

"Vous voulez manger, vous dansez, vous le gagnez vous-m me."

_You want to eat,you dance,you make your own."_

The words oh and shit ran through my head. I walked away from the counter. "Do you have a talent?" I asked Clare quietly. "talent?" Clare asked confused. "Can you play a piano or a harmonica?" Clare shook her head.

"Can you..." I pointed to the bar "Dance?" Clare looked at the large pole infront of her. "I'm not getting up there" She warned. "Edwards,please don't make me get up there." The words "feed me" growling in my stomach. "Well do you have any idea how to get european cash?" She looked away.

"This does not leave this bar" She said,jumping on the stool and making her way to the long bar table. "Do you know what you're doing?" She smiled. "Helk no! But I've seen coyote ugly" My face fell in my hands. "Well we're going to starve." I muttered.

Some bizare music kicked up some raunchy halloween sounding emo french pop music. Try listening to that without throwing up. The drum beat as Clare let out her wild side,sliding around the pole,like damn!

The cash was falling at her. "Bonjour" Clare was saying. "J'aime cette chanson !" I feel a dirty dancing moment coming on. I strutted up to the bar stool,then I was stopped by a voice. "Whoa" Declan. "How the hell did you get here?" He smirked. I really hate when people do that,it makes you think they have something on you. "I rode Ally on my lawn mower." The audience started clapping& shouting. Adam walked in,rolling his eyes. "Hey Best friend Eli,yah you forgot me,left me in a plane with a bag of airplane crackers and my brother missing!" I smirked. "oops" Adam rolled his eyes. "yah oops!"

"Vous f lin fran ais sexy ! Plus ! Plus !"  
_You sexy feline! More, More!_

Clare picked up the colored bills,and stuffed them in her bra. She stopped overhearing our conversation. "Declan rode Ally on a lawnmower? Where did you sit?" "Oh I bet he did" Clare scoffed,rolling her eyes. "Eli is sorry for being an idiot,come eat with us." Clare pulled my hand to a table.

_"I don't know where that french kitten came from ,but she sure purrs."_

" I don't savent d'o ce chaton fran ais est venu, mais elle sure purrs."

"Shut up,Eli I know there's probably 100's of sexy french sayings going through your head right now..but after hearing what some of these men are saying to other men! I'm petrafied" Adam grabbed his menu,looking at everything. I smirked,sipping whatever the helk this was that I was drinking.

"yah you're right Adam,he made me get up on a pole,I can't imagine what's running through his mind."

"ou mon pantalon"

Or my pants. Clare rolled her eyes,ignoring my french innuenda "What did you order?" Clare asked.

"un hamburger et pommes frites" "Right" Clare said.

"cause I think they might of supplied some kind of aphrodesiac" Clare laughed. "What do you mean?" She scanned my body like a computer copier.

"ressemble quelqu'un se fait attraper avec leur jimmy dans une agitation"

_looks like someone gets caught with their jimmy in a wiggle_

Some random guys walked away,laughing french phrases to me. "The look on your face..." Clare laughed and snapped a picture. "for blackmail purposes" She giggled.

Declan's POV

"Idiot!" Ally kicked me hard with her foot under the table. "Owgh" I wined,picking up a menu. "Stop looking at Clare,I told you she was spoken for." I laughed. "and so are tables at fine restraunts." Ally rolled her eyes. "If you try to put moves on my bestfriend,they will be the last ones you'll ever make." I smirked,thinking "Is that a threat?" I folded my napkin onto my lap,and gave a devious smile. "You sly bastird you know exactly who slept with who,don't you?" I put on my innocent face. "Nope, I was high out of my mind,except for this morning in a barn..." Ally shut up quickly.

Eli's POV

"I can't believe you made me get up there and dance in the Porn Barn." I sipped my drink,laughing. "Well I didn't know you were a stripperella." Clare shook her head at me,and finished up her sandwich,and then ordered another one after that,and another one after that.

"just incase we can't find food." I raised my eyebrows. "What ever you say" We stopped and paid the check,looking up at a TV monitor.

"Pierre Pulkashrimer" I laughed at the name. "Hey Eli doesn't that guy look like Fitz?" Clare asked. I looked up again. "a little bit,what you thinking Edwards?" She raised her eyebrows. "Excusez-moi ! Tourneriez-vous svp cela vers le haut ?"

_Excuse me would you please turn that up._

The man picked up the remote,turning the volume up.

"Il semble se cacher, apr s vasion d'une loge de possession. Les sources indiquent qu'il pose comme marque de touristes canadienne Fitzgerald."

_He seems to be hiding,after escaping from a holding lodge. Sources say he is posing as a canadian tourist Mark Fitzgerald._

I gulped,spitting out my drink. "Well atleast we know where Fitz is..." Adam said,grabbing my jacket. "Lets go!" Declan and Ally saw this and followed after us. "You guys what's going on?" "Fitz for some reason has been mistaked for an escaped convent." Those are words you don't hear everyday.

I made my way to the place I left the lawn mower. It was gone. "Well anyone got a plan B?" Clare gulped. "I wish" She muttered. "Donkey rides!" Ally shouted.

"Oh sure, ride a donkey" Ally said,spewing sarcasm. "Yah well you allready did" Clare scoffed at Ally,looking at Declan. "Am I missing something here?" Clare changed the subject quickly. "Well come on! We have to find Fitz!" We all got on a donkey and trotted down the road.

Fitz's POV

I decided since I looked like an escaped convent,I would have to look different. Since everyone was looking for me,and swearing at me in french... I figured I'd hide behind a tree where little knombs live. Drew had taken off to find help,after we hit our captors with large sticks and escaped. I found some donkey fur on the trail and used it as a mustache.

I hid behind the tree the better part of the day,hoping nobody would notice.

Drew's POV

Fitz was an absolute idiot. I figured I didn't look like an escaped convent,so I would make a run for it. I went around the small town,trying to find anyone who spoke english,nobody did. I really wish I would of paid attention in class. "Bonjour!" I said,and that's all I knew how to say.

Clare's POV

So we were trailing along,riding our donkeys,when Eli suddenly felt ill. He held his stomach,and collapsed unexpectally on his donkey. "Eli!" I covered my mouth. "What do you think happened?" Ally asked. "Some french guy poisened him" Declan laughed. Ally hit him. "or some jackass,and I'm not talking about the donkey." Ally scoffed back at Declan.

"What did you give him?" Declan laughed. "He was dumb enough to order a tonic,I can't take credit for this." He smirked an evil everyone wants to get in my pants grin. I gulped. The donkey continued going with Eli out cold on his back.

_**to be continued...**_

_**Another whopper of a chapter,review,because it's fun too!**_


	34. Chapter 34

**Chapter 34 **

**Damn it! Paybacks a ...Declan**

Clare's POV

"What did you give him?" I demanded an answer. Declan looked away like oh shit. "It was some cough syrup. I'm sure he'll be allright." He scoffed. My eyes widdened. "Does he look fine?"

"Why the hell did you poisen my fiance? Cough syrup and what else?" He rolled his eyes. "I didn't think it would kick in so fast...maybe a smidge of tequila or whatever was on that bar."

He laughed at his mistake. "Well as long as Eli can't hear us..." Ally started. "Clare,Declan had sex with you,you just don't remember it." My mouth dropped open,as I tugged the leash of the donkey,pulling Eli along.

"You better pray,Eli isn't awake." I muttered. Adam rode shocked,as his donkey went along. "Why would!" Adam didn't even have an answer for that. "I found a way out of this marriage thing. All I have to say is I impregnanted someone before Fitz and I got married." My expression dropped. "How did you..." Declan smiled.

"please you ate 3 hamburgers today, you puke at random times,and you're looking a little chubby..." Ally hit Declan. "Owgh what was the for?" Ally smirked. "For getting my bestfriend pregnant."

"Well when Eli wakes up he's going to kill you,and then we're going to leave the country.." Adam muttered. "How long does this tonic last?" "No more than an anesteshia." I wanted to push him off his donkey. "Wow you really are an ass." I rolled my eyes. "Just think you could be carrying our little ass."

"You know what!" I put my hands up. "That's it I'm calling CeCe and explaining that we ran off to france with an idiot,The plane ran out of fuel. The idiot then drugged my fiance,and blackmailed me,and Eli is outcold."

"Good luck finding a phone." "Where is your pilot anyway?" Adam asked. Declan laughed. "please he just wanted a free ride to france,he isn't flying us back..." "Ally" Adam said. "That's it I'm tying you and your donkey to a tree..." Ally jumped off her donkey,and then jumped on Declan. "What the hell!"

"Hee sna -hee snaw" The donkeys freaked out,and attacked each other. "Get away from me Bitch!" I dropped my mouth open. "You did not just call my best friend a bitch!" He was in trouble now. Ally,Adam and I tied him to the donkey,then tied him to a tree. Ally nudged me. "Do you see that?" She laughed. I looked over to see a shivering ,fragile figure hiding behind the tree.

"This is just too perfect" Adam laughed. "Hey little guy..." Fitz reached out to the donkey,then to Declan. "Fuck!" Declan shouted. Fitz's eyes glimmered,as he saw his "husband" "Pretty boy!" Declan tried to get away,shouting "Oh shit!"

"See fate brings us together again." I giggled,as Ally pulled us out of the way. "You're not leaving me here! I'm sorry,okay sorry,about everything the roof,the baby,Eli." I raised my eyebrows. "He's despirate" Ally laughed. "Good "I said,and walked off. "Oh please stay away from me!"

Declan panicked,as Fitz latched onto his lips. We walked away,laughing,right before Ally snatched Declan's wallet.

Drew's POV

I stopped suddenly,I could of sworn,...I heard whimpering,someone begging for their life,something. I stopped to help the person. "Bonjour!" I said. "Do yo need aye help yay?" The woman looked at me,like I was a stick of bacon. I got really nervous and ran for my life. I found myself running back through a field ,a familar field. I stopped when I heard a bunch of arguing and giggling. "Drew!" Ally yelped,jumping off _a donkey?_ yah a donkey,or a llama? I can't really tell the difference.

"Ally you guys Fitz looks like a convicted arsonist..." I stopped,when I saw Eli laying on his face,riding a donkey. "what happened?" Clare rolled her eyes. "Declan happened."

"Wow well I made a run for it,and nobody speaks english!" Adam walked out from around a tree. "Sorry I couldn't use the bathrooms in that strip joint." Adam laughed,and smiled when he saw me. "Drew!" He ran up to hug me. "I thought you were kidnapped"

"I'm okay Bro,but nobody speaks english." Adam rolled his eyes. "this is why you should of paid attention in french class." I laughed,knocking fists with my bro. "Yehhhh boy"

Declan's POV

The next time I learn classified information,I'm keeping my mouth shut. Fitz carried me piggy back style. "Well not really romantic,but the forest is nice." He set me down on a log,and I prepared to make a run for it.

"Look hubby,how do I break this to you nicely...oh right...I'M NOT GAY!" Fitz shook his head. "just keep telling yourself that,you were happy when you married me."

This is one idiot. "I wasn't happy,I was panicking,hiding my fear,smiling trying to make a run for it!" This guy just doesn't get it.

"You promised me a honey moon." I rolled my eyes. "I'd sooner be honey mooning with..." I stopped myself,thinking damn it Declan,did you seriously just think that?

"with who?" Fitz asked. I had a feeling he would probably beat me up. "Clare" I sat back down on the log,thinking how badly I screwed up.  
"Good luck getting her away from Eli." I smirked. "luck has nothing to do with it."

We stopped suddenly,when we heard approaching foot steps.

"Pierre Pulkashrimer!" A woman with a strange accent said. "Oh shit!" Fitz said. "and your accomplice?" She looked at me. "Trust me darling,I'm here against my will." The woman smiled. "a hostage" "Hey Decks..." Fitz moved his eyes to the side..."run!" He yelled. That's not obvioust at all. The woman shot him with a stun gun.  
"Good plan,genius" "Oh shit!" Fitz layed there helpless.

"Where's Edmund?" I raised my eyebrows. "Look my buddy may look like a convicted...whatever,but he isn't just take a few blood samples,I doubt they'll match." Fitz looked terrified.

"Oh fuck no!" Fitz yelled,trying to jump up to his feet. The woman shot him again. "I hate needles!" I laughed. The woman grabbed me by the collar. "hey careful that's Louie Vuiton!" The woman rolled her eyes at me.

"Where's Edmund?" I shrugged. "I don't know an Edmund,but I know a guy who goes by Eli..." Fitz gave me a look like what the hell. "Take me to him." I thought a minute. _Turn Eli in for no reason,and run off with Clare... _I smiled. "Sure, why not?" I smirked. "But I want something in return..."

Clare's POV

"Any luck?" I left the merchant shop,empty handed. "well I got us a stick of gum,and a glacier water." I flipped Declan's wallet over. "I'm beginning tot hink he carries a decoy wallet..." Adam said. "and apparentally gets lucky,alot" Ally finished. "Condoms?" Drew asked.

"Yah that will fly a plane" Adam argued. "Hey isn't that Fitz?" Adam asked. The guy looked a lot like Fitz,he stopped and made a turn down a dark alleyway. "If that's Fitz,then where's Declan?" Ally asked. "I don't know..." The guy saw us,watching him. "This is a really stupid idea to follow him..." The guy seemed to have vanished.

"Clare look out!" The man out of nowwhere,trampled us,and covered our mouths.

"Suivez-moi et personne n'obtient le mal vous sentez am ricain,"

The guy barked at Eli. What' ; mal de s avec lui ? Adam smiled,clutching Drew's hand. "cough syrup overdose,that and tequila." The guy looked at us,like we had 4 hands.

"You' ; Am ricain re ! Portez-moi cette marque Fitzgerld, quelle mani re parfaite de truquer ma propre mort."

Adam started giving me a warning look. Drew didn't understand a word. "He wants to kill eh fitz eh." I gulped. My instincts took over and I punched the man in the groin,and climbed onto the donkey. "Mush!" I yelled,whipping the donkey,hoping it would run. "but it didn't..." Eli layed helpess,snoaring on a donkey in front of a convicted fellon.

_**to be continued...**_

**Wow! hehe Let me know what you think! What's gonna happen now!**  
**hehe x3**


	35. Chapter 35

**Chapter 35**

**I see Dead People...**

_**Thanks to ToriTrueBlood for this lovely chapter title x3 **_

Eli's POV

"Hee snaw-Hee snaw" I woke up yawning,my pillow was so soft,almost like fur. I stretched my arms out,looking around. Then I lost my balance,when I realized I was on some wierd animal. I fell into a hay stack.

"Eli!" Clare shouted. "Where are we?" I asked,rubbing my eyes. "Before I tell you what happened,let me just start by saying I love you so much,and nothing changes that."

I leaned against a cold barn door. "What happened,Edwards?" I yawned. "Okay so Declan accidentally,purposely mixed something into your drink,that caused you to pass out and sleep...Then the convicted fellon that looks like Fitz kidnapped us,demanding we take him to Fitz,so he could fake his own death,and he left,tying me to this barn door,and leaving you outcold on a donkey. Then Ally&Adam went off for help"

I raised my eyebrows. "Declan..." I growled. "I will kill him." I said,trying to gain my balance. "Well um Eli...I think I'm pregnant."

"Edwards,that's too much to put on me after waking up on a donkey." I yawned again. "Tell me again,later" Then I fell back asleep. I woke up an hour later,Clare stareing at me.

"how pregnant are we?" I said half awake. "I have no idea." I yawned again,falling against the barn door. "What about those pills,did they not work?" "I thought we were safe." Clare bit her lip. "I love you" I rolled my eyes.

"What aren't you telling me?" I layed on my back on a heigh stack. "Oh not much..." Clare started,like she was hiding something.

"Is it twins? Are we going to have to name our kids Jingle & Bells?" She smiled. "um..." Clare started. Then my memory hit me. "Is it Declans?" Clare gulped. "wrong answer,Edwards! I'm going to get him,and stuff him in a jack in a box,and have him pop out and yell surprise to Fitz." Clare laughed.

"I'm such an idiot" I shook my head. "Fitz was the one who gave us those scrumptious cookies."

"I don't know what to say, if it's not my kid..." Clare showed such sadness in her eyes. "I won't do that!" She said,nearing tears.

She held her stomach,clenching over in pain. "Eli something is terribly wrong" I looked at her,the fear in her eyes. She was not kidding. I jumped up quickly,shaking the barn door open,trying to get out. "What?" Someone with a broken accent said behind the door.

_"My fiance needs a doctor!"_

J'ai besoin d'un docteur ! J'ai besoin d'un h pital !

_I need a doctor! I need a hospital!_

I shouted in french,holding my head. The man opened the door,as I helped Clare up. "What's happening?" She asked. "It's going to be okay,it's going to be okay." The only words running through my head that sounded assuring,and helpful. The other ones. She's dying,She's dying.

I carried her onto a hay truck,and then attempted to drive it. "stay calm!" I yelled from behind me. "You go south!" The man said. I panicked. I pushed the gas. "Eli!" Clare yelped. I kept driving south,or what I thought was south. Finally I saw a sign that looked like "Une Hopital!" I turned the hay truck in to the Emergency entrance. Running in shouting.

"My fiance needs a doctor!" J'ai besoin d'un docteur ! J'ai besoin d'un h pital !

A nurse ran out in a white dress and hat. " Est-elle en douleur ? I nodded my head. Another nurse came out with a doctor,picking up her fragile figure.

It' pr paration d'annexe de s OU

_It's an appendix,prep the OR!_

I ran after the white gurny. "She might be pregnant!"

Elle pourrait tre enceinte

L'ok obtiennent aller de sonagram.

I waited in a waiting room,that told me not to talk on my cellphone in french,apparentally I would be risking people's health. I walked over to a payphone,trying to call out collect,or whatever they had here.

I waited as the phone rang.

"Pour juste 4 cents que par minute nous obtiendrons votre fantaisie chatouill e de plus de mani re puis une, vous aimez cela, don' ; t vous ?"

_For just 4 cents a minute we will get your fancy tickled in more way then one,you like that,don't you?_

Tenez svp tandis que nous faisons vos imaginations venir ooh vrai d'ooh .

_Please hold while we make your fantasies come true... ooh...ooh._

I quickly put the phone down. "Guess they have different numbers here..." I sat down on the chair,waiting for results, anything. I waited a good 4 hours.

Clare's POV

I woke up in a hospital bed,iv's hooked to me,a tv blareing french broadcasts. I looked down to find I was in a hospital gown. A woman walked in with a cart. "You are ameri can?" She asked. I nodded.

"close enough." She smiled. "You had appendicitis,it must of been coming on for quite some time. Did you notice any unusual vommiting? pressure on your stomach,changes in apatite?" I nodded.

"You will be okay,but I can't find any information or passport on you." I gulped. "I was mugged." I lied. "Thank goodness you came in when you did,other wise it could of been disasterous." I smiled.

"So I take it, I'm not pregnant?" The woman shook her head. "Now the pain pills they've given you may affect your birth control pills. "I find your husband" She said,walking out into the hall. I breathed a sigh of relief. "You're free to go tomorow,u can make a call,just dial 9 first." I smiled,and picked up the phone. Eli walked in.

"You scared me so fricken bad!" I smiled. "I'm not pregnant." Eli found comfort in those words. I picked up the phone,dialing Ally's cellphone number. "Hey I'm in the hospital." Ally swollowed hard.

"well we got the convicted fellen locked in a bathroom,and no sign of Fitz anywhere." I felt the pain from the stiches on my stomach. "Well as long as you're okay,you and Adam."

Ally dropped the phone. "He ran off with Drew." "I have Declan's credit card,and I'm trying to get fuel." I smiled again. "Just get over here,okay? I just had my appendix ripped out of me." I hung the phone up.

"So they're in a lot of trouble..." I said,holding onto my blanket.

Declan's POV

"Eddmund's in here" I said,opening the bathroom door. "There is no one in here!" She said walking in the room. Fitz and I pushed the woman into the bathroom,locking the door behind her.

"Okay now..." Fitz started. "Fitz! Thank goodness you're allright!" Ally yelled,walking towards us. "So just have to find Drew and Adam,and Clare is in the hospital..." I lost my train of thought. "Is she okay? Is the baby okay?" Ally looked down,then back up. "Funny story,She wasn't pregnant,she just had appendicitis."

I gasped,as Fitz put his arm around me. "It's okay you have me." That was it. "Funny story,see I'm not gay. I was just out of mind when I accidentally married you." I moved his arm off my shoulder. "Right because you love Clare.." Fitz started. Oh shit... Ally turned around to face us. "You what!"

"I never got over her,and I'm really upset right now,okay?" Ally rolled her eyes. Who knows what Eli's going to do to you,once he finds that out!" Ally yelled over everyone. "Hey whats going on?" Adam cut in walking in with Drew.

"Clare is in the hospital,Declan's in love with her,and Eli is going to kill him." Adam rolled his eyes. "Is that all?" He asked. "well our plan was almost full proof,but we can't find a pilot anywhere."

"I can fly a plane!" Declan cut in. "But we would be complete idiots ,risking our lives if we let you." I don't want to hear this. This has been one hell of a vacation,or whatever Fitz wanted.

I picked up my phone,finding at least 2 bars of service. "Fi" "Declan where the hell are you? Mother is going basirk,there's a plane missing!" I took the phone call over there.

"I'm kind of stranded in france..." Fiona was silent. "Where!" She yelled. "I really don't know,but our plane ran out of fuel,and we can't fly back." I could hear her mentally rolling her eyes. "Okay,just find out the zipcode or something,and I'll get a plane out there,and hope Mom doesn't notice. This was really stupid Declan!" I couldn't agree more.

"It seemed like a good idea at the time." I rolled my eyes,hanging the phone up. "Help is on the way." I said. We all got on a hay cart and headed to the hospital.

We waited and recieved some instructions from some french nurses,talk about the ultimate fantasy..._not important,sorry._

I approached Eli in the hallway. He looked at me,if looks could kill. He held a cellphone in his hands and gave me another cold stare. "Lets take a walk Declan..." He grabbed my arm,pulling me into an elevator.

The elevator stopped,leaving us in a dark hallway,of hospital archives. "You have been in love with my girl for what 2 years now? You're really starting to get on my nerves. I'm marrying her,and you're not, you never will. You are a sceevy,coniving,manipultive asshole!"

Eli yelled at me. "Move on!" He yelled,like a wind over head. "And what if I dont..." I wasn't feeling intimidated by this short little gothic elf. He looked at me with cold eyes. "You don't want to mess with me." He poked his finger to my chest,pushing me into a room,and locking me in it.

"You jerk!" I yelled. "Takes one to know one." He raised his eyebrows satisfied and walked away. It took me about 1 minute to discover I was locked in the hospital morgue.

"Oh God!" I said,picking up my phone. "Fi,you better get here quickly,I'm locked in a morgue,and there's dead people in here." Fiona laughed on the other end. "That can't end well,remember how you were watching that zombie movie? you had to go through therepy!" She laughed. "shh have to turn my phone off now,the plane is taking off."

I ended my phone call,and proceeded to knock on the door for help,in french,because well when in France,right?

AIDE THERE' ; Personnes mortes de S dedans ici !  
_HELP THERE'S DEAD PEOPLE IN HERE!_

yah Declan,just point out the obvious. I banged on the door,trying to get free. I swear I heard a zombie moan over there. I hate those kind of movies. I really hate them. I screamed out for help. "Adam you sure this is where the cafeteria is?" _Ally._

I hit myself against the door,screaming out. "Ally get me out of here!" "Declan?" Ally said,leaning into the door. "Come on open the door! I don't like it in here!" I started freaking out,grabbing my hair in pure panick. "Haha what are you doing in the morgue?"

"Why aren't you opening the door?" Ally laughed. "Adam come here,Declan is locked in the morgue." Adam rolled his eyes. "I always thought he was a little off,but necrophilia?" He sounded disgusted.

"Fuck no! I'm not turned on by dead people,I'm scared out of my mind,open the damn door!" I heard Adam laugh. "Should we let him out?" I heard the jingle of keys. "Maybe just let him swet it out a bit,after all he got us stranded here,and used me,poisened Eli

..." This isn't working. "I'm sorry,I'm sorry. Get me out of here! Please I don't want them to eat me!" I could hear Ally giggle. "You watch too many horror films..." She sighed,moving closer to the door.

"Amazing how they leave the keys on this hook. I mean anyone could just lock someone in the morgue." Adam laughed. Ally turned the lock of the door. Then I ran out. "Thankyou,Thankyou I owe you." Ally laughed. Her eyes widdened. "Serious makeout hair..." Adam rolled his eyes.

"you owe everyone." "How did you get in there?" Ally asked. "Eli locked me in there."

We walked to the elevators together. Adam nudged me. "So..what does it for you,I've always been curious about freaks like you,is it cause they're shiny?" My eyes widdened.

I then entered the elevator letting out an aweful scream. "Whoa" Adam said. "He must really like them dead." Adam whispered. "Somebody get me away from these imbusiles." I muttered.

"Look who we found in the morgue..." Ally started. "Declan!" Clare looked at me,like she'd seen a ghost or something equivilent to that. "What happened?" I sat down on a chair,taking my jacket off,seriously sweating. "Eli." One word was all I said.

"Why would he do that?" Clare yelled. "owgh,that hurts." She tried to sit up. "because he knows I'm still in love with you." Clare closed her eyes,unsure of what to say.

Eli's POV

I sat in the waiting room reading a magazine about the importance of high blood pressure medicane? I really hope so. I think this is dutch. I could of sworn I saw these people stareing at me and pointing.

I shrugged it off,going back to my magazine. "Get him!" Someone shouted in a broken english accent. "Get who,now?" I felt myself lifted from the chair,and being handcuffed.

"Whoa,you've got the wrong guy!" I argued,trying to get away.

"Eddmund Wesafirth...you're wanted in 11 countries." I gulped. Oh shit! "Whoa ,Whoa my name is Eli,not Eddmund." That didn't help. I looked across the hall to see Fitz being arrested too. "Now we've caught 2 of the worst criminals out there." Oh shit...

"We're not criminals." The woman laughed. "Nice fake id..." "It's really used for bar purposes only to get in you know,see bands like the dead hands?" the police officers shook there heads at me.

"You have the right to remain silent..."

"Then technically I have the right to yell."

"I'm not Eddmund,please don't arrest me. my fiance just got her appendix out,I'm supposed to be getting married. I just want to go home. Whoa don't touch me there."

"That is not yours to touch!"

_**to be continued...**_

**_There you go,a whopper of a chapter,because it's what I enjoy doing to ya._**


	36. Chapter 36

**Chapter 36 **

**Jail birds**

Clare's POV

"You what!" Did I hear that right? I questioned,sitting up from my bed. "Please don't get up,obviously you're completely disgusted with me right now,I'm sorry. I will leave." Declan paced back in fourth,holding his head. Ally just sat with her mouth open _He did say he loved me!_

I looked down at my engagment ring,well my replacement engagement ring,a real diamond. I remembered what had happened. Declan had slipped that ring on my finger. I gasped from the shock of everything. "Eli!" I yelled,causing my hospital monitors to beep uncontrolably.

"Uh we've got a problem..." Adam and Ally walked in. "Okay,um Clare,I don't want you to freak out,but Eli has been arrested." I clutched onto the railings of my hospital bed,trying not to scream.

"She's taking this well..." Adam started. "He's what!" I yelled,drawing a lot of attention. "Why?" I questioned,climbing out of my bed. The noticable inision bugging the helk out of me.

"I don't know..." Adam bit his bottom lip,like he was trying to keep himself from saying something. "I just got my appendix out,found out that my ex boyfriend is still in love with me,that my fiance has been arrested and nobody knows the fuck why!" I could feel my cheeks burning up.

"This is not the right thing to tell a woman with PMS!" Declan walked into the room. "You love me Declan? Then Find Eli and bail him out of jail!" I yelled. Declan stood shocked. "What's going on?" he asked, Adam thought a moment. "I believe she's having a nervous breakdown..." Adam said. "I'll get the nurse" Ally cut in.

"No you get me chocolate cake! and step on it!" I yelled. My hormones raging,dozens of thoughts running through my head.

Eli's POV

"What did you do with the juice,Eddmund?" I rolled my eyes. "I didn't steal juice." The man rolled his eyes at me. "I know you stole the juke" I shook my head. "I love juke boxes though,but they are really steap in price." The man tried again. "Eddmund! Answer the damn question!"

"Look I'm trying to tell you...nicely. I'm not Edmund." The man shook his head at me. "You're Eddmund!" The guy was not getting this. "Come on Eddmund,just between us,where's the mold?" I rolled my eyes. "Why the hell would I steal mold?." I said. The man shook his head at me again. "Gold!" I didn't understand one word of this. Fitz was busy playing with his fingers.

"Okay,let's try this again. My name is Eeeeeli..." I tried to stretch my words,so his ears would hear it. _no suck luck. _This sucks. I thought. I had no idea what to do,or how to get out of the situation. "Okay,buddy what's its going to take to convince you I'm not Eddmund whatsafuck?" The man nodded. "So you admit you're Eddmund?" This wasn't working.

"Okay..." I calmly started. "I'M NOT EDDMUND WHATSAFUCK! MY NAME IS ELI! CAN YOU GET THAT THROUGH YOUR FUCKIN HEAD?" The man shook his head "arghhhhh!" I yelled,and hit the table with my hand.

The 2 officers walked off.

"Allright Pierre Pulkashrimer..." I overheard the guys interrogating Fitz. He just couldn't stop laughing. "It's sounds so funny" He said,laughing like a jolly Santa at the mall.

"bzzzz" Great they are stun gunning him. "That tickles! Stop stop!" He laughed.

Declan's POV

"uhhh..." Ally rolled her eyes. "make some calls!" She slapped my wallet on my chest. "owgh" "yes,hello I'd like to bail a dangerous criminal out of jail...yes I'll hold." I held the cellphone,waiting for anyone to answer,and take the call seriously. After 40 minutes of please continue to hold,I hung up the phone and went to ask for directions.

" Excusez-moi quelle mani re au commissariat de police ? "  
Excuse me,which way to the police station? I asked. The woman pointed across the street. "How convienent!" I muttered,and went out the sliding glass doors.

After about 5 minutes of conversation with these people,I figured they weren't going to help me.  
"What do you mean I can't bail him out? I have a credit card."

"see nice,shiny credit card." The man raised his brows at me. "Pierre and Eddmund are some extremely dangerous criminals. We are not allowed to release them." I rolled my eyes,trying to hold back my anger. Without thinking I grabbed the mans tye.

"listen,run the damn credit card! I've screwed up too much this trip,and I need Clare to atleast trust me enough to invite me to her wedding!" "Faites-le ou je vous pendrai vers le haut par vos boules !" The man's eyes popped out of his head,and I let go of his collar.

"Security!" He yelled.

"Good going Declan,just threaten the police..." I mumbled,hitting the wall of this ugly jail cell. "That didn't work." I said,sitting on the wooden stool. I looked around before sneaking a phone call. The phone was in my pants pocket. _"This is going to look so wrong_ "I thought to myself.

I punched the numbers on my phone through my pants pocket. I put my head on my lap and started talking. "Fi,it's me I'm in a french jail cell. I apparentally threatened a cop." Fiona laughed really hard on the other line. "hush up!" I yelled in a whisper. "they allready think I'm talking to my dick.

"What did you say to the officer?" Fiona asked. "Je jure que je vous pendrai vers le haut par vos boules !" She was silent a minute. "Just one second,Declan" She said,and then I heard her bust out laughing. "get me out of here!" I whispered.

A officer walking by saw this and gave me a funny look. I picked my head up,and grinned. The man rolled his eyes and walked away.  
"sicko perverti !" he mumbled.

perverted sicko! "Declan,you told the man you'd hang him up by his balls."

"Well sorry you're the one who's fluent in french." People stared at me,and gave me dirty looks. "right,they think I'm talking to my imaginary friend,or even worse myself!" I said.

"Somebody help me!" I fell against the metal bars.

"You get one phone call" Hey this person speaks english!

"I'm on vacation,my buddies were mistaken for escaped convents and they're not. I just told my ex girlfriend I was in love her,after that dewfus locked me the hospital morgue,I was not thinking straight. I shouldn't of said that,and that little elf of doom over there is going to kill me anyway,but I'd very much like to make it back home,and next time I'll vacation in FIGI!"

The man raised his eyebrows. "That sucks,sir" He smiled,handing me the phone. "Ally,funny thing see I got arrested." Ally smacked her lips. "Do I have to do everything around here?" She yelled. "be right there." I waited a good 40 minutes,finally I saw her walk through the doors with Clare! Ally stepped away,letting Clare walk through fuming mad. "Out of the way! Bitch! coming through!" Ally announced as Clare approached the police desk.

"You seem to have some of my friends locked up." Clare said,stareing the poor man down. "Can you be more specific?" Clare rolled her eyes,as she looked at the jail cages. "Yes that idiot right there,that jerk right there,and that extremely frightened shaking case over there." The officer nodded. "Those are dangerous criminals." "yah,yah."

"I guarentee if you test their DNA and finger prints to your escaped convents,and you must have those on record in your police date base right? You will owe us a huge appoligy." The officer raised his brows. " Alright,if they are not a match,we will let you make bail."

I slipped her my credit card. "Thankyou,that's all I ask." "You jerk,are free to go!" finally. The man let me out of the cage. "I send you to bail him out,and you get arrested too!" Clare rolled her eyes at me.

Eli's POV

"Come on we have some testing to do." I rolled my eyes,as they pulled me out of the jail cell. "now this won't hurt one bit." yah yah...

"Fuck!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. I held onto the chair,and stared at the person. Fitz was next. "hold still!" The woman ordered,as she poked him with a really large needle.

"AHHHHHH!" Fitz wailed,nearing tears. "Please it's just your pinky finger!" Fitz shook his head. "no,you made a booboo,now kiss it and make it better."

"I will do,no such thing!" The woman responded. Fitz was persistant. "Kiss it...kiss it..." The woman kissed his finger. "There!" She threw her hands up and walked out of the room.

"Look at the bright side..." I started. "atleast that wasn't in the butt."

Clare's POV

"Allright,We are truly sorry for the misunderstanding,and we'd appreciate it if you didn't press charges." Clare rolled her eyes. "Press charges on the police department,hmm that's not something you see everyday."

"Clare!" Eli ran to hug me. "Thankyou! How did you know that! You're amazing." Ally rolled her eyes. "I watch a lot of forensic files." I bit my lip.

"What took you guys soo long?" Ally smiled. "Well they had the cutest little gift shop.." Ally looked at Declan. "and we figured we'd let him in the jail a while."

"hardy har." Declan rolled his eyes.

"Okay,Clare I'm really sorry for stranding the plane,almost getting you pregnant" He closed his eyes a quick second. "anyways,I'm going to go back with Fi,and you and Eli go on your dream vacation." He handed me 2 tickets. "Declan,you don't have to do that,I really don't want to do that,because as of right now I hate Paris."

I widdeled the diamond off my finger. "This is yours." Eli stood with his eyes open,ready to jump him. "Lets all just get out of here,and never ever vacation with him again." Ally added,grabbing Clare's arm. "Hey you guys..." Declan scratched the back of his head. "Where's Adam?"

Eli looked around. "Where's Drew?" He added.

Adam's POV

"You speak english?" The pretty blonde girl nodded. "a lil." She said,sipping her cherry cola. "I'm Adam." I introduced myself. She giggled. "Genieve" I like that name. "why you in the hopi tall?"

"My friend had her appendix out." She looked down sadness forming in her eyes. "Oh,no it's not sad it's just a good thing they found it." I responded.

"Would you like to go in the broom closet with me and how u say mak out?" I nodded. "I would love to!" I'm going to makeout with a french girl. I was listening to the tune of the conga line playing in my head.

Drew's POV

"Damn!" Adam ran off with a french girl. Clare has checked out of the hospital. I don't know where anyone is,and I'm stuck in a fuckin elevator.

"worst vacation ever"

_**to be continued... :)**_

**It's a little bit fill iny,but I had some writers block on this one :(**

**Writer's block is no fun :(**

**Review?**


	37. Chapter 37

**Chapter 37 **

**Some Trip**

Clare's POV

"Ally did you leave them in the gift shop?" I asked,as we all spread out looking for the two brothers. "Not in here!" Fitz yelled,looking in the trash can. "Why the hell would they be in there? Idiot!" Declan hit him over the head. "owgh,I was just trying to help." Fitz said. "Not in the bathroom." Eli said.

"yah Fitz why don't you check the coffee maker?" Declan rolled his eyes,as Fitz walked towards the coffee maker. He stopped quickly. "aww I see what you did there." Fitz said,and straightened out his shirt. "Okay,guys think realistically,now. We were in the gift shop." I snapped my fingers together. "Ally they are probably in the little cafe next door!" Ally and I ran across the street,trying to find Adam and Drew.

Eli's POV

I looked at Fitz and Declan. "The 3 Fuckateers" I said,pulling Fitz out the doors of the police station. "You wanna wait for your private jet here,or..." Declan turned his head quickly and followed us. "here's to hoping they weren't kidnapped by hookers" Declan said,as we crossed the street,heading back to the hospital.

"Just when almost everything was going right,we lose Adam and Drew." I rolled my eyes. "What seems to be going on?" I stepped infront of the caution tape. "Adam!" I yelled,looking at his ripped up shirt,and lipstick marks on his face.

"I went to makeout with a french girl,but she wasn't really all that nice. She mugged me,and kicked me in the groin." I held my head,as I sighed one breath of relief. "Where's Drew?" I asked. Adam shook his head. "He's not answering his cellphone." I picked up the phone,repeating the last outgoing call. I could of sworn I heard the jingling of a telephone. I followed the noise. "Hey Guys!" I yelled.

The ringing got louder as I approached an elevator with it's emergency light on,meaning that he was stuck in there. I picked up the phone. "My money is on him being in there"

I turned on my heel to the elevator door. "Oh shit!" Adam exclaimed. "How do we get him out?" I looked at an open elevator door and Fitz and Declan. Both looked at each other. "1-2-3 Not it!" They both yelled at the same time. "Oh flippin fucker stuffer!" I mumbled.

I stuck my head in the elevator,and looked down at the emergency latch door,thinking of the elevator cord down below. "This could get me killed guys,really,can't we just leave without him?" The boys shook their heads at me. "Shit" I said,as I bit my bottom lip and climbed in. I popped the door below me,looking down at the elevator under neath me.

"Drew!" I cupped my mouth with my hands and yelled down. "Eli!" I heard a muttered scream. I jumped onto the elevator below me,and tried to find some kind of trapped door. "I better get a fuckin badge for this!" I mumbled. "Pop the escape door!" I yelled,hoping he'd hear it. "Did you just call me a whore?" He yelled back. I rolled my eyes. "Open the escape door. Pull the emergency lever!" I yelled again.

"I'm not a whore,and I'm not going to be one forever,bitch!" I shook my head.  
"Open the fuckin door!" He banged on the door. "I can't believe you're insulting me at a time like this. I'm trapped in a fuckin Elevator,and you're calling me a whore! If anyones a whore on this trip. It's Declan,not me!"

"Hey!" Declan yelled down to us,sounding insulted. "I said Door! D.O.O.R" I spelt it out. I really hope this works. "Well duh man! It's a huge metal door!" I shook my head. "Pull the lever!" After about 30 minutes of spelling out "Emergency lever" He finally pulled it. The door popped open. "Dude did you just scale an elevator shaft?" I nodded.

"That's some crazy ass shit right there,you're like fuckin spider man!" I rolled my eyes. "just climb out,climb ontop of this elevator and out this exit." I tried to make my instructions as clear as possible. "I can't believe you had the gall to call me a whore!" Drew exclaimed,earning another eye roll from me.

"Suck in!" I instructed as he slid out the top of the elevator. "Dude how do we get up there?" Drew looked up. "Well we stand on this,climb into that door,and out that door,and hopefully don't get killed in the process,falling." I muttered,as I stood on top of the elevator,pulling myself up the cable.

"Come on!" I yelled. Drew followed my lead as we flopped into the open elevator above us. "There!" I said. Declan and Fitz pulled us up,while a bunch of french nurses clapped. "Declan,remind me to never to get on a plane with you again." I said as we all made it safely to the hospital floor.

"What the helk happened?" Clare rushed in with a few gift shop bags. "You just had to splurge on the Eiffel tower keychain,huh Edwards?" She smiled. "Oh my God!" Then freaked out when she saw the elevator shaft. "Don't ask" Drew said. "Are you allright?" Clare asked,I nodded. Then Ally randomly interrupted our sweet moment.

"Well my birth control failed" Ally said,causing Declan to eye her nervously. "What do you mean?" Ally rolled her eyes. "Oh let me use smaller words,that means that I missed a pill." Declan's eyes grew huge. "and you can get it back,right?" Ally shook her head. "not exactly" Declan started freaking out,and Fitz unknowingly stepped on his shoe lace. He took a step and fell forward,tripping into the empty elevator shaft. "Oh shit!" Drew said,as Declan fell ,hitting the metal elevator below him,landing on his dick.

"Fuck!" Declan yelled. I shook my head. "not it" I said,and walked off with Clare.

Clare's POV

"you can't just leave him there,Eli." I warned as I turned back around. "I'll save you!" Fitz yelled,and started climbing down the elevator cables. "Well I'm dead" Declan mumbled,laying flat on his stomach. "Are you hurt?" I yelled down. "Nah,I'm,fine,fine, just pretty sure I won't be able to have kids." Fitz continued down the elevator cables.

"How far is that drop?" Ally asked. I looked down. "oh about 2 feet" I estimated. Fitz climbed down the cables,jumping down to save Declan. "Tell me where it hurts" Declan shook his head,mumbling "uh uh"

"I'll save you!" Fitz yelled,and picked Declan up. "Why couldn't I have died?" Declan wined. Fitz pulled Declan onto his shoulders as they climbed up the elevator back into the hospital. "We've got ya" Drew and Adam said,as they pulled them up.

"Fuck!" Declan squinted as he held onto his dick. "I'll get ice" Ally said,and laughed the whole way to the ice machine. "It's called karma" I teased. "I deserved it" Declan muttered,taking the ice pack from Ally. "Now that there are no more surprises lets get the helk out of here!" Eli said, as we all walked out of the hospital,well most of us walked. Fitz carried Declan bridal style.

Declan's POV

"Some adventure" I muttered,as we all made it to the parking lot,where parked in front were 2 private jets. "Declan!" Fiona. "Oh my God!" She exclaimed. "Got the fuel,got the plane thanks to that emergency gps system mom installed,and you're apparently icing your junk in the arms of Fitz." She stretched her eyes at the site.

"It's a really long story." She smiled. "Well you're going to be grounded until you graduate medical school,so we'll have all the time in the world to talk about it." "So let's go!" Fiona motioned to the jet. "See ya!" I said,looking at Clare,not really knowing what else to say. Fitz, I and Fiona climbed into the the first jet.

"I'm going to take care of you,and little Declan." Fitz said,wrapping his arm around me. "So this is the fate that I'm dished out?" I cursed.

Eli's POV

"Some vacation" Clare said,taking my arm. "I didn't really think that much could happen in 3 days." Clare took out her digital camera. "I got memories of all of it" She said,as we all went towards the plane. "so next vacation,my back yard okay?" She giggled.

"Well we have to explain this to Cece,and bullfrog" I said. "that's going to be interesting" Clare said. "Allright,my feet are killing me." Ally said,walking onto the plane. "yah it's been crazy" Adam added. "I don't think I'll ever vacation with you guys again." Drew said. We all climbed onto the plane,and took off,falling asleep most of the way.

*** few hours later***

"Wake up Edwards" I said,gently shaking Clare to wake her. "We're home." "Just let me do all the talking" I said,as I made my way through the front door. "Ma!" I yelled. Her face was really mad. "Where where you Eli?" This was going to be hard to explain...

_"Well after you left for...Grandma's house. We all woke up not remembering anything,because well Fitz baked us crack cookies,and I woke up with a rich guy in my bed,Clare on the roof of the happy mart in a sleigh,half naked,where I apparentally fucked a reindeer,and Clare the rich guy who turned out to be her ex. Then Drew in my refrigerator,Adam not remembering who he was,and Fitz apparentally got married to the rich guy. So in order to get rid of the marriage Declan,the rich guy that was in my bed,made a deal with Fitz to take him on a honey moon to France,but he wouldn't go without us,cause he feared Fitz would rape him...so Clare why don't you take over?"_ I caught my breath.

"What happened to let me do all the talking?" Clare asked. "just continue..." I said aggravated.

_'"So We all tagged along to France,but our plane went down in a field in a deserted farm town called Alasce,where in exchange for a phone call Declan and Eli milked goats. We rode lawn mowers to a small strip barn,where I danced for french cash to pay for our food. Then Drew and Fitz were kidnapped by some kind of gangsters and well we went to help them,and Declan drugged Eli so he passed out on a donkey,and Then well I got sick,thought I was pregnant,then Fitz was mistaken for an escaped convent,and well the excaped convent threw Eli and I in a barn,and Ally and Adam went off for help,running into Declan,Drew and Fitz._

_Somewhere in there we tied Declan to a tree because well we thought he got me pregnant,but it was actually appendicitis,and then Eli locked Declan in the morgue,he freaked out told me he was still in love with me,then Eli got arrested,mistaken for Fitz's accomplice,and I sent Declan to bail him out,but he got arrested too,and then we misplaced Adam and Drew,where apparentally Adam was mugged by a french girl,and Drew was trapped in an elevator...and Eli scaled it to save him,but then Ally startled Declan and he fell down it,landing on his dick,and then we got in a plane and flew back here...I have pictures,wanna see?"_

My dad just stared at us and nodded. "That's some trip." He said,blowing out a breath. "What were you on?" He asked. "Cause I want a get me some of that." My mother nudged him. "Shut up Bull frog! What you did was completely irresponsible and stupid and illegal,and you're grounded,for a long time." My mother put her foot down. "but let me see those pictures" She took the camera from us. "Damn!" She exclaimed.

"Yah that's Eli passed out on the donkey." "and here we are at the strip bar,and that's Fitz and Declan happy together,and that's the hospital room after my surgery." Cece looked at Clare. "Are you allright?" She nodded. "You need to give us a few minutes to process this,and come up with a punishment big enough for this." Cece said,and walked off. "Got any more of those cookies?" Bull frog asked. I just rolled my eyes.

"Some trip,huh?" I asked,looking at Clare. "and it sucks,because nobody will believe us,but we knew it happened,and that's all that matters." Clare looked down at her bare hand. "I just wish I knew what happened to my ring." She said. "me too,Edwards." I scratched my head,as we went up the stairs.

"I think we have a lice kit,still" Clare teased. "It's not funny, I don't know where that donkey has been." Clare laughed.

_**to be continued...**_

_**Phew! That was a lot to write,but they're home now and safe and sound,well except for Declan,poor Declan. haha :)**_

_**review? :)**_


	38. Chapter 38

**Chapter 38 **

**Cruel & Unusual punishment**

Clare's POV

"Alright so we've thought long and hard about your punishment,and we've decided that you are going to go to school,go to work,and come home." Cece said,sitting down on the couch. "wa work?" I stuttered.

"yes,Clare you have decided to volunteer at the free clinic,talking to teens about the importance of birth control,and Eli you're working at the The giant Weiner,serving people hotdog's,dressed like one!" CeCe smiled. "Whoa,ma is that really necessary?" Eli asked,picking up his book bag. "Yes,considering you snuck out to another country behind our backs,yes it is very necessary" CeCe said,laughing.

"You start today." Cece handed me a brochure. "The importance of safe sex" I tucked it in my backpack. "And one for you Eli." She handed him an employee name card. "Hot burger?" Eli asked,his brows raised to a new height. "Well that's ironic" He said. "yup, cause you're the giant weiner." "thanks" Eli muttered. "I wonder what Adam and Ally got for this." Eli threw the name tag in his backpack. "well my boss is pretty cheap saying as he won't even pay for an employee name tag"

"Well I think it was worth it,for that crazy ass adventure." Eli smirked. "yeah,it seems that drama and hilarity follow us everywhere." He threw his bag in the backseat and walked around to his car door. "Hey man!" Adam called,walking with Drew. "Can we get a ride to school? Mom took our car away,our video games,computer,cell phone,ipod..." Eli nodded. "Well not as bad as us. We have school,work and that's it." Eli rolled his eyes. "Not as bad as what Ally got..." Drew started. "What happened to her?"

"She got shipped off to an all girl school,and well Declan and Fitz..." Adam handed me the newspaper. "Wedding announcements...Mark Fitzgerald & Declan Coyne tye the knot..." I pursed my lips together,unsure of what to say. "Well I'm glad they're happy." Eli said. "Declan's comment: He just could never love another girl as much as he did, his ex girlfriend,so he married Fitz." Adam rolled his eyes.

"I won't be surprised if one of them windes up dead." Adam raised his brows. "Declan's a total necrophiliac..." He whispered,climbing into Morty. "Oh and sorry I forgot to give you Clare's Christmas gift to you...I think we were all high out of our mind...so..." Adam handed Eli the nice little box. "Happy January 5" I said,and giggled. "Thanks baby" Eli said,opening the watch. "I love it :)" "aw,you two have cute little pet names." Adam teased.

"Well off to face school." I said,taking my seat next to Eli. We drove to Degrassi. "Mr Goldsworthy,any reason why you decided to extend your winter vacation?" I shook my head,and walked to my locker.

"nothing comes to mind..." Eli answered,and continued to his next class. "So then I'll see you two in detention...?" Mr Simpson asked. "actually I have to work today,so does Eli." I sat through my 7 classes,trying not to fall asleep at the lectures. Finally the bell rang and it was English.

I would get to see Eli before we both had to start our jobs today. "Ms Edwards,Mr Goldsworthy..." Ms Dawez raised her brows. "Wow." She took the 17 page assignment from us. "seventeen pages on how we spent our winter vacation,as requested." Eli said. "This is not a fiction assignment." I shook my head. "Oh trust me it's entirely true" Eli said,smirking behind his book.

"Alright,well take your seats then! The next assignment will be role reversal. Clare you will write as Eli,and Eli as Clare." Eli laughed. "shouldn't be too hard" He laughed. We sat through English class,jotting down ideas. _"Bring" _The bell rang. "Alright,so off to work" I said. Eli smirked. "yup,the giant weiner." I snickered. Eli dropped me off at a very plain beige building. "Well I'll see you at 9..." I said,and stepped out of the car.

I walked up the stone steps to the clinic. "Clare Edwards?" A lady asked. I nodded. "here is your id,and your name tag." _"Hi,I'm Clare talk to me about sex."_ I gulped at the name tag. "Okay" I smiled through my fear. "So your job is to talk to these young girls,answer their questions about pregnancy,sex and birth control..then hand out condoms,and try not to mix them up with these candy lifesavers. We don't want a repeat of the little boy who choked on one." I nodded.

"Okay,here's an office for you." I stepped into the small office,with diagrams of penis's everywhere. "I don't know if I'm qualified to talk to kids about sex,I believe in abstinence,actually I did,but then Eli showed up,and those beliefs kind of went out the window,um.." I was having a severe cause of verbal diarrhea. "ew" That sounds really bad.

"Well your references CeCe and Bullfrog said you were quite the expert..." I smiled. "Did they,now?" I said. "Well then,I'll be in here." I went into the office and sat down.

"Emma you can come in now..." The lady motioned for the girl to go into the room. I smiled,trying not to look creepy,or terrified of the 14 yr old. "Hi I'm Clare..." I smiled like Barney,_no Clare don't smile like Barney_. I quickly changed my expression.

"Yeah I read the tag,I'm supposed to talk to you about sex,so what experience do you have in that area?" I nodded. "I'm sexually active." I whispered. "oh I see" She said. 'So I'm going to tell you my problems and you're going to give me condoms because I'm too embarrassed to buy them." I picked up the question sheet.

"Okay,um are you hundred percent sure of your decision to have sex?" The girl nodded. "Why else would I be here!" I motioned for her to keep her voice down. "Is it your first time?" I asked. She shook her head. "11th" I gulped. "um maybe you'd like some information about the pill." She shook her head. "not really" I bit my nail nervously. "okay,then." The girl rolled her eyes and took a bunch of condoms. "Well this is going to be interesting." I mumbled.

Another girl walked in. She picked her head up. "_yo'_ " She said. "Hi I'm..." I started. "I really don't care,so you some kind of Christian telling me sex is bad and Jesus is good?" I shook my head. "yes I'm Christian,but I'm not here to push my beliefs down your throat."

_"Okay,then tell me what is the best position out there?"_ I gulped.  
"um the over...under" I said. _"I'm more of the doggy type_" She said. I wrote down her concerns,and handed her condoms. I took a sip of water as another girl walked in.

_"So,here's my problem I keep trying to dangle off my boyfriends bed but the blood rushes to my head and I pass out,how do I prevent that?"_ I gulped. _This job was horrible._

_"So here's my issue. I need a condom the exact color of my outfit or I will freak out,cause I'm the color coordinated type OCD,but they don't make them in those colors ya know?" _I gulped again,my eyes open like bottle caps.

_"My vibrator just keeps running out of charge,and I mean it says on the box it will give you 5+ orgasms." _I gulped.

_"My boyfriend wants me to act like I'm a cop and like handcuff him." _I rolled my eyes. "been there" I said,and looked down.

"please take some condoms,they're free!" That was my response for almost every problem that came to me.

"ha ha" I giggled nervously,wishing the day was over.

Eli's POV

I walked out dressed like a fuckin hotdog. I prayed nobody would recognize me,just what I needed. "Hey look it's an emo hotdog!" I probably should of washed my eyeliner off. "Did you get over cooked on the grill,and burn your buns!" _Don't hurt him,he's a customer,the customer is always right._

"Welcome to the Giant Weiner,I'm your friendly dog Eli." I hate that they make me say that. "Hey look it's a giant dick!" I really hoped I didn't hear that. "Fitzy boy" I said,turning around,my face a near scowl. "Aren't you supposed to be on your honey moon?"

"Well sadly after I put our marriage announcment in the paper... Declan told me he didn't want to be married to me,then ran off with some chick,so I'm just eating away my sorrows." I gulped. "oh shit "I thought. "Well good luck with that." I put my note pad in my suit and walked off. "You have really hairy legs,like a spider" I tried to ignore his comments.

"Hey boy,you're so big and meaty." I rolled my eyes. "I have a fiance" I said,and walked off. "Nice buns!" I clenched my jaw,trying not to say anything.

Clare's POV

"Uhh,no,no honey those aren't candy!" I swiped the condoms away from the child,making her cry. "Well at least you're going to grow up to be safe. "I said,and walked back into my office. I hated how most of these problems made me think about having sex with Eli...

"Hi I'm Clare,and..." I gulped. "KC" I said. "You're giving advice to sexually active teenagers?" I tried to hide my embarrassment. "What are you doing here?" He smiled. "Jenna's baby daddy,remember?" I nodded. "it's just a job." I said. "Hey! you the girl who tells me the best roll player games?" A girl interrupted our conversation. I rolled my eyes. "step into my office" I said.

_"So It's wierd,but I have this weird obsession I like to dress up like a fairy everytime I fuck?"_ I bit my lip,and nodded nervously. _"I mean it makes me feel like a princess with fairy dust." _I nodded,again,giving the girl free condoms and sending her on her fluttering way.

"_So I've always secretly wanted a penis,I mean what do you think of that? I thought maybe it would be fun to have one,cause then I could bounce up and down,playing paddle ball_. " My mouth dropped open,as I wished I was somewhere else.

"uhh..." I started,tapping my feet nervously. "free condoms?" I asked. I laid back on the chair. "KC there you are!" Jenna saw me. "Wow,Clare bear,I'm shocked to see you here." I nodded. "you're not the only one" I said under my breath. "So,guess what!" I jumped up,not very enthusiastically. "Kc popped the question,we're engaged!" She shouted. I screamed,but it was more like a _"wow that's insane" _scream. She showed me the ring,and I stopped suddenly.

"Aquamarine?' I asked. "You're born in May..." I said. "oh well we're getting an emerald put in it." Jenna said. I stopped,and looked at KC. "right" I said,trying my best not to attack him. "Eli asked me to marry him,but for some reason I lost my ring..." I looked at KC when I said this. He of course looked away. "Well come on Jenna, you need your rest." He said,pulling Jenna out the door. "that's KC for you always so considerate."

He turned around giving me a cold evil stare. A girl ran in..."umm...my boyfriend wanted me to tell you that you gave us a...lifesavers!" I gulped,as I ran into the waiting room.

"Why couldn't they have gummy bears!" I yelled,finding the dish empty. "Great now a bunch of children brought home condoms" I fretted,my face falling into my hands.

Eli's POV

"Listen you ordered the chili dog,I can not be held responsible for you uncontrollable bowel syndrome,so you're cleaning up this bathroom,not me!" I threw the mop at the customer,and walked off.

"I served 400 hotdog's today,and about half the girls hit on me,making some comment about my buns!" I yelled. "I quit!" I said. The man shook his head. "Nope,bullfrog says you work here a year. I can't fire you,and you can't quit."

"Can I set this place on fire? Then will you fire me?" I asked. "Nope,Bullfrog said you'd threaten that,you're pretty much screwed." My manager said,walking away. I thought a minute. "Clare" I said,smirking and headed across the street to the free clinic.

"Eli!" Clare said. "What's going on?" She asked. "Well I'm trying to quit my job,but they wont let me and they're not fireing me,so I need you to help me lose my job." She smiled. "and how would I do that?" I smirked. "Wendy..."

A strange girl interrupted us. "See I told you 5 plus orgasms. I'm not blind." I laughed. "use that enough,and you will get that way." I took a condom out of a dish.

"I wasn't talking to you Horny Hot dog!" I rolled my eyes. "Eli,what are you doing? I have like another hour of work." Clare whispered. I didn't care. I pulled her out the building into the girls bathroom of my work place. "Eli,we can't just have sex,you're dressed like a hotdog."

"Calm down Edwards,they give me a door so I can pee,or fuck my girlfriend." She smiled. "good point..." We kissed furiously. She climbed onto my hotdog suit.

"I'm hump ing a hot dog" Clare said,I grunted. "It sounds so sexy when you say it like that." I laughed. "Now Scream loud and make it convincing." Clare rolled her eyes. "Okay..."

"Oh Eli,you're so hot,you're such a dog,more more!" I smirked. "Elijah!" My manager walked in. "What are you doing?" I laughed. "humping my girlfriend dressed like a hotdog...you?" My manager hid his eyes and walked off. "I'm calling Bullfrog." he said.

"Oh Eli...seriously this is soo good." Clare purred. "Whoa!" Someone walked in. "You're the girl from the free clinic!" Clare turned her head to face the wall.

"And you give me helk for my roll player games,when obviously you're some kind of freak!" She smiled. "I misjudged you." The girl went on.

"Can't a hotdog get some privacy?" I said,shutting the door. "Sorry,but the other bathroom is ocupiedo,and I figure since I married a guy,I can use this one.." I gulped Fitz! He covered his face laughing. "Can I get you some ketchup,relious?" I rolled my eyes. "Out!" I said.

_**to be continued...**_

_**There you go,an early update,normally I'd get this up Friday,but since I'm feeling under the weather,you get it early.**_

_**reviews are nice :)**_

_**xoxo**_


	39. Chapter 39

**Chapter 39**

**The Spin Cycle**

_**Sorry for the l8te update,so here's a super long chapter to make up for it :) Hope you have a lovely New Years Eve hehe x3**_

Eli's POV

My mother stared at me,the most angry stare out there. She crossed her arms,as I walked in the door. "I got a call that a customer treated herself to a free hotdog ride. From a horn dog apparentally..." I smirked. "yup,and she loved every minute of it."

I set my backpack down. "Eli,you do realize that what you did could be mistaken for indecent behavior?" I rolled my eyes. "Technically it was in a private place." I laughed."The handicapped bathroom!" She yelled,and I laughed cause _well let's face it,I'm an insensitive jackass_. _"sarcasm_" "This isn't funny!" My mother warned.

"okay,sorry" She rolled her eyes. "Since you like sex soo much Elijah,you're going to educate teens about it!" She yelled. "the free clinic?" I asked. She nodded. "_damn"_  
"And while your at it,go to the laundromat and wash your clothes! They smell like goat!" She threw the large laundry basket at me and a bottle of downy. I rolled my eyes. "Forest pine,just what I need to smell like a tree."

"Going on a laundry run?" Clare asked. I nodded. She picked up a small wicker basket. "Can I join you?" I nodded,as we went out the door. "Careful with my delicates" Clare snapped. "Of course,I'll be careful with your grannie panties." Clare rolled her eyes. "I mean it! I don't want to catch you and Bullfrog dropping them from the balcony anymore, just to see if they fly." Clare scolded.

"Hey,They are so roomy,they could get 10 plastic army men safely to the ground." Clare raised her eyebrows,dropping the laundry basket in the back. We drove a good 5 minutes.

"I wonder how to get the goat smell out of this jacket."I said and tossed the jacket into the basket,revealing my toned arms. Clare hid her expression behind her hand,but I could tell that made her nervous. She scooped up her basket. "Aren't you going to be cold? It's nearly february." I smirked. "I'm cold blooded." She smiled,pulling me into the laundromat. We walked over the black and white tiled floor.

"It's packed in here" I said,and pulled her into the back room. I then stole a key off the wall and locked us in there. "Eli what are you doing?" Clare questioned. She threw her clothes into a machine,and put coins in turning the dial. A lightbulb came over me,as the machine started to shake and sudz up. Hmm maybe not a lightbulb,_but you get it... *mwhahahaha*_

Clare's POV

Eli stared at me like I was a piece of fried chicken. He licked his lips and raised his brows at me. "What?" I asked. He motioned towards the washing machine. I didn't get it,and went back to the fabric softners. He rolled his eyes,then picked me up,sitting me on the machine.

"Eli,what are you doing?" I asked. He turned the machine up,and I giggled,as we broke into a kissing frenzy. "No need to waste 45 minutes." He turned the dial up higher. "Eli..." I thought,as the machine started going faster and faster.

"Do you have to turn everything into something sexual?" I whispered to him. He nodded,and kissed my neck. "Oh" This felt really good.

"Oh" I reached out for the white iron rack behind me,swinging it off the wall ,dropping the bottles of detergent on the floor. "Now you know why the snuggle bear is so happy." Eli whispered seductively. I rolled my eyes. "You're horrible,Eli." I warned,before hopping up,and pulling him against the wall. Then there was lots of kissing.

We broke apart as the washing machine started jumping out of control. "Eli did you put too much soap in it?" Eli laughed. "It probably just jizzed itself." he smirked. I quickly turned the machine off,as the suds filled up the small room. "This just turns me on more" Eli said as we tumbled to the ground and rolled around in the suds.

"Eli,you have a ..." I stopped him smearing suds on him. "We just can't keep our hands off each other." Eli laughed,pulling me back. I reached for the bottle of fabric softner,feeling his boner poking me. "Here's some fabric softner." I laughed,standing up,pulling the sudz off me.

"Is everything alright in there?" Someone shook on the door. "yah you have a faulty door!" Eli snickered. "Well I'm going to get in this wash in cold water only machine." Eli blushed "Bzzz" The washing machine sounded and I threw the clothes into the dryer.

We made out again,covered in soapy bubbles. "Bzzz" I opened the top of the dryer,my eyes bugging out of my head. "Eli!" I scolded him. "Your black boxers dyed everything black!" I looked down at my blouses and pants,giving him a stare. "In my defense,You look good in that color." I rolled my eyes. "I'm marrying into the Adam's family." I snarked,picking up the black clothes and throwing them into the wicker basket.

Eli's POV

***The next day***

"So two goths are going to tell me why I should have safe sex,that's something you don't see everyday." I picked up a clipboard,as I comfortably swung my feet over the table. "Let's see here,are you sure about your descision to have sex? Will you regret this after?" I rolled my eyes and dropped the clipboard in the trash.

"Look,I'm here because well...I snuck out of the house with my fiance to a foreign country,got arrested,mistaken for an international convent...yah you don't need to know the details." My voice dropped into a low chuckle.

"Here's what you do,just take this condoms and use them,because if you and him were to have a kid together. It would most likely grow up with buck teeth and warts,and you don't want that!" I exclaimed,as Clare hit me on the arm. "What my partner..." She mumbled. "Here means,is you don't want to have a baby at 15,because well it hurts."

She smiled a cheesy grin,picking the clipboard out of the trash. "Eli you can't insult the teenagers." Eli rolled his eyes. "Edwards,do you see what some of these people look like? Makes me wonder if they are taking condoms to create the illusion that they are getting some,when in reality,nerds have seen more action then them." Clare pulled me by the ear. "owgh,owgh,owgh" I said.

"Relax,we'll be out of here soon enough,when people realize we're not qualified to tell people not to have sex. Mr Simpson would be more qualified to tell them not to have sex." She rolled her eyes. "Hey,is it true you got the condoms and candy lifesavers mixed up and a bunch of kids ran out with condoms?" Clare looked away,embarresed. "Can you imagine your parents having to tell you,No, no sweetheart don't play with those fruity balloons!" Clare slugged me. "Just do your job" She said,and walked off with the clipboard.

I waited in that small room,stareing at the ceiling and playing with my shoelace. "diagram of the average penis" I looked at the statue. "That's average?" I questioned,and dropped the thing on the ground,breaking it in half. "That's better" I snickered.

"Hey so,I need advice." I stared at the extremely short kid walking into my office,imagining one of those 1930's private eye movies. "He walked into my office on a cold winters early evening,I could tell he was in deed a dork." I didn't realize I narrated that outloud,oops.

"So you going to make fun of my braces,my acne and two left feet or you gonna help me?" I dropped my feet off the table and stared at the kid. "I'm supposed to tell you,not to have sex,but looking at you,you could use some." I threw condoms at the boy,and he flinced. "I'm gay" I shot my eyes open. "oh" I said.

"I'm not really qualified to answer that,saying as I'm not gay." The boy rolled his eyes at me. "With all do respect you're wearing skinny pants,guy liner and..." I raised my brows. "Whoa,don't be checking me out!" I said,and the kid put his hands up. "No harm there dude,you're not my type." I was feeling insulted.

"Am I not pretty enough,bud?" I was feeling pretty low at that moment. "Eli!" Clare walked in. "Come with me" Clare said,and directed the boy to another room. I looked in a mirror,I found in one of these lovely grey metal doors. "Please,I'm gorgeous,that kid is blind!" I said,and went back to playing with my shoes.

"Hey" Another kid approached the "teen talk" room. "Hold it right there,don't take another step unless you're straight." The guy raised his eyebrows. "I have a girlfriend,I swear!" I nodded. "Then take a seat." I directed.

"okay,so I need to grow my willy another inch or so." I raised my eyebrows. "uh huh,well you could duck tape it to a wall,and walk backwards,it will probably slap you in the face though." I suggested. "No,I've been taking these" He shook a bottle of children's vitamins,flinstones to be exact. I nodded,trying not to break out laughing.

"vitamin C,and more,well that's the right stuff,you should see results soon,if not then well call the company and complain! Man!" I raised my eyebrows,once again trying to hold back laughter.

"okay,well thanks." The kid got up and walked away. "thank God!" I said. I spoke to soon,a bunch of wierdos walked into the room. "I can't find it anywhere!" This kid frantically searched his body. "Hate to break it to you,but your virginity is long gone." The boy laughed.

"Not that,I can't even find my pee nis." This job is going to give me wrinkles,I swear. I raised my eyebrows. "Well,did you try calling it?" The kid looked down. "you're in the right area,it's only a matter time before you notice it,unless your blind,unable to feel, or a vampire." That gave him such comfort.

"And when you find it,we'll throw you a party,_yup I can see it now_... Congratulations to the biggest idiot on the planet!" I smirked,and he walked out upset.

"I can't find my..." I fell back on my chair and yawned. "let me guess you can't find your bajingo?" The girl looked at me disgusted. "I'm a man!" I caught my breath and burst out laughing. The guy walked away,insulted,upset and with a shit load of condoms.

"How ya doing Sid Vicious?" I said,laughing. "The 80's called they want their hair back." I put down my imaginary phone,as the guy just stared at me. "I have a problem." He said,chewing on a toothpic. I nodded. "oh you bet ya" I replied.

"I hooked up with this chick and found out she was pregnant,okay well she's trying to make her boyfriend believe it's his kid,but I know it's mine and I don't know what to do." I lifted my brows for the 100th time today. "That really sucks. It's a good thing you're not Declan."

He raised his eyebrow. "I need help here." I smirked. "okay,here's what you do. You wait for her to pop out the kid,right? Then you look at the kid and look at you,but wait a few minutes or hours,cause it takes a while for them to open their eyes. Okay then you look at the kid and you look at you,and if you look like,said kid,tell someone!" He smirked. "I could of got better advice on yahoo answers." I laughed.

"not my problem,have a nice day" I waved him off. "Hey" I pondered my thoughts,when I heard a tiny voice enter the room. "Take a seat." This kid was no older than 12. She reminded me of a very tiny Clare.

"What seems to be troubling you? Candy?" I waved the bowl past her face. She looked very sad. "My boyfriend,forced himself on me." My expression dropped. "have you told anyone?" I asked. She nodded. "yup,that's why I'm here." I could literally feel my heart breaking,or maybe it was these candies in my hand,I was crushing.

I couldn't help,but see her sad blue eyes,and think I have to do something. This kid could be my future kid,if anyone hurt my daughter like that,I'd kill him! "Where is he! I'm going to kill him!" I yelled,causing Clare to walk over to me. "Eli! Is there a problem,here?" She asked. The girl raised her hand. "my boyfriend forced himself on me." Clare's eyes shot open.

"Oh my God,I'm so sorry." Clare and I looked at each other. "Why did you come to the free clinic?" She asked. The girl opened her purse and said. "I don't get allowance anymore,and I figured I might as well get condoms cause he said he'd do it again." Clare pulled her out of the room.

"Oh my God" She said,and sat down with the girl in the waiting area.

"Well that's fricken depressing, soap opera. "I mumbled,trying to keep myself from killing that little kids boyfriend. I watched Clare walk into the backroom with the crying little girl,as another girl walked into my office.

"Jenna?" She was crying. "Can I offer you some..." I put the bowl down,realizing it was too late for condoms. "wow" I said. "My boyfriend KC thinks this is his baby and he wants to marry me. He gave me this lovely ring." She waved the ring past my face,as I clentched my jaw.

"I'm going to give him a lovely ring around his neck!" I said,standing up. "What's wrong?" She asked. "That's the ring,I asked Clare to marry me with!" She looked down. "No,KC got this at a fine jeweler." I reached in my pocket. "Nope,I have a reciept." She rolled her eyes. "um this is a wash and dry reciept for the cleaners." I nodded,and took out my cellphone.

"There,see that's the ring right there. I need it back." I raised my eyebrows. "I don't know..." She said hesitantly. "Give me the ring,or I'll shave your head." _That's a good ultimatium right there_. She looked shocked. "with what?" She asked. I picked up a pencil sharpner,and she dropped the ring on my desk.

"Pleasure doing business with you." I snarked as she left the room,crying. "What was Jenna doing here?" I put the ring on the table. "Oh" Clare said. "She must of known something was wrong,you know she's born in June. "Clare tapped her feet. "May" She said. "but I'm glad you got it back, I was thinking of every possible way to steal it,but she's a very light sleeper." I laughed,and Clare put the ring on her finger. "I've missed you" She said,smiling.

"Hey I need advice..." I turned to see Adam! "Whoa!" He said,and sat down on the chair. "I could of just called you." I rolled my eyes. "Please don't tell anyone,I work here."

"secrets safe with me,man..." I nodded. "so what advice do you possibly need from a free clinic?" He looked down at the bowl. "Well I won't be needing those...that's for sure..." He said. "So how was you day,here?" I looked around.

"12 gay guys,10 kids who didn't know how to use a condom. I had fun flicking em at them. Then some freaks,some nerds, a kid who didn't know where to find his pecker,and a girl who was taken advantage of,that looked like a mini Clare."

Adam's eyebrows raised. "How could he not find his..."

"It was hiding from him,and I don't blame it." I answered.

"Well I have a similar problem. I'm losing my virginity to a girl tonight..." My eyebrows almost hit my hair line. "wow" I huffed.

_**to be continued...**_

_**5 review,or hehe how bout 11 for 2011?**_

_**No,nothing...haha I tried x3**_


	40. Chapter 40

**Chapter 40**

**Mr &Mrs Insensitive**

**Disclaimer: I don't own teletubbies,but did write that teletubbie fan fiction for fitz. Oh and I don't own Fitz,or any degrassi characters cause that would be weird ,dark and twisted. yeah yeah you get it,okay read on...**

Eli's POV

"Eli!" My mother screamed. "Why are you home at 11 o'clock at night?" Her eyes rolled into a rude stare. "I,uh." She rolled her eyes. "Don't even." She threw her hands up. "Clare,care to explain?"

"see it's like this. We went to work,and then some suicidal teens came in,so Eli and I spent 3 extra hours,trying to convince them not to kill themselves." My mother looked worried. 'uh,okay" She turned around quickly and headed to the kitchen. "Eli,telling a guy it's okay,just don't do it in front of us,is not the right thing to say in a time of crisis." Clare held her forehead. "I don't know what to do with you!" She yelled loudly. I scooted closer to her,grabbing her hips. "Not what I meant Eli!" Clare yelled.

"You're so insensitive,and a horn dog!" She wined. "What do you want me to do,Clare?" I asked. She rolled her eyes. "I don't even know." She said. "Do you want me to take a class to get in touch with my emotions or something?" Clare's eyes glimmered. "now that's an idea" She said. "Me and my big mouth!" She rolled her eyes. "I'm going to sleep." She announced. "I'm not going to a sensitive seminar!" I stood my ground.

***the next day***

_I can't believe I'm here._

"Sensitivity training and Anger management" I looked at the door that led to a gymnasium. _I can't believe Degrassi offers this course._

"Hi my name is Eli. My fiance says I'm insensitive and a horn dog." I put my hand up,as a circle of people looked at me. "Hi Eli!" They all said together. "great a cult" I said. I got a few stares. "guess I really am insensitive." I put my hands in my pockets,and sat on the chair. "Sorry I'm late" I heard the door crash behind me,as loud familiar footsteps approached me. _Fitz!_

"damn" I muttered. "Hey look it's Eli!" Fitz said,and took a seat. "Welcome Fitz!"_ There's that cult again... _I rolled my eyes. "Alright,lets try an exercise we're going to dig deep to find our deep feelings and let them out." I looked away. "You want me to...?"

The instructor looked at me. "cry,Eli. What makes you cry?" I thought a moment. "onions..." I said,raising an eyebrow. "Okay,no that's good. I want you to think about onions until you whimper." The instructor instructed. I thought a minute. "yeah I don't think so.."

"Fitz why don't you show us how it's done?" Fitz nodded. "My fiance left me for a girl!" He started to whimper and hit the chair in front of him. "oh boy" I said. "What about movies? Do movies make you cry?" I shook my head. "not that I can recall..."

"When's the last time you really had a good cry?" I looked around. "I've freaked out,just don't cry." The instructor thought a moment. "alright,lets try this. We're all going to share our stories and you're going to answer with the first thing that comes to your mind." I nodded.

"I married a boy against his will,and I know now it was wrong,but I really did love him,I swear." Fitz cried,and I rolled my eyes,and then laughed. "_My mother ran off with an exotic dancer,and never came back." _Again I laughed.

_"My dad jumped off a roof with a broom,thinking he could fly. He didn't make it." _I chuckled. "Wow,idiot." Everyone looked at me,like _excuse me?_

"sorry" The instructor took a breath. "alright let's try a trust exercise."

Clare's POV

"look I'm really sorry about my fiance,and what he said to you." I looked at the boy in the hospital bed. "It's fine,he didn't make me do this,I promise." I smiled sweetly and left for work._ If he keeps this up,then I can't marry him..._

"So,finally seeing how completely ..." I stopped Adam. "you don't even have to say it. I'm just so mad. I mean I don't have a problem with most of things he does,but sometimes I just wish he was more understanding,you know?" I picked up the clipboard.

"maybe I'm rushing into this..." Adam said. "You've been dating Fiona what a week or two?" He nodded at my angry tone. "I'm so sorry,Adam." I said,and walked back to the 'teen talk' room.

"maybe it will look good on a college application." I sighed. "I'm interested in painful sex!" My face fell to my desk. "you know bondage,whips and chains?" Again my face dropped to my desk,as I shook my head. "I want the whole Zeana warrior princess thing." I lazily threw condoms at the girl and wished that the day was over,but I ended up staying overtime,as one of the secretaries had to leave unexpectedly.

Eli's POV

I jumped up from the chair. "I'm not falling into Fitz's arms." I warned. "alright Eli,lets try something new. Fitz why don't you share your escape,how do you break away from your anger?"

He smiled. "I like to write fluffy fan fiction." My eyebrows went up. "Okay..." I started. "Would you like to share a piece of your fan fiction?" Some requested. Fitz nodded and began to read a story. _Somebody kill me,now_

_"The sun with a baby peeped out of the dark sky. It smiled and laughed as some idiotic polka music started to play and 4 monster looking aliens,jumped up and started dancing,opening credits introducing them."_

_"Say hello!" The 4 dosey doed around the green grass,as a strange intercom came out of the ground. It looked like a shower head,and everyone knew Po was probably going to get it on with it,because well she didn't have a boyfriend and was extremely lonely. Fans blew everywhere,probably cause it was so hot in those fricken costumes._

_La la stood up first,as she eyed dipsy,and the strange intercom announced. "Time for tella tubbie fuck time,time for telle tubbie fuck time."_

_Lala smiled as she blinked her extremely long eye lashes. "ech oh?" She asked,looking at Dipsy. Po covered her eyes,as the two teletubbies ran into a routy game of four play. "Echohhh." Dipsy reached Lala's sensitive spot,as her tummy tv screen showed dirty porn and tonds of people in costumes doing each other._

_She giggled,as they rolled on the green plastic grass. "yippee!" Lala exclaimed,as she rode that strange stick on top of Dipsy's head. "keep going" She said in a strange baby voice. "oh you like baby talk,don't ya?" Dispy laughed,and then stroked his alien antenna in and out of Lala._

_"ech ooo!" She moaned. Po got on her scooter and drove away. Tinkie Winkie gave a disgusted look and walked off into the fake plastic forest._

"Oh Dear God!"

Everyone's mouth stood open,mine including. "uh..." I tried to get a word in,and tried to slowly sink in my chair and get to the exit,but Fitz had his hand on my lap. I moved my eyes down,trying to keep calm.

_"the end"_ I caught my breath. "I have others of teledeclan and tele fitz but Ms Kawn says they aren't appropriate." Fitz spoke.

" Well, I'm out of here." I'm not sitting through any more teletubbie smut."

"How does that make you feel?" The instructor asked Fitz. "Well,It's something I'm passionate about. It makes me happy,and giddy,and if any of you tell anyone I will kill you! Capeesh?" Fitz answered. His tone sounded like a wff wrestler now. _"How did everyone like it?"_

"Don't say anything insensitive Eli." The only thought going through my head. "it's um interesting." I said. "I love it!" A girl stood up and clapped. I could tell she was half drunk or something. "Very good Fiona. How are you dealing without alcohol?" She smiled,and bit her thumb nail nervously. "It's fine,I have a new hobby now,painting..." She scoffed. "body painting." My eyebrows went up. "and a supportive boyfriend,Adam." My eyes shot open.

"How are your anger problems?" Some one asked. They just received a nod. "better,much better." She bit her thumb nail again,and it really started to irritate me. "Can you just stop!" I stood up and yelled. She eyed me,and stood up also. "What did you say?" _Right,next time don't get anger management student angry..._

She freaked out and started throwing metal chairs everywhere. I ducked,as the instructor tried to calm her down. "Let's get out of here emo buddy!" Fitz said,and before I could protest... He threw me over his back and ran out of the building with me. "somebody help me!" I yelled.

"I have one of teleEli..." My eyes shot open. "Look we've been over this. I'm engaged! I'm not gay! you're an idiot and you look like Sasquatch!" Fitz turned away with a tear. "oh shit" I said. _I made Sasquatch cry._ "I'm an emotional bully,who lost the love of his life,twice." He looked at the sidewalk. "You know what my mama used to tell me?" He asked.

"She told me when life gets tough,put one foot in front of the other,cause soon you'll be walking across the floor. Put one put in front of the other,and soon you'll be walking out the door." I blew out a breath. "oh boy,uh Fitz...the island of misfit toys,probably not the best advice to give someone." I scratched my head. "You're a good ..." I really don't have anything nice to say.

"writer?" I questioned myself... "and you're going to find another guy who will love teletubbie fuck time just as much as you." I can't believe I just said that. "That was really kind,Eli." He smiled. "maybe sensitivity training paid off." I said,and started back to Morty.

"You should try it,fanfiction,get over being insensitive." Fitz suggested,causing Eli to roll his eyes and go back to his car.

Clare's POV

"For the last time! It doesn't matter what color you use as long as you use one!" I stood up from my chair and walked to the exit. "I'm sorry. I quit!" I yelled,and no one heard me cause it was after hours! I can't do this anymore. This job is not for me.

"What are you quitting?" I turned around to see Declan looking as handsome as ever. "Hi. What are you doing here?" I said casually,as I picked up my clipboard. "So you work here?" He glanced at my ugly lab coat and the colored condoms in my pocket.

"um for punishment." I answered. "I see you got your ring back." He abruptly changed the subject. "yeah,KC stole it and gave it to Jenna." I scratched my head. "So,out of curiosity what are you doing in the free clinic?" He widdled the clipboard out of my hands. "What else? I'm here to volunteer.' I nodded. "okay,well good luck with that,cause I quit!" I announced,picking up my jacket.

"at least show me the ropes?" I nodded. "sit in that room,and talk to people about there idiotic problems! sexual problems and prepare yourself,literally. Then shower them with condoms !" I scoffed,receiving an eye roll. "idiotic problems,that doesn't sound like you..." He stated.

"yeah well volunteering here,doesn't sound like you,so what gives?" I watched his chest rise. "It's either this or picking up trash on the highway..." I giggled. "you'd be better to pick up trash." He smiled strangely,and went into the teen room,as a teenage boy walked in the door.

"Hey,I'm Declan. What's your name?" He looked at the kid in front of him. "Trevor, and you don't have to talk to me like a baby. I'm 14." Declan nodded.

"Tell me about her?" De clan handled the situation calmly and professionally,and respected the kids feelings. He didn't make fun or judged. He...*_snap out of it,Clare*_

I grabbed my jacket. "Where was I going again?" I thought a minute. "Oh shit!" I closed my eyes.

"Why not wait for someone you truly love buddy? And hopefully after you're done waiting,and screwed it up. Then fate so much drops you in front of a car and then to the roof of the happy mart. Try not to take advantage of that situation."

He smiled at me,and handed the boy a condom. The kid got up and walked out. "Do you want to get some frozen yogurt?" He asked. I turned around. "I'd love too,but I have a fiance" I said. Declan smiled,as he put the phone down.

"I'm on the phone with my girlfriend." My heart sank,and it really shouldn't because I'm engaged. Yes I'm engaged. "right,well I was just thinking about how wonderful it was that they can not only make yogurt,yogurty but also...frozen ee."

I rambled. I stuttered. I'm in trouble. I bit my lip,and ran to the computer in front of me. "I mean you're more than welcome to come with me and Lila." He glanced at the plant in front of me. _He totally just made up a name._

"No,I'm not the 3'd wheel type." I said that out loud,causing him to raise his eyebrows. "Why did I say that?" Declan laughed,as he touched my arm,in a sort of_ seductive get in my bed _kind of way.

"No,No this is evil tempting me. Just like daddy and mom's divorce. They want me to give in and cheat with you. They want me to lose Eli and I won't." I put my finger out. _I won't. I won't. _I kept repeating to myself. "We both know you're going to give in." He said,sure of himself,as he leaned over the desk,and his lips grazed my neck,and he climbed over the desk.

I gritted my teeth. "This is wrong." I said,as my chair with wheels was pushed into the copy room,and Declan and I frolicked on the copy machine. We just kissed a lot...nothing more.

"Clare!" I shut the lights off,hoping Adam would go away. "Clare,come on! I know you're hear,turn the lights back on!"

"Clare! I need to talk to you about Fiona!" Adam swung the door open and saw the buttons of my blouse open and my hair a mess. "Declan was just helping me change the toner." I said nervously.

Adam shook his head at me disgusted,as I hopped off the machine. "You cheated on your fiance!" Adam yelled. I motioned for him to keep it down. "What happened?" He looked at Declan.

"I can't believe you fell into his man trap of fluffed up hair and old spice." I covered my face. "I feel terrible. I'm a terrible person." "yeah well Eli's on his way up here. So I suggest you quickly sew your buttons back up,and get the snarls out of your hair." Again,I covered my face.

"Please don't tell him." Adam looked down. "I haven't decided,weather or not I'm going to tell him or not..." "You knew better,and you tried to poison him!" Adam pulled on his hair angrily,trying to keep himself from killing him.

"Okay what happened here,doesn't leave this room. Clare has a fiance,and I should not of tempted her like that. Even though it barely took any effort." He smiled,slyly.

"Right,exactly. Nobody tell anyone!" Declan walked into the supply closet and Eli walked into the room,not noticing. "I mean I shouldn't of been so stupid. you wouldn't volunteer after hours!" Eli walked in the room. "Hey,Edwards ready to go home?" I nodded and walked out with him. "What happened to your hair?"

"a little kid got really mad at me for stealing his lifesavers away." I lied,and Eli didn't seem to notice,as I slipped Adam the keys to lock up.

Adam's POV

"What gall you have!" I banged my fists against the door,as Declan walked out. "You really going to try to split Clare and Eli up?" He nodded. "yup and if it keeps going as this rate. Clare will be mine,faster than you can say marry me." He smirked satisfied.

"Well,I know you kissed her. I know you tempted her,and I know where you live!" Declan rolled his eyes. "I mean did you really think I'd give up that easily?" I shook my head.

"I was really hoping Fitz would hold you hostage for a while." I admitted. "Next time don't tell my sister you went to the free clinic where Clare works. This is your fault." I smacked my lips.

"No it really isn't. You're the devious twisted,jealous ex that everyone writes about in songs."

"and you're the jealous best friend,who didn't get the girl." I shot my eyes open angrily. "I do not like Clare that way." He strutted with his hands in his pocket.

"That's not what I heard,again don't confide things in Fiona if you don't want it to get back to me..." He warned.

"Here's the door,you better use it." Declan urged. I rolled my eyes. "Well here's my foot,and look there's your ass!" I kicked him hard.

_**to be continued...**_

_**Okay there you go 40! Only cause odd numbers upset me for some reason :) 41 will be up closer to valentine's day,maybe sooner hehe :)**_

_**Heart will be up sometime next week,and inner addiction sometime next week :)**_

_**Review hehe :)**_


	41. Chapter 41

**Hello,**

**I know I said closer to valentine's day,but strange inspiration hit me,actually it was the movie moonlit desire :) So yah,hope you like :) 9 more chapters guys,and then I'll decide if I want to continue it after the wedding...did I say wedding? I meant...shedding,dreading,ending... hmm well close enough. "ending" yup that's my story and I'm sticking to it. I'm done rambling,promise...okay :) enjoy!**

**Chapter 41 **

**Let the games begin**

Clare's POV

"No! No!" I tossed and turned,as the car came straight for me,and I couldn't break the car. The head lights shined in my window,as the loud sound of the horn motioned for me to move,and I couldn't. I panicked,I froze as everything went in slow motion,covering my face as it hit me.

I heard the sound of jingling bells and harps around me,as I was standing on a cloud,and 2 angels stood out side a beautiful gold gate. I caught my breath,as the male angel looked me up and down and wrote with a feather pen. "Clare Edwards,we'll straight A student,good samaritan,perfect,caring...wait a second..."

The man stopped ,looking through a rolled up scroll. "Did you make out intensively with Declan Coyne when you were engaged?" I nodded,cause well it was heaven and you couldn't lie there,they'd know. The 2 angels shook their heads,and pushed a reject button. then I dropped from a cloud,screaming as I fell from the sky.

"No!" I yelled,as I flipped over the bed and onto the floor. "Edwards?" Eli asked,walking in with a cup of tea. "nightmare,again? That's the 3' d one tonight,what's bothering you?" I shook my head. "I think I need to stop eating midnight snacks."

Eli's POV

_"Ding Dong"_ I looked at my watch. "Who the hell is at the door at 3 in the fricken morning?" I grabbed a bat from behind the door and went down the steps as Clare fell asleep. I made it to the parlor,where the front door was shaking uncontrollably. "Ding Dong!" I rolled my eyes,and looked out the window,breathing a sigh of relief and put the bat down. "Eli!" I opened the door. Adam stepped into the house,covered in snow. "You're going to wake everyone!" I yelled in a whisper.

"Eli..." He was nervous and sweaty. "I did something bad,man." My heart nearly pumped out of my chest. "by bad,you mean?" I really hope he didn't kill his neighbors cat,again. He blew out a breath,and paced back and fourth outside my house.

"Declan,and like he kissed Clare, okay? and then he confronted me,and I was like well you wanna play,then fine we'll play. We got in an argument. I kicked him in the ass,we got in a fight. I knocked him out,and then well..." I'm actually liking this so far,_wait a second Eli._

My eyes grew wide. My mouth was hanging open like a circus freak. "You killed him!" Adam shook his head. "Grab your keys" Adam said,and went out into the snow. I grabbed my leather jacket,going out in my pajama pants. "What happened?" Adam calmed down,crawling into the passenger seat. "He pissed me off,so I kind of..." _He killed him. Great! *sarcasm*_

I stopped the car,in front of an old motel. Thoughts running through my mind,how do we hide the body,how do I explain this to Clare? Adam shook his head,and pulled me out of the car,turning my headlights off. "You took him to motel room!" I said outraged,yet in a whisper. Adam nodded,and pulled me into the motel. We tried to look un suspicious,if that's even a word. Give me a break,it's like 3 in the morning! The guy at the counter nodded,as Adam walked down the hall.

Adam took the key to the motel room,and I really had no idea what to expect. "hmm,hmm" I heard mumbling. I breathed a sigh of relief. "he's alive." I said,walking into the room. I went in the direction of the mumbling,raising my eyebrows,as I made the final turn into the bathroom. I squinted my eyes and blocked the sight from my view. Declan half naked,duck taped to a toilet. Then I couldn't help,but laugh.

"When in doubt,duck tape to toilet." His eyes were furious and he was sweating profusely. "So what did he do to Clare again?" I asked. "Well he seduced and then kissed her,and then threatened me,so I kicked him in the ass." I shook my head. "Wow,then we just have to take this a step further then." I smiled deviously,as I went to get my tools out of the car.

I came back from the car with my tools. "What are you doing?" I smirked,and started undoing the screws. "We're going to save on the motel fee." I twisted the screws out of the floor,and Adam helped me to rip the toilet off of the wall. "How do we get him out of the motel?" Adam asked. I smirked,grabbing my jacket. I ran to the window,and popped it open. "Help me to get the toilet into the parking lot,and into my car." Declan mumbled even louder almost screaming. "knock knock Is everything alright in there?" The motel teller must be getting suspicious.

Adam smirked,and pointed in the direction of the door. Declan continued with his muffled screams. "Oh you like that,don't you bad boy!" Adam picked up a decoration and started banging it against the headboard of the bed,grunting like a phone sex operator. "Oh yeah you've been a bad boy." I swear the guy on the other side of the door was extremely turned on.

"What's that? You want more,more...Oh!" He hit the object against the bed one more time. "That's what you get for being bad." Adam tried not to laugh,as we dropped the toilet out the window and into the parking lot. I stuffed pillows in the bed and Adam carried Declan to the car.

I opened the door,finding the elderly man from the desk outside the door. I shook my head and smirked,as he quickly pranced away. I went out the door of the motel,and ran towards Morty. I climbed in,and then sped off. "hmmm hmmm" Declan mumbled. I smirked. "So what are we going to do with him?" Adam asked.

"Talk dirty to him." I laughed,thinking about Adam's phone sex voice. Adam smiled. "Hey when it doubt,kink it out! " He smiled. "I have a better idea..." He pointed to Fitz's street. "I've taught you well,grasshopper." I said,and turned down Fitz's street.

I tried not to laugh,turning my headlights off, trying not to draw attention. We slowed the car down,and stopped in front of Fitz's house. The house was pretty dark. I smirked,as Adam and I got out of the car and carried Declan onto his front lawn in the snow.

He gave us an evil look,like "_I'm going to get you for this Goldsworthy." _I smiled. "I'd love to see you try. You stay away from Clare." I warned. Then I winked,and Adam laughed. We drove away leaving him there,half naked,duck taped to a toilet in Fitz's front yard. "I'm a genius." Adam high fived me and we quickly sped off,in the direction of my house.

"I can't believe we pulled that off." I rolled my eyes,and walked into the house,to find Clare with her arms crossed and an angry look on her face.

"Hey Edwards." I smirked. "Eli,where did you go at 4 in the morning!" I covered her mouth,so she wouldn't wake my parents. "I know,Declan kissed you." Clare stepped back,shocked.

Clare's POV

"Look,I was planning on telling you..." I really wasn't. I was just sort of hoping the problem would just disappear. "Don't worry about it. That guy is going to be gone a long time,we don't even have to worry about him crashing the wedding." He smirked.  
"wedding...?" I mumbled.

"yeah,believe it or not Edwards,engaged people get married." I gulped. "I thought we agreed on a long engagement." He raised his brows. "yeah we did,so how does this summer sound?"

"I'm not losing you to Declan,and don't even try tell me you didn't kiss him back." He caught me. I bit my lip. "you know me so well." He smirked. "So Summer it is." He's trapping me. I can't help it,though. I feel extremely guilty. "Summer sounds lovely." I'd hate to see Eli jealous... "So,just out of curiousity? Um why were you out at 4 in the morning?" I asked again. "Uh,well..." He didn't have an explaination. "Let's just say,I had to take a shit in someones front lawn." He mumbled that,but I heard it.

"Eli!" I examined him,checking if he was drunk. "Why do you have a wrench,a screwdriver and plyers in your back pocket?" Eli smirked. "I'm a handy man,get it?" I shook my head. He was up to something...

Fitz's POV

I was just casually typing my teletubbie fan fiction at wee hours of the morning...

_"There at it again." He said pissed off. "yeah I'm amazed she doesn't get tele tubbie pregnant." Po said,as she made a disgusted noise and rode her scooter. "It sucks that they're so in love,and we can't do anything,because you want the blue tele tubbie that hardly gets any screen time because little children will know he likes boys! fucka tibby tutu!" She yelled,but you couldn't understand her,as most of her swearing was covered with some enchanted pond noises,or birds cooing._

_"fuckatibby!" She yelled,aggravated. "How come La La gets all the action? I swear dumb blondes get everything." She scoffed. "I'm sick of being lonely in this dumb plastic forest!" She yelled. "Po's having a nervous breakdown!" Tinkie Winkle yelled,causing the strange polka music to play again,and the teletubbies run back to the shower head intercom. "Time for telle tubbie breakdown."_

_Po hit the tree nervously. "I hate that they announce everything we fricken do!" She picked up a sharp plastic leaf and tried to cut herself,but of course you could see it cause she was naturally red. "Time for teletubbie Emo time." Po ran over to the intercom,where Dipsy and Lala were still fucking each other,and grabbed the intercom. "Time for intercom to go bye bye" She said and kicked the shit out of it._

_"time for tel a tub e e e" The intercom slowly died. She resumed with her cutting,as a hot pink monster approached her. "You a telelesbien?" She said. Po stood up. "no,but I'm lonely,so I'll talk what I can get." Po said and held hands with the lovely pink monster. "just don't eat me." She said,as they got on her scooter._

_"Echooo" Lala stopped as the two curvy monsters rolled over on the plastic grass,and the sun showed a baby crying,as all the creatures in the enchanted forest,walked back into there little dome shaped house._

I smiled confidentially,hitting the upload _erotic fan fiction button_. I stopped when I heard what sounded like a dying cow outside my window. I quickly got up and looked out my window,seeing a toilet in my front yard,and the love of my life attached to it. I'm sitting here,thinking my drugs took effect,and I was seeing what I want to see. Then I heard a crash,and grabbed my bunny slippers and went out the door into the snow,finding the love of my life laying in the snow attached to a toilet.

"kinky,I like it." I smiled,and picked up the toilet and carried it into my house. Declan was screaming in a panic,turning bright red. I laughed,and started singing the teletubbies theme song. Then I got really high,and don't really know what happened after that.

Eli's POV

"So,we should get those wedding plans in order?" Clare nodded,eating her frosted flakes. "baby,I'm really sorry. I love you,only you." I nodded. "I know you're." I smiled,satisfied. "Declan won't be bothering us anymore." I laughed to myself,looking at a maze on the back of my cereal box. "Eli,what did you do to him?" I smirked. "wouldn't you like to know." "bing bing" I picked up my cell phone to read a text from Adam.

_"put trap over Declan's door incase he gets free. Don't worry,I'm keeping a close watch on him." _I smiled. "excellent." Clare noted the devious grin. "Baby,when you rub your hands together like a mad scientist,you scare me,you know that?" She crunched her cereal,and I played with a cross word puzzle on the back of my cereal box. "So big or small wedding?" I changed the subject.

_**to be continued...**_

_**Review :) hehe**_

_**Boy/girl was updated late last night. Heart will up end of this weekend,and please check out JAWBREAKER under Tori True blood and under my favorites :)**_

_**xoxo **_


	42. Chapter 42

**Chapter 42**

**Love is in the air part 1**

**I decided to split the valentine's chapter into two :) Next chapter will be drama and dilla dallying,yup all in one chapter :)**

Clare's POV

I've been up all night,checking venues trying to find one suitable for our summer wedding. "I love this one,Clare!" Eli motioned for me to see what was on his lab top. "A cemetery,Eli!" I mentally rolled my eyes,and returned to my computer. "Here look at this..." I pointed to a beautiful ballroom. He laughed. "I like the Dawn of dead room." My eyebrows went up. "I suppose you want to make love in a casket too?" He smirked. "That could be fun..." I rolled my eyes,watching Eli's phone go off.

"Dicklan taken care of-Ads" I glanced at the message,and then at Eli who was trying not to look too suspicious. "baby,what does this mean?" Eli gulped. "Dick lan..." He rolled his eyes. "Adam borrowed a dick for the night,yes we're all very proud of him getting laid." My eyes must of opened so big. "okay,well um.." I stopped quickly,when I saw a flash on my computer. "Cupid's Couples Valentine's party and dance" I smiled. "Hey,Eli we've been invited to a couples party..." I went to tell him that,but he was already gone.

"right,valentine's day...is tomorrow and he forgot!" I yelled. "Didn't forget,just purposely didn't remember!" He yelled back. I rolled my eyes. "Where are you going?" I asked. Eli didn't say much,just sort went out the door,and sped away in his car.

Why do I even bother?

Eli's POV

I stopped the car in front of Declan's apartment. "Good job" I applauded Adam,as I got out of the car. "I tell you to keep him away from the party,so you tie him to a telephone pole and cover him with hot fudge?" Declan was swearing a mile a minute. "It's the kind that forms a candy shell" Adam whispered,and I laughed.

You really don't want Declan Coyne as an enemy! Besides you can't keep me away from my own party!" Declan yelled,drawing attention. Adam and I slowly walked off whistling,just sort of leaving him there,swearing.

"okay operation keep Declan away from Clare is in affect." Adam talked into is watch like it was a two way walkie talkie. I rolled my eyes. "Can't say it's not original" I said,and climbed into my car. "So your plans for Valentine's day?" Adam asked,looking out the window. "Well..." I can't pretend like I knew it was Valentine's day tomorrow. "I'm thinking..." Come on Eli,you can do better than that.

"You had no idea it was Valentine's tomorrow did you?" Adam laughed. "Well,it's one of the most cheesy,yet romantic holidays out there." I smiled. "Yah,I know it's when you walk into walmart and see a stuffed monkey in a cage,stripping to wild thing." I really hate commercial holidays. I turned the wheel of my car into the parking lot of the happy mart.

People look at me differently in this store,after my fiance woke up half naked in a display sleigh on their roof and well there was that pharmacy incident... I rolled my eyes. "Eli,man you can't..." Adam tried to put up a convincing argument. I really didn't care to hear it.

I walked into the valentine's isle,an isle dedicated to pink and red,and oh look a gorilla in a cage! I picked up 2 pairs of fluffy handcuffs,threw them in my cart. Adam rolled his eyes at me. "pink teddy bear,or pink duck?" I asked,looking at "Be mine,Be yours,Get the fuck away from me" hearts that ugly stuffed animals were holding.

"Go with the duck" Adam said. I put the pink fluffy duck into my cart. It was cute. It worked. "You think that's enough to say..I'm not a jackass,I remembered valentine's day?" Adam sighed. "Eli,man it's going to take a lot more than a fluffy duck and handcuffs to say,I'm not a jackass." That was an insult,but I'm just going to let it slide right off. I clenched my jaw and continued with the shopping cart down the isle.

"candy gum balls,candy hearts,chocolate candies,candy valentines..." I threw it in the cart. "A candy cock" Adam covered his mouth. "Eli,there are little children in this isle." He whispered. I quickly turned into the greeting card isle. "To my love on valentine's day..." I rolled my eyes. "yeah,that sounds good" I said,and grabbed an envelope,not really caring if the card fit in it,or not.

"Candy bra...I could go for that." Adam took the box out of my hand,and shook his head at me. "Do I have to put this stuff in a basket and dress up like a rabbit?" Adam cracked me. "No,you idiot! That's Easter!" Adam covered his face,as I went down the condom isle. "Eli,seriously?" I picked up a pink box. "It matches the duck" Adam rolled his eyes,and I walked out of the isle. "What?"

"Okay,you need roses..." Adam said. I looked around,grabbing a decoration off a tall refrigerator. "Eli! Not artificial ones!" Adam grunted. "I'll be right back!" He said. I stood in front of the refrigerator waiting for him. I got board of that,so went down the sundae isle.

"strawberry syrup" I smirked. Adam took the bottle from me. "Ew no! Eli! No wonder Clare thinks you're a horn dog." He put the bottle down,and set a bouquet of red roses in my cart. "Shouldn't they match the duck?" Adam looked like he didn't where to go. "Over compulsive moment,buddy?" He patted me on the back,as I snuck the syrup into my cart.

We made it to the checkout,and out the door. "Here hide this!" I shoved the bag over by Adam,who put it under the seat. "I can't believe you got the strawberry syrup" He rolled his eyes. I turned the car in the driveway,and walked into the house casually.

"Eli...Fitz is here saying you and Adam tied Declan to a telephone pole and covered him with chocolate,is that true?" Fitz stood up. How do you get out of this one Eli? "I just want to get to the bottom of this." I smiled,terrified. "Uhh well it was a valentine's prank." Yah,that's a good lie,right there. Adam snapped his fingers.

"Not a very funny one..." Fitz tightened his fist. "But,I forgive you,and I understand." He said softly. "All,I ask for is an apology" I gulped.

"Declan's outside." I covered my face,as Fitz opened the back door. "We're sorry for tying you to telephone pole and covering you with chocolate." Declan smiled. "Apology excepted." Something's not right here...

"So,I'll see you two at my couple's party tomorrow then?" Clare nodded,and took my hand. "Come on Fitz!" Declan said,pulling his hand out the door. "Something's up" Adam said. "yah,apparently he made peace with his tormenter." I spat.

"Yah,wasn't expecting that..." Adam agreed. "Reinforcement time..." Clare stood,tapping her feet angrily.

Clare's POV

"Why would you do something so idiotic?" I scratched my head. "I love you" Typical Eli,he thinks sounding like a cheerful care bear fixes everything. "I love you too. Sometimes I question my sanity for it." I mumbled. "Declan is trying to split us up,so Adam as bright as he is,thought it would keep him away from the party,only to find out he was throwing it." He rolled his eyes.

"This is the last week off punishment. I just want to go to a nice dance,wear a nice dress with my fiance,and pray to God that Declan doesn't try to poison you or you do something like this to him! ... I don't suppose you know about this..." I set the newspaper down.

"College Hazing goes aweigh" He laughed. "I can't take the credit for this one" He smirked. "You're so guilty." I said. "Clare,what do you want me to say,something had to be done. He was..."

"Minding his own business and got duck taped to a toilet!" I finished. I rolled my eyes. "Eli,sometimes you can get so jealous if another guy talks to me." He snickered. "Whoa,Hold up! That guy kissed you! You kissed him back. That guy told you he loved you. You expect me to just sit around,and let him get away with that!" I bit my bottom lip,preparing for an argument.

"Stop being such an insecure jealous little boy!" Adam's mouth dropped open. Eli stared angrily. "Me! Yah I'll get right on that!" He threw his hands up and went up to his room.

"Clare he means well. He's just sometimes an idiot." I nodded. "Adam,I don't know what to say. I tell him no violence,so he resorts to stupid pranks." Adam rolled his eyes. "Declan is trying to rip you apart,and it looks like he's succeeding,without even trying." I shut my mouth,as Adam walked off.

I went up the stairs to Eli's room. "Eli,baby I'm sorry for blowing up like that." He smirked,and fell back onto his black comforter. "I can't stand to see another guy look at you. I'm a naturally jealous person,you know that. The guy challenged me,and I can't back down from a challenge." I sat on the bed. "But ,I'm asking you to let this go. I can handle Declan. He's just a real jerk."

Eli shook his head. "Yah well you already tried that,and that went so well!" He raised his voice. "I love you too much too lose you to someone better than me." I felt tears start to fall. "Eli,don't ever say that! Don't even think that. Because I love you! Nobody is better than you,if anything you're better than him in so many ways." I hugged him.

"And I think it's time to show Declan who is the better man." I caught a breath,as I kissed Eli hard and passionate.

"See you two made up" Adam walked in on us. "Eli can I see you a minute...?" Adam motioned to him.

"I got this text,take a look." "This isn't over Goldsworthy." Adam read out loud. Eli sighed. "Give me that!" He said. "yes,it is Declan." He said as he typed. I smiled.

"Now you go get that pretty little dress and heels on,cause we have some flaunting to do." I grinned from ear to ear. "Guess what we're doing on valentine's day?" I asked. He smirked. "baking?" I rolled my eyes. "No! making love..." He liked the sound of that.

The next day, I pulled on my pale pink dress,and buckled my 50's style pale pink and black heels. I brushed on a soft pink blush and lip gloss,adding just a little eyeliner,and a little sparkle. "You ready?" Eli walked in wearing his leather jacket over a red polo,and his black skinny jeans.

He had his hands behind his back. "Mr Romantic." I smiled,as he pulled out a large bouquet of red roses. "Oh,Eli!" I giggled,and gave him a kiss. "And I have all sorts of candy..." He dropped a plastic shopping bag on the floor.

"and I named him Quackers." I laughed. "Yeah,Adam told me not to take the bear,so you get a duck. "I giggled. "Thank you,it's really sweet, you're really sweet." I set the duck on the bed,and went to get a vase for the flowers. I filled a vase with water,and then set them on the dresser. He then linked my arm. "Ready to go,my sweet?" I nodded as we went down the stairs to his car.

We drove to Declan's apartment,preparing to make our grand don't mess with,don't piss us off, entrance. Adam walked in with a beautiful girl,and Fitz showed up groping Declan. I caught a giggle,as we walked into the party.

Eli's POV

We walked into an apartment covered in pink and red balloons shaped like little hearts,yeah that annoyed me. I was stopped by a butler

in a pink vest,asking me if I'd like a Shirley temple. He kind of screamed exotic dancer. "You know Fitz is such a creative guy. He did most of the decorating." I rolled my eyes.

"Yah I'm not drinking that." I turned around,warning everyone of possible cracked up cupcakes,and heart shaped cookies. I smiled

awkwardly. "What do you think he's up to?" Adam asked. "Well it looks like he's trying to get on Fitz's good side,question is why?" I rolled my eyes,and set my punch down.

"yah,babe don't drink that." I swiped Clare's glass away. Clare walked over to a table,and I kept a close eye on her,as Declan tried to

approach her,and Fitz sweeped him towards the dance floor. I let out a devious chuckle. Clare looked at a bunch of pretty decorative bags with party favors in them. "I really think,those might be..." She laughed.

"Fitz really knows how to throw a party." We laughed as the bag hopped away on it's own,like an out of control ringing cell phone

on vibrate. I put my arm around the small of Clare's back. "Let's get out of here" She agreed. We walked to the door,only to be stopped by Fitz who was holding a pair of handcuffs. I bit my lip. "Excuse us?" I asked. Something told me he wasn't going anywhere.

"Did you guys not get the memo,couples party?" I looked around. "uh..." Then it hit me this was an x rated party. My eyes nearly popped out of head,when random people started peeling their clothes off. "Okay,we'll be going now..." I said,trying to get to the door. That

wasn't working. "Great now we're going to have to join an orgy in the form of a conga line." I stopped suddenly,when Declan stood up holding something,I think it was a vibrator. Clare hit me. "Eli,I think he has a gun." She said. I could feel her shaking. "So we're being held hostage in a room of pink balloons and cupcakes?" I rolled my eyes.

"This is going to be a hell of a party" Adam said,and ran to the other side of the room in a panic. "Come on Eli won't you join the fun?" Fitz approached me grabbing my hips. My eyes popped open,as I clutched onto Clare. "Do I look like a teletubbie to you?"

I spat,and that made him angry. "you promised you wouldn't tell!" He threw his fist up in the air,and damn it came in contact with my face.

_**to be continued...**_


	43. Chapter 43

**Chapter 43**

**Love is in the air part 2**

Eli's POV

"Um Eli..." I blinked my eyes open,and fuck that hurt. "You okay?" I saw three Clare's. "There's three of you." Clare giggled. "Fitz hit you pretty hard,and then started swearing about the teletubbies..."

I felt my face. "I had such a bad dream,that we were held hostage at a dirty party." Clare bit her lip. "Yah,Eli that wasn't a dream. We are currently being held hostage in an apartment,and there's stripping going on,and a bunch of other things." I looked around,trying to stand up. "Yah,you're kind of fuzzy hand cuffed to a wall." I rolled my eyes and that hurt.

"So...Where are our captors?" I asked,terrified of an answer. "Well,Adam attempted to tie them together by their private parts,that didn't work,so um...Fitz decked him." I looked over at Adam out cold on the floor. "So,uhh..." Clare flicked her head to the right of the room. I turned to see Fitz and Declan laughing,drinking red martini's. "Water finds it's own level" I muttered.

"So yah,you didn't miss much...some nude guys have been doing back flips and Declan has been holding us hostage with a pink gun,which I think he stole from his sister..." I gulped. "Is it loaded?" Clare smiled. "I really don't want to find out. Probably part of their plot to make our lives hell."

Clare answered. Declan must of overheard the conversation because he put down his martini and walked over to us. "Oh,did you have a nice nap?" I tried to keep myself from killing him. I would of too,but I'm stuck to a wall...

"Can you just let us go,and then we don't ever have to talk about this again? Nobody has to know about your sexual fetish's" Declan laughed,manically,stopping to wink at Clare. "Still think I shouldn't kill him?" I asked her. She didn't say much. "Hey Clare" I just noticed something... "Yah,why am I the only one handcuffed to a wall?" She blinked. "I kind of let that part out cause I didn't think you wouldn't like it very much..." I turned to face her an angry look now taking up my face. "Why?" I asked again.

"Hey baby" Fitz! Yikes! I grinded my teeth. "What did he do to me,while I was sleeping?" I checked myself over,finding I wasn't stabbed or molested. "Sorry to have chained you up here,but I was afraid you'd run away..." I felt like a dog tied to a porch. "Damn right I'm leaving" I stood up,trying to pull the handcuffs off of me. Clare gave me a look and then said something in a whisper. "Let me take care of this..." Clare said. "I thought you weren't into that whole revenge thing." She giggled. "Well they have it coming."She stood up,and walked over to the bar.

"Wow buddy that's like 5 glasses tonight,you better slow down or you're going to get alcohol poisoning..." What does she have up her sleeve?

Clare's POV

Eli didn't have to know that for the past hour Declan had tried to seduce me,cause well he would of killed him. Eli didn't need to know that Fitz kissed his neck,and it wouldn't of happened,but I was too busy trying to hit someone with my purse to notice.

"Look,this is not right okay,you've chained my fiance to a wall,knocked out one of my best friends...and..." I have a reason for doing this,I swear. "and I find that incredibly hot" Eli was getting angrier with me by the minute. I had to hint to him,I was going to get us out of this. I winked at Eli and he got the memo. I caressed Declan's arm and reached for the martini,setting it on the bar.

"Come on let's get you to bed." Declan grinned. "Yes mam" I saw the gun in his back pocket. I had to be quick to get it. Of course I wasn't going to do something so outrageous as to have any kind of physical contact with him. Yah,taking his shirt off doesn't count. I'mma keep telling myself that...

We entered the room and I turned the lights out. "Kinky" I laughed and then started patting him down,looking for the gun. "You get right to the point don't you?" I tried to not roll my eyes,and stay in character as I reached into his back pocket,finding the gun. I slipped it out of his back pocket. Then I threw him on the bed. "I like this" He's such an idiot. I flicked the light switch and then held the gun up. I think I'm doing this right,I saw it on a crime show once...

"Okay,listen up jack ass if you ever do something this stupid again,and lock up my fiance,let Fitz bite him,and seduce me,I will come back and shoot your dick off! Is that understood?" I said that in an authoritative tone. "How do you know if it's loaded?"

I looked at the gun. "I don't,but I really don't think you want to find out." I saw a pair of handcuffs and decided to handcuff him to something,just so he could suffer like Eli did. I stopped quickly when Fitz walked in. "Um sorry to interrupt,just was looking for ..." He gasped. "Damn" I smiled,and then seduced both of them,locking the handcuffs behind their backs. "No,No,No" Fitz didn't want it to end.

I laughed and walked out with the pink gun. "You are really a secret seductress. What did you do to them?" Eli asked, smirking. I laughed,searching everywhere for a key. "Well,I seduced then like a siren then went in for the kill." Eli raised an eyebrow. "Don't worry didn't kiss or anything like that just handcuffed them together..."

Eli laughed,as I picked up the key. "There" I got the lock open and helped him up. "Let's have some fun with this..." Eli smirked and went into the room,where Declan and Fitz were trying to hop towards the door. He turned the door knob just as Fitz was biting onto it trying to turn it. "Fuck!" Fitz screamed.

"Bet you enjoyed that boys" Eli laughed. Then he pantsed both of them. "Have fun" Eli laughed. I smiled,holding the pink gun. "I hope Adam is okay" Adam laid helplessly on the ground. "I'm sure he'll be back to normal any minute now..." I said hopeful.

I went to find Fiona,Adam's date. I finally found her drunk out her mind. "I guess we'll hold onto this,then" I said. I grabbed my coat and Eli's hand. Eli threw Adam over his shoulder and we walked out of there. "can't believe the word couples party didn't tip me off" I laughed,as we walked to his car.

"Let's see what we have left of Valentine's day" I said. "Well will,but first I need to get Adam checked out." He turned into the hospital parking lot.

I walked into the hospital with Eli carrying Adam over his shoulder. "He had a head injury before" Eli said,as he waited for a doctor. We waited a good hour,before someone walked out and told us what we already knew...He was out cold! yeah we knew that. I resisted the urge to yell that out,like what do you think we are,idiots!

"Uh yeah,Doc that's obvious,is he going to be okay?" The doctor held up an X-ray of the brain. "Well he has suffered a concussion,and there's a chance he might wake up and not know who he is,or who you two are." Eli rolled his eyes. "Thank you that's very reassuring." He carried Adam over his shoulder again,and out the hospital.

Eli's POV

I stopped at Adam's house,trying to explain that an evil jerk knocked him out,and when that didn't work. "Mrs Torez,Adam walked into a stop sign. The doctor says he'll be alright." Mrs Torez cleared the way,and I laid Adam on the couch. I didn't say much just sort of left.

"So much for a romantic valentine's day" Clare said. "Yah" I sighed. "Well I'm going to take a bubble bath" Was that an invitation,like you're welcome to join me? Hmm probably not,but I liked this idea very much.

Declan's POV

Fitz has been checking out my boxer shorts for about an hour now. I'm trying to get my pants back on but he just keeps looking at me like I'm a bagel or something. Fiona is passed out,so are a bunch of strippers,and I'm getting uncomfortable by the minute.

"hey the teletubbies are on..." Fitz has been using his feet to change the channel on the TV. So far we've watched porn and the teletubbies. I seriously sometimes wonder what this guy is on.

It's kind of cute though. Shut up Declan! You're not gay,you're just in a very gay situation right now. That's what I keep telling myself in my head. The teletubbies are over now. Fitz is crying,and now he's turning on a lifetime movie. I'm ashamed to say some of these horror movies,you know girls showering and there being axe murders outside their bathroom doors,kind of a turn on.

Fitz just laughs at their stupidity .I can't believe I actually thought I could join forces with Fitz. In the end Clare still hates me. "Don't go in there,don't go in there!" Fitz is shouting as the unsuspecting sexy girl goes to open the closet then bam gets killed. Hey I called that girl sexy,see I'm not gay. Shit this is turning me on. I'm hard now. "Declan" Shit! it's Fiona,think of horrible thoughts like dead animals. She swung the door open and then gasped. "This isn't what it looks like" Fitz is laughing at my expense. "Well that's a relief!" She sounds so sarcastic. This is awkward.

Clare's POV

So I went upstairs to take a bubble bath,slipped my dress off,hung it on the door knob. Took my bra off,stepped out of my... I climbed into the bath tub,watching the bubbles start piling up. I giggled,using my foot to turn the dial off. I laid back and let out a relaxing sigh. Then I heard the bathroom door open. I shut the curtain rather quickly. "Edwards soon to be Goldsworthy, Are you really going to try to deprive me of bubble bath time?" I smiled. "That wasn't an invitation Goldsworthy" He snickered,and through the corner of the curtain,I could see him taking his clothes off. "Well,it is Valentine's day for another hour..." I smiled as he crawled into the tub. Then yah bubble, bubble,trouble,trouble.

_**to be continued...**_

_**haha :)**_


	44. Chapter 44

**Chapter 44**

**The chug and shrug**

Eli's POV

"So spill it already, why are you so happy?" Adam asked. I laughed to myself. "LAID" I spelt out. "La.. Aye" Adam tried to sound it out. "I got laid" I might of said that a little too loud.

"Hello Eli," Fiancé, quick change the subject. " Adam was just telling me about …" Yah can't think of anything. "I heard you, can't anything be just between us?" Clare questioned. I nodded. "It just slipped out" She rolled her eyes.

"how bout you edit this book report, English partner?" I took the papers from her, scanning them with my eyes. "My dream Wedding By Clare soon to be Goldsworthy." I smirked. "This should be interesting." I thought.

"So Fiona invited me for drinks tonight, and I know this might come as a shock to you, but I've never been able to hold down a drink. I know it's hard to believe, cause I throw such awesome parties…" Adam admitted. I put the book report into my bag.

"Not surprising at all, you want to practice? With say a fake ID?" I patted my pocket, reaching for the ID.

"You would do that for me?" Adam asked. "Yeh,I mean what better things do I have to do on Friday night besides teach my buddy how to hold down liquor?" Adam smiled. "Thanks man"

"Surprised you two have a second date after her brother and Fitz tried to kill us or something…" I looked at the time on my cell phone. "Come on Boyo' Let's get some goods" I rested my hand on his shoulder as we headed to my car.

When we got to the liquor store, I was surprised to see …you guessed it…Declan

"You boys throwing a party?" I rolled my eyes aggravatively as I I scanned the shelves for a bottle of vodka. "I for one am shocked that you didn't invite me." He's annoying me. I rolled my eyes again.

"yah it's a shocking concept I know" I answered sarcastically. It's been nearly 3 weeks since he held us hostage in his apartment.

"We'll you better watch out, cause I just might crash your party" Declan warned,picking up a bottle of something. "A sip of bubbly,yes" Adam shook his head. "Not a party. Eli and I are having a guys night, and psychotic guys with blue grey eyes are not invited." I snickered to myself, as I found the bottle of vodka, and off to the register we went.

…

"Okay Adam, it's pretty simple you take the shot all at once." Adam shook his head, nervously as he stared at the shot glasses. "Yah I can't do this." I rolled my eyes. "Sure you can just chug it" Adam picked up the tiny glass and dropped it in his mouth.

"Whoa, Whoa no don't swallow the actual glass." I shook my head,taking the glass from him. "Okay Again" I instructed. Adam reached for the shot glass, and chugged it down. "Nice, how are you feeling?" He clutched his stomach.

"Sick" He answered, and ran for the bathroom. He came back. "Yah man that's nasty." I rolled my eyes. "We are going to need some help." I whisked my leather jacket off the chair, and picked up my car keys. "Come on" I said. "Where are we going?" He asked.

"You'll see" If he's going to become a pro at this. I'm going to have to take him to a bar.

"scotch on the rocks, and a whisky sour." The man looked at me. 'ID" I grinned. "Alright Mr Gold windy. Coming right up" I waited for the drinks. "Okay, now watch those boys down there. They just chug and shrug. See if it tastes awful nobody will know. Just chug and shrug." I said calmly. Adam rolled his eyes. A few hours later,Adam was complaining. "My head is spinning" Adam said. "yup that's called stone drunk" I laughed to myself. I was in such a happy place.

"I have these strange fantasies about Clare dressed like a leprechaun on St Patrick's day. Is it bad I want that to happen?" I laughed, echoing in my head.

"Is it bad, that I think Declan is really hot? I mean maybe that's my inner girl or something, but I like him, even though he's a jack ass and my girlfriend's brother" Adam said drunkly.

I picked up my annoying ringing cell phone. "Eli where are you?" I laughed. "Hey Clare. What's you doing?" She laughed on the other line. "You're drunk" I snickered. "No, just happy" She laughed again.

"Wow you're really something Eli. Take it you didn't edit that book report." I can't think right now,oops.

"How much did you drink?" She questioned, like a concerned wife.

"Well my lad…The first glass was for myself, the second for my friends, the third for good humor, and the fourth for my enemies. Yah and the last one was just cause it was buy one get one free" I could hear her rolling her eyes.

"Alright where are you?" I laughed. "I have no idea, but I'm not even Irish." I hung the phone up. "Ooh one of those!" I stared at the green mug of beer in front of me. I was just memorized with it. I chugged it down, and then was pulled into a crowd of Irish step dancers. We all hooted and hollered.

Clare's POV

"I have no idea, I'm not even Irish" Last words Eli said before hanging up the phone. I sat with Fiona. "It's not like them to get drunk" Fiona laughed. "When's the last time you were?" She reached in her purse for a bottle of champagne.

"I'm good. I'm going to find them.." Fiona laughed. "Come on have some fun" She tried to persuade me. I laughed.

"Not my definition of fun" I commented.

"Edwards, when the last time you had some major fun?' My gaze averted to Fitz standing in my house with Declan, Drew and half the football team.

"Party time" My eyes shocked open, as I stood up from the table. "No,No,No There is no party going on here. Everybody out!" I tried to push everyone out the doors, but Declan picked me up and set me down away from everyone else. A guy held a large boom box over his head and then loud rock music started to play.

"Might as well take a drink. It will drown out the noise." Fiona insisted . "One won't hurt" I said, and downed the glass of champagne.

Eli where are you? I hoped he was okay. The music started pumping through the living room. Thank God CeCe and Bullfrog weren't home.

"Alright,so who's up for some Spin the Truth,Dare,Strip or Chug?" I could feel myself getting buzzed. "You know that doesn't sound like such a good idea" Declan laughed, making a cough noise "Nun" He cleared his throat. "I'm not a nun." I defended. "Prove it" Declan challenged. I looked around before sitting in the circle.

"Now that's what I call a party" Fitz announced. The music quieted down. "Alright bachelorette go first" I rolled my eyes as I spun the bottle. "you have to kiss …" I got nervous as the bottle stopped on. "Fiona" I laughed. "truth" I said.

"Have you ever kissed a girl?" I laughed. "No, don't see a reason too." Fiona smiled. "You're gorgeous Clare. I'd kiss you." I laughed knowing I was tipsy. "Chug something or take your clothes off, what will it be?" I laughed, getting ready to surprise everyone. I took the dare and kissed Fiona. The room hoo and hawed as Declan spun the bottle and it landed on… "Fitz" He rolled his eyes.

"Truth" Declan said. Fitz smiled. "Do you have feelings for me, Decks?" The whole room stared as sweat fell from Declan's forehead. "No" He answered. "So you going to take your clothes off, or chug whatever the hell that is?" I asked. He laughed and sexily loosened his tie,throwing it into the middle of the circle.

Fitz spun the bottle and it landed on "KC" Fitz smiled. "I'd kiss you, but that might make my boy here jealous" He admitted. "Helk,I want to see him jealous." Fitz said. He reached for KC's neck and pulled him into a hot kiss. KC broke from him, scared for his life. "You were supposed to choose truth or dare" Fiona said, laughing.

"You're wasting your time. I'm not the jealous type" Declan said. KC spun and got me.

"Truth" I said to be safe. "So you're marrying Eli…So that means you two have done it, right?" I rolled my eyes. "My sex life is non of your business" I sneered. "Okay, since you can't answer truthfully, then Dare then."

I rolled my eyes. "I dare you to kiss Jenna." I stopped. "You can't be serious" I hated the idea of being this exposed, so I tried to swing it and took my headband off.

"Doesn't count" KC said. I rolled my eyes and took my top off. "Alright,happy" I have a shirt under this.

Jenna was next. She spun and got the school nerd. I'm not really sure how he snuck in here. "truth" She said. "Is that baby really KC's?" I gasped, as did the whole room.

"Excuse me?" Jenna got defensive. "It's just things go around school" Jenna rolled her eyes. "Dare" The school nerd laughed. "I dare you to tell the truth" I can't even wrap my head around that one.

Jenna rolled her eyes and took off her watch. Then it was Alli's turn. She spun and got Drew. "alright Alli… " Drew rubbed his hands together. "Dare" Alli said. Drew laughed. "I dare you to give me a lap dance" Alli smiled. "Why not?" She got up ,and rolled her fingers underneath Drew's collar. She gently tugged swaying her hips into his. It was more like dry humping than a lap dance, but the whole room was pretty pleased with it.

"Satisfied?" She asked. Drew caught a breath. "Oh yah" After 6 or 7 other people went it was my turn.

I spun and got Declan. "truth" I said. "When you kissed me, did you feel something?" I bit my lip. I can't answer that. I'm engaged. "other than my lips, you mean?' I'm enjoying the smart ass comments. "I'm serious." Declan said.

"Not really" Declan rolled his eyes. "you're lying, so take the dare." I smiled. "Fine, dare me" He looked at me with a satisfied grin. "Kiss me" I laughed to myself, and took off my other shirt, not caring that I was in undergarments. "Ouch" Declan hissed, and spun the bottle getting his sister.

"truth" He said. "Are you gay?" He was silent for a second. "no" He answered. Fiona rolled her eyes that reflected a drunk glare. "Don't lie! I walked in on you and Fitz with your pants down" The whole room burst into laughter. "It wasn't like that!" He defended.

"You're messed up!" Fiona yelled, and walked out of the room.

"The awkward moment when you discover your ex boyfriend is gay." Declan's ex got up and left the party.

Then there was a drama filled argument,that could be heard down the hall. They both went into Eli and I's room. That's when Bullfrog walked in with Eli and Adam covered in green tinsel, both wearing Irish hats, with their faces painted in green clovers. They were both obviously drunk out of their minds.

I tried to cover myself. "Everybody out!" Bullfrog yelled. The kids cleared the house. "I found these two at a tavern when me and my work buddies went out for a drink. I expected better from you two" He said angrily. "Sir, I tried to stop them. I told them not to come in, but I was powerless towards them."I defended.

"you're both grounded, which means Eli no bachelor party, and you little Ms look like you already had yours" I caught myself, and quickly put my clothes on.

"Eli!" I scolded. He rested against the wall, and fell off it. He reeked of alcohol, as did Adam. I tried to get him to the couch, but he was too heavy and fell on the floor. Adam didn't seem to know where he was, or who he was. He smiled. "Hey sexy" He said, and then jumped on a very distressed Declan. I stood there shocked.

"What the hell, somebody get this kid off of me!" Fiona grabbed her champagne bottle and went out the door. I tried to get Adam off Declan and ended up falling on top of him. That's when he took the liberty to kiss me, and I slapped him.

"What you trying to prove?" I said. He huffed and got up from the floor. "You felt something" He sneered and went out the door, slamming it.

I covered my face, trying to figure out why this keeps happening to me? I rushed over to Eli who was covered in green confetti. "Clare oh yah. I can't wait to get at your pot of gold"

"Oh Clare, take me through the field. Spank me with 4 leaf clover." He moaned. Great, I interrupted a sex dream, I thought.

Eli's POV

Clare kissed me, straddling me in her little green costume. She bit into my neck, causing my pants to tighten, and my heart to race. "Oh Clare" I moaned. She smiled, talking to me in a broken Irish accent. "Oh Clare" That's such a turn on.

A rainbow appeared and she giggled, as I ran my hands all over her little leprechaun body.

"Eli…Eli…oh Eli.." I liked this very much. "Eli!" She shook me. "Eli, wake up please!"

I looked around. "Shit-it was just a dream" I grunted, laying back down. My head spinning.

The door bell rang, and I stood up and went to answer it. "I don't care what you say. I love you, and I'm going to do whatever it takes for …" Declan stopped when he saw me. "Oh" He said. I gulped.

"Wow Declan,yah I don't sway that way, so I think you got the wrong house." I shut the door in his face, and locked it.

_**To be continued…**_

_**So you guys want to review? Hehe Let me know what you want to see happen :) I'll do my best to incorporate your ideas. The next chapter will be either the bachelor or bachelorette party, and someone requested it. There will be some steamy French indecencies.**_

_**Xoxo**_


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